#brinndrian

mm, i think “vanilla curls” by teddy hyde is a really underrated song on his playlist. there are a lot of fantastic brinndrian songs on both his and brinne’s playlist, but this one encapsulates a lot of their dynamic that goes beyond their hopeless mentally ill qualities. it’s a little like angel of small death and the codeine scene, but more of a dreamy kind of sexy.

NOOO DONT ENABLE ME…😈😈😈

brinndrian are the queerest “straight” couple to exist in the history of ever i think. i put straight in quotes for a variety of reasons, most of all because adrian is actually demi, but also because of idris’s general concept of sexuality. i really wanted to create a universe with some societal gender fuckery going around, so i built idris as a society where bisexuality is the norm and gender is considered to a much lesser degree than one might expect. the expectation of bisexuality comes with a culture that is also much more accepting of people not wanting kids— generally, it’s standard practice that people who want children will pursue opposite sex relationships and people who don’t will pursue same sex relationships.

this is kind of a chain reaction for the degree of sexuality people expect within individual relationships as well. people tend to associate opposite sex couples with more sexuality than same sex couples, because of the “choice” evident in the pursuit. nobles don’t get a choice in their future spouses as they are all betrothed heterosexually, but this culture still carries over. …which is to preface that brinne and adrian likely would have gotten in far less trouble if they had been a same sex couple. still considerably more than even an average pair of forbidden noble lovers, because they are at the very top of nobility, but if they were gay it would have been more easily brushed off.

brinne and adrian’s relationship begins in a place of completely innocent childhood friendship, as a respite from both of them being shunned by all their other peers. there’s an intense devotion embedded early on in their relationship because of their deep loneliness and contrasting personalities; with each other, they feel whole.

their coming to terms with sexuality in their early teen years is an awkward thing. brinne has never met her fiancé (who happens to be five years younger than her anyways — a big difference when one of them isn’t even a teenager yet), and adrian knows for a fact that he isn’t attracted to his fiancée (zuri) either. adrian feels immense guilt for his discomfort around zuri, but there’s something constantly repulsed in him by her many romantic advances. adrian is even more cognizant of this once brinne begins to reveal her own romantic intentions, and he feels very differently about her. for adrian, his demisexuality really stems from a place of vulnerability; when he is able to unmask his layers of repression and also experience someone else placing their full trust in him with their own insecurities, attraction comes to him much easier and much faster. of course, being as anxious as he is, he has no courage to make any first moves with brinne, but when she makes her intentions clear, adrian is happy to reciprocate.

the analysis of brinndrian’s romantic/sexual escapades from brinne’s perspective is totally different. brinne is a person who feels a lot of emotions and feels them amplified tenfold. it barely even crosses her mind not to act on her attraction. yes, there’s a small element of her questioning whether it would ruin their relationship, but ultimately, she can’t not tell him how she feels. and as soon as adrian indicates that he feels the same way, brinne has no hesitations about taking things to the next level. in fact, she’s only spurred on by adrian’s apprehension about pursuing something romantic. sexuality, to brinne, becomes another means of rebellion: by pursuing adrian, she’s not only satisfying her romantic/sexual needs, but also spiting her parents and everyone else trying to force her into the conformity of typical noble relationships.

brinne doesn’t bother to hide anything from anyone, much to adrian’s chagrin. this is where their relationship gets a little more ambiguous. in most regards, their relationship is wholly consensual, but there are times when power dynamics and communication issues do impede the “wholesomeness,” so to speak, of their relationship. adrian is devoted to brinne not only as his sole source of companionship, but also as her servant. ultimately, she is the heir to the throne, and she will be his monarch. adrian certainly feels the weight of this even when they are teenagers, but is too nervous to breach the subject with brinne. brinne maybe thinks about this in passing a few times, but the power dynamic is hardly on her radar. to her, the future high priest of idris is virtually on the same level as the future monarch. while in terms of power she’s correct enough, in terms of social dynamics she couldn’t be more wrong. brinne also consistently disregards adrian’s concerns about their romantic relationship becoming obvious to other nobles. brinne invites and welcomes this judgment because she’s accepted that the noble court will never view her in a positive light, but adrian is still worried about the repercussions for both himself and brinne. whenever he brings this up, brinne ignores him. it’s shitty on her part, and adrian doesn’t have the strength to push it, even when he’s certain it’ll turn out for the worse.

after artemis’s massacre and brinne’s withdrawal from…everything, the landscape of their relationship is completely changed. brinne tries to sever everything between them because she can’t bear to be vulnerable anymore, and she knows that she won’t be able to keep from breaking down in adrian’s presence. adrian is crushed. after seven years of close friendship, three years of a romantic relationship, and the recent onslaught of trauma that’s left him newly disabled and with PTSD, brinne abandoning him is the one thing he just can’t take. especially when he sees her in pain and knows that he could help, and she still pushes him away. this is made significantly worse when brinne starts to use religion as a coping mechanism, as she goes to the chapel frequently and proceeds to act like nothing ever happened between her and adrian. adrian does actually manage to express his disheartenment about it, but brinne closes herself off emotionally so thoroughly that it barely reaches her.