#brj

Hey hey hey I return bringing the fruits of my labor from this year's Boss Rush Jam!! I had the pleasure of doing the 3D models for all of the characters as well as some animations for our playable character! You can play the game for yourself here: https://ayperosia.itch.io/factory-reset

And you can see the rest of my work below the cut~

Are you married? And is she a good wife to you…

Are you a dad? Are you an amazing father? Remember when we wanted mixed little babies…

Do you have a nice beautiful family? Like the one we use to talk about. You always wanted a full house.

What career did you end up choosing? Did you move?

But most of all, I wanna know do I ever cross your mind anymore. Do you still think about those nights that I would sneak you into my room just to have you make passionate love to me.

Anon asked: i would love to see a little story or like some headcanons about a lazy day with joe/ben/reader. i feel like that would be really cute.

A/N: 1141 words. Just a fluffy little thing, I hope you like it! I’ve missed them v much.

They love you, and that’s what matters. 

The days are long when they aren’t around, long and lonely and sometimes cold; it could be the middle of Summer, but there’s a chill in the air when they aren’t there. 

Of course they’re busy, they’re talented and successful, and you’d never begrudge them that, but you... you just like having them around, and that’s not a crime. Sometimes you’re the busy one, and you quietly ache to be in the comfort of their embrace. But such is life, we all do things we don’t want to do, we all learn to go without the ones we love when we must. 

Being spread to the far corners of the globe doesn’t feel fair, though. You’re at home, because you work from home, you can film your videos anywhere, but Ben’s on a cathedral roof in Italy judging by his most recent selfie, and Joe’s filming somewhere in the middle of America. There’s calls and video chats but it’s never the same.

Ben invests in some of those bracelets that let each of you feel when one is thinking about the others, a familiar pressure; I’m right here, no matter how far away. It helps.

Or one’s away, and you’re curled up with Ben in your living room and you don’t remember who suggested watching Jurassic Park, but now you just miss Joe more, and it’s four in the morning where he is, but he answers your video call, and sleepily chuckles when you explain what you’re watching. He asks to watch the last half hour, and so you obligingly turn the camera around so he can see the TV, and the phone is tucked neatly between where you’re tangled up with Ben, and something about the way seeing him fall asleep before he gets the chance to hang up is so damn endearing. He wants so badly to be with you both. You know he’s missing you just as much as you’re both missing him.

There’s endless selfies, and recordings that you send each other - Ben air drums when any Queen song comes on the radio, you do funny voices when washing up, making up a whole storyline for the cutlery, something about the mafia and needing to waterboard them for information - it’s kinda dark, but also funny, and it makes both Ben and Joe smile. Joe sends you guys a video of himself talking to a home made sock puppet, asking it if he should come home early, because he misses you both. The sock puppet reminds him that he’s under contract, and that it’s only for a few more weeks. The video still makes you cry.

When it’s you and Joe, there’s videos sent of the pair of you scouring the internet for Ben’s episodes of East Enders, and arguing about if the shady streaming site will give your laptop a virus. You kiss Joe to shut him up. Ben’s answering photo is of himself, on set, half blushing and covering his smile with his hand, captioned that there’s a USB in his desk drawer with a few episodes on it. He seems embarrassed but endeared. He also gets photos of you pouting with Cardboard Ben, ‘it’s just not the same’ you message, and he sends back ‘good, i don’t want him stealing you guys from me’. 

“Is it hard always being away from your... your partners?” The interviewers always flounder when they talk to any of you about your relationship, but you’ve all learned to navigate it. Joe flushes and ducks his gaze, smiling a little.

“It’s always hard, but we’re all in the same industry so we all kind of understand; we’ve got this thing we do, we watch old stuff that the others have been in, when we’re away, like the other day, Y/N and Ben sent me a video of them watching Undrafted, it was really sweet actually,” he admits, and the interviewer coos at that, asking him what he’d watched recently, “well,” Joe starts with an embarrassed little smile, “don’t tell her I do this, but I go back and I watch The Boyfriend Tag video on Y/N’s youtube channel that we did; I dunno, it just makes me all warm and fuzzy,” he flusters a little. 

You have that interview downloaded and saved onto your phone.

It’s hard being away from each other, but it makes it all the sweeter being back together. 

Ben and Joe surprise you at the airport after you get back from London Fashion Week, holding a sign with your name in big, block letters, and yeah it kind of attracts a crowd, but it’s the thought that counts. They’re peppering you with questions, asking you what your favourite outfit was, what your favourite moment was, if you stayed at a nice hotel.

“Can’t be better than our place,” Joe snorted, and he’s got his arm around your shoulders in the back of the Uber, and you smile, lean into him, press your nose to his cheek.

“Never.”

“Oi, don’t knock London, man,” Ben makes a point of seeming annoyed, but Joe rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Babe,” he tells Ben, “no hotel will ever compare to your flat either, okay? I’m saying that anywhere’s better when we’re together.” And Ben wears a little pleased grin, and presses a kiss to Joe’s knuckles, sitting on your other side.

And it’s warm, even though the air outside is cold, between them you are warm. Of course you are, wherever they are, you find comfort. 

Together, you watch everything and nothing, and you read scripts to help each other learn lines, and record auditions, and they record videos with you, and this is the best feeling in the world. Laughter, bright and loud and warm, fills the halls of your home.

Ben joins in when you interrogate the dishes now, drying them, pretending to threaten their family, just because it makes Joe cackle with laughter. 

Joe finally watched Jurassic Park with you both, providing dry commentary about the behind the scenes during the entire time, which has you and Ben in stitches half the time. 

And you come home from a walk, only to find Ben and Joe trying to copy one of your makeup tutorials from when you’d first started YouTube. The sight warms your heart and almost moves you to tears, right before you hear your own voice from your youth, and you almost screech trying to shut the laptop, while the boys shout that they’re halfway through.

“You’re killing me,” you give a fondly exasperated smile, only wincing a little at the jarring jump cut in the video, and they both beam in response.

“But you love us,” Ben practically sings, and you roll your eyes, even though you can’t help but grin.

Listen to the second best Radio Show of the universe, BRJ-Radio! 

I need to talk to someone but at this point, and I feel like I can’t even talk to my boyfriend. I guess that’s why I’m here.

To put it very simply, on one hand, I want to die. On the other, I know I can continue living and making a difference.

I want to die because it seems as though I’m a burden to everyone I know. All I seem to do is screw things up. My continuing existence has only proven that I’m terrible at making things happen. I say the wrong things, I jump to conclusions, I take things way too personally.

I feel as though my death would be a convenience to those around me. My mom could move on with her life. My brother and sister in law could stop worrying about having to help me all the time. My boyfriend could find someone deserving of his time and affection. My friends don’t exist, so there isn’t much to be said there. I feel alone a lot.

My exes would probably be happy if I was gone. Not that their thoughts matter, but surely then they wouldn’t have to ever worry about seeing me again.

The only things stopping me this very second are the thoughts I have about my boyfriend and how devastated he would be, because I didn’t tell him I was feeling this way, and my lack of methods.

I can’t handle the thought of him moving on and finding someone else to be his wife. I don’t want him to do that, but he’ll have to if I off myself. He is quite literally the best part of my life. Everything else is depressing and bleak.

Feeling such conflict is so absolutely awful. I hope that soon, I can figure out things and stop feeling like this.