#broken;

feelings are awful and suffocating and i want a refund thanks

i dont know why i thought sending that ask would make me feel better

i love being upset and not knowing exactly why

i love staring at a water video for a good 10 seconds before my brain kickstarts and i almost throw my fucking phone

anyway my feelings on slade continue to fuck with and confuse me and i want to die because i get one feeling of wanting to call him dad then i want to cry because i feel like i shouldnt want that?? and now i dont know what i should be feeling compared to how i do feel and if thats wrong or if im being fucked with or??? anyway catch me isolating myself for a year or whatever so that i can figure out my feelings only the second im around people again ill just start mimicking again because when the fuck have i actually been myself instead of tried to be someone else because i know i dont fit in the world and being someone else is better than me being me

i love freaking out in the shower because of the water and just forcing my way through it because emotion is fake and so is trauma and if i tell myself my skin isn't really burning off enough times maybe itll stop feeling like it someday

why did i agree to surround myself with kids tomorrow