#brotpbbs

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"Go time in 30."

The voice crackled in Marie's ear, rocking her nerves. It was so bright she could still see dim light on the other side of her closed eyelids as she inhaled and exhaled one slow, deep breath and then another.

"On my mark in 10...9..."

Marie opened her eyes and the sight of her husband standing not far from her on the other side of the bright lights immediately calmed her racing heart. It always did. Marie knew without looking several women and men in the room were swooning at the towering Phoenix with his beaming smile. They always did. Maddox winked one blue eye, but it was just for her.

"3...2...1..."

Marie had done this many times now and she wondered if she would ever get used to it. If her muscles would ache evey time afterwards from being so tense. If the adrenaline would ever be less addicting.

"And we're rolling."

"Welcome back to another Marie's Morsel's." As always, the nerves disappeared at the sight of the red light on the cameras, and Marie started moving around the kitchen as she talked. "Today we will be making several versions of a morsel based around not only my husband and daughters favorite, but mine as well. Ice cream. Sundaes to be exact. We will be making our own icecream. And since I know he's a favorite of all the viewers out there, I convinced him to be my special guest today."

Marie couldn't help her loving giggle as soon as Maddox slipped into the camera's view with a little wave. Wearing a white ribbed sweater and dark jeans, he looked good enough to eat.

"Cut!"

Maddox leaned against the counter on an elbow and pulled her to him as they waited for the cameras to make their adjustments.

"Truthfully, you're my favorite morsel." Marie's grin was full of promise as she looked up at him, the galaxy diamond on her finger sparkling under the bright lights when her hand smoothed over his chest.

"Hey. You know how I like to watch? What if I fuck you right here on this counter while the cameras roll for all the viewers at home."

“Doooooo-IT, Doooooo-IT, Dooooo-IT!” The blonde man chanted, his biceps rippling every time he slammed his fist on the table with each syllable.

Marie could barely tap the correct places on the omni pad from laughing. Laughing at what, she couldn’t say, the amount of alcohol she had consumed made everything –and nothing – hilarious.

“Maddy I don’t think”- she wheezed, “this is a good idea-“.

“Dooooooo-IT!”

“OKAY OKAY I DID IT.”

They were too busy whooping and wiping tears out of their eyes to notice the golden eyed man who came strolling into the near-empty bar and after a glance in the laughing hyenas’ direction, turned and went straight for the counter.

“It’s a big tab tonight.” The bartender said with a casual grin. “I can pretty much tell by now when they are nearing their limit and the last thing I need is two more bodies I can’t carry passed out in here.” He gestured to the form of a Turian splayed out over a table in the back, snoring away.

“Yea, Bert, thanks for letting me know….again.” Nico handed over his holo-card so the bartender could take whatever credits would settle the tab.

“Aw, Ems, our fun is over.”

“Noooooooo, why- oh hiiiiiiii babe!” Her heavy lidded eyes squinting when she smiled up at Nico as he came to a stop beside her. “Hi, hihihi.”

“Hi Bella. Time to go home, si?”

“You’re so sexy baby. Isn’t he sexy Maddy? Sooooooooooo soooooooooo sexxxxxy. So. Sexy. Sosexy.”

“Sex.” Maddox muttered from around his glass of blue liquid before collapsing into another fit of laughing. The few remaining patrons glanced their way, mildly curious to know why someone was now yelling SEX at the top of their lungs between bouts of wheezing laughter.

“Yep,” Nico nodded to himself, “It’s time.”

“I wonder what it’s like…to be that tall.” After several failed attempts, Nico’s pleading with her to stop even as he held her steady, Marie finally looked down on him from atop the table, brown eyes wide with wonder. “Wowwwwwww.”

“Okayy,” Nico's huge hands gripped her sides as he gingerly lifted and then lowered her, holding onto her arm as her feet touched the ground. He gestured to Maddox with the other. “Come on, you too.”

“I’ll be fiiiiiine,” Maddox leaned back, flicking a hand in Nico’s general direction. “I mean I am fine,” his voice dropping an octave as he suggestively ran a hand up his own thigh to rub his chest. “But I’m also fine. I can see my own self home.”

“Not leaving you here in this condition.”

“It’s not a battlefield, Morrisini, it’s a bar.”

This sent Marie into another uncontrollable fit of laughter, which in turn, for reasons unknown to anyone, sent Maddox into another uncontrollable fit of laughter.

***********************************

“I’m never drinking, ever again.”

“You say that every time, my love.” Nico kissed her forehead and slid her favorite mug, the sparkly one with the unicorn horn for a handle, into her hands.

“Never ever.” She groaned, sitting up in bed to sip the liquid that matched her eyes. “I don’t even remember half of what happened last night.”

“You. Maddox. Blue drinks. That’s all I need to say.”

So lost in the feel of the warmth spreading down her throat that soothed her throbbing head, lost in the thought of wishing she could hug the first person millennia ago that picked up a bean and decided to make it into this magical liquid, she didn’t even notice the light knock at the door. She took another big drink, filling her mouth with the only thing would keep her alive right now, reluctantly coming out of her stupor to the sound of rapid scratching against some sort of container and animalistic whimpers followed by an unfamiliar voice.

“A …Mrs. Miller ordered a varren puppy to this address?”

********************************

She cast her eyes up to the dark sky, tapping a finger to her pursed lips for a few moments. “Nah, I don’t think so.” 

“Marie.” 

“I actually think I hate you.” 

“I will pick you up and throw you into this fire.” 

She laughed then, restrained but sincere, and squeezed his hand. “Always.” 

“What are they going to think, us holding hands?” 

Looking over her shoulder, she surveyed her team, some huddled around a fire, some checking equipment, some sleeping. She felt like a proud mom at how far they had come, and sadness at the ones they had lost along the way. 

“This squad…we’re family. We’ve been together for so long now and they haven’t questioned me or complained once. Well, not counting that time on Noveria, but I can’t blame them, that’s just… there should never be that much snow in one place, ever, okay?” She shivered, not sure if from the actual cold or the memory of a much worse one. “But if they think anything in my personal life affects how I lead, they can take it up with me. It shouldn’t matter. Let them think I’m fucking two of you for all I care.” 

Maddox dropped his head and chuckled, and Marie studied his face, choosing her words carefully.

“You at least need to give them a chance. One chance.” 

Maddox sighed and let go of her hand. “You’re asking me to basically rewrite my brain that’s been hardwired to hate them. And Ems, Cerberus was really good at wiring.” 

“Okay. Think about this for a second,” She was using that not-best-friend voice again, turning to face him squarely. “What would have happened if I had stopped at the first opinion I formed of all-things-Cerberus that we are trained to think?” She held up one gloved finger to stop him when his mouth opened. “What if I had stopped at the first opinion I formed of all-things-Phoenix after meeting one of you for the first time?” 

Maddox rubbed at his temple. “I get your point.” She knew he was thinking of that meeting he had only heard about, and that ‘one of them’ she had mentioned was one Nico Morrisini. She still liked to talk about how much she had longed to pile drive his face into the dirt when they had first met. Maddox had always liked hearing about that part in particular. 

“If I hadn’t let myself see the other side of the coin, there would have been no you. No us. No late night making ourselves sick on ice cream while tears roll down our face begging the other to stop because we think we literally might die if we laugh any harder.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll try. For you. But I’ll always be an outsider, there is no changing that.” 

Yeah I know how that feels. 

It was whispered on a sigh, but Maddox still furrowed his brow at her. “What did you say?” 

She didn’t want to get into that here. Couldn’t get into that here, where she wasn’t allowed to crack. She was extra sensitive to the topic, the fight with Nico still fresh on her mind and the words they had hurled at each other as weapons she could still taste on her lips. Because the truth was no matter what, she believed she would always be the outsider of their little family. There were so many walls they didn’t even allow her to attempt to climb. She thought back to that feeling that brought her so much happiness on Earth, many years ago, during her family’s big Christmas dinners. The comfort and security that only knowing someone inside and out could bring. Knowing they loved you no matter what demons were in the room. She wasn’t sure she would ever – wasn’t sure they would ever let her – have that. 

“Nothing,” she replied, waving a hand at him to brush away the thoughts. “Besides,” she continued quickly, “I’m pretty sure Harris has a crush on you.” 

“Male or female?” 

She arched an eyebrow at him. “Does it matter?” 

“Single or taken?” 

She leveled a hard stare at him. “Does. It. Matter?” 

He looked up at her under dark lashes and she couldn’t help but smile at the mischief dancing in his eyes. 

“You’re being creepy, watching me sleep.”

“Fucking Phoenix senses, I should have kno-“ She suddenly couldn’t breathe, with the herculean arms of the other man wrapping around her and pulling her as close as he could.

 “Maddy,” The tears came of their own accord and had nothing to do with the fact that she was being slowly squeezed to death. “Too…hard.”

His grip instantly lessened, but his face didn’t move from where it was buried against her chest. She finally got her hands into his hair, slowly petting the blonde strands. “Hi honey.”

“I love you.”

It was muffled and barely reached her as she wiped at her eyes. “And I love you. Okay, let me-“ She tried to push his shoulders, knowing she would have had more luck trying to push a boulder. Instead she decided to go with tapping her hand against it “Maddy. Let me go say hi, I’m being rude.” She whispered the last bit, knowing that would hit the right way, and he immediately released her, sniffling.

“There’s been no change?” She unfurled herself from his lap, adjusting the strap of her tank top as she made her way around to the other side of the hospital bed.

“No.”

She sighed, searching the prone man’s face, wishing he was just pretending as well. “I’ve never seen him sleep.”

“I’ve seen it too much.”

Her eyes teared up again at that, when she could feel the cracks of pain in his voice. 

“Listen, Archer,” She tried the name on her lips, once again not liking the taste. “Don’t be an asshole just this once, okay? Actually, wake up and you can spend your entire life being an asshole, won’t that be fun?”

“Where’s Nico?”

Marie dropped into the chair next to the bed, her eyes never leaving Archer’s face, trying to concentrate on something other than the sudden pain in her chest. “I’m actually not sure at the moment.”

“What does that mean?”

Marie shrugged. If breathing was suddenly this hard, how was she supposed to speak? 

“I don’t know.  After…” She sighed, not wanting to place the words into existence. She concentrated on pushing it all back into the box that she had worked hard to fit it into. “I just needed some space.”

“What does that mean?”

She puffed out a breath, wondering why it was so. hard. to. breathe. He had asked her the same thing when she had told him, holding her suitcase and a one way ticket to here.

“Maddy.”

“Emmy,” He replied, rebelling against the tone he knew she used when she was searching for finality. Then she knew he wasn’t letting it go until she told him.

“It’s just been a little...” She chewed on her lip, trying to find the right words. “It’s all me. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing right now. I just can’t get rid of the feeling that he blames me.”

“Ems we’ve been over this a thousand times.” His voice was as soft as the blue in his eyes, and she once more had to concentrate on the box in her mind. “The doctor said it had nothing to do with the battle.”

“I know!” Marie stood, crossing her arms as she walked to the large window and seeing nothing out of it. “I know. In my heart I know that. But my head? Any time I see that far away look in his eyes I know he’s thinking about it. I know he’s mourning, and then I just think, what else is there to blame, but me?”

“Listen to me,” He tugged on her arm, pulling her onto his lap and everything inside of her that she had been struggling to hold collapsed, and he held her, letting her heaving sobs subside enough to hear him before continuing. “You still have the love of your life.” They both knew his meaning as they gazed at the hospital bed.

“You still have each other.”

She nodded in a silent acknowledgement, and they both wiped at their eyes until she finally found her voice.  “We’ll make it. I mean we made it through reapers, for fuck’s sake.”

“Somehow, this is scarier.”

“I know. But we can take comfort in the fact that there is always one shared assurance in life.” She pressed her lips to his forehead, the strands of blonde now long enough to tickle her nose.

************************

Marie caught his arm as he moved to throw another body part into the fire, fully aware it was not her strength that stopped him. She received the desired effect however, when his eyes pulled to hers.

“I don’t ask anything of you, ever.”  The anger that had bubbled to the surface a moment ago with the memories of the last fight with her boyfriend flattened her voice into a tone usually reserved for situations not involving her best friend. “Actually, I’m not asking. Don’t ever tell me to 'leave it alone' again.”

He searched her eyes with his own, and she wondered what exactly he was looking for. Finally he gave her one single nod in answer, knowing that’s all she would need. Her gloved hand dropped from his arm to cross under her own, a useless defense against the cold that was seeping into all the cracks of her armor.

“Now. While we have all this time, let’s talk about you,” she jerked her chin in the general direction of her squad, “and them.”

“Alright.” His only reply, and she winced instinctively when the fire, accepting whatever new thing Maddox was throwing into it, flared, sending sparks popping and flying into the night air.

“They’re not kids, and they’re not toy soldiers.”

“I didn’t call them toy-“

“You have.”

He huffed out a breath, and Marie couldn’t tell if the stance he took was suddenly defensive, resigned, or both.

“Maddy,” her voice softening with the word as she took a step towards him. “They may not have been through half the shit you have been through, but they still bleed for this world, just like you. They know war, death and destruction, just like you. And they give it their all, just like you. No one on my squad is going to give me any less than a phoenix would. Just…without all the near-indestructible, superhuman strength stuff.” 

***********

“I know now that I’ll never get anything out of Nic until he’s ready. I’ve just been too stubborn to admit it. I’m an open book, so I keep expecting him to be too. But our stories are not even in the same genre, so it’s stupid to think he would be the same. It’s just…scary.” She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. 

“What is?” 

She cleared the emotion from her voice with a quiet cough. “The…uncertainty of it all.” 

“Nothing is for certain Ems.” Maddox replied with a sigh and she caught the sadness darkening his tone. His eyes traced the path of a star as it fell from the sky. “Nothing.” 

“But we’ll be together forever right?” She smiled, trying to save the mood that was falling just as quickly. 

“I changed my mind, there are some things I’m certain of.” 

They laughed together, knowing it was all bullshit. That he could never guarantee such a thing in the middle of a war for the very existence of mankind, but right now this moment was good enough for them. 

“But you know something I realized? Sure, you all know a side of him I never will. But I know a side of him no one else will too. No one else knows about the very intellectual conversations we have late at night when we can’t sleep. Only I have felt how he holds me as if he has the whole world in his hands. I’m the only one that’s seen that one particular color of gold in his eyes when he is truly, completely happy. It’s like those last rays of sunlight that are just about to descend into darkness, when they are at their brightest. How he puts every single part of me first, to the point where I feel undeserving.” 

She shook her head as if released from a trance, and glanced at Maddox, suddenly embarrassed. His blue eyes were searching her face, a look she couldn’t quite place touching his features. 

“Then I guess I won’t kill him.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” 

“Are you underestimating me?” 

“No, I mean I’d really like to see you try, seeing you two go at it would be so hot.” She laughed, brushing a stray hair out of her eyes. “Besides, I-“   

“Marie-“ 

She stopped, very aware of the warning in his tone, and watched him as he stared out into the darkness. 

“Put your helmet on. Now.”

 Marie obeyed without a word. Activating her helmet on the same turn of her heel to shout orders at her squad, her booted feet carrying her away from her best friend to the group huddled around the fire. She knew him well enough – knew them well enough – to know not to question their extra senses. 

Maddox followed his own advice, visor sliding into place, hiding his face. He rolled his shoulders, trying to focus the sense into an exact location as he spoke into comms.