#briellestyles

 Moving to New York was a big step for me. Having grown up in the suburbs of Connecticut, I was accustomed to the slow quiet lifestyle there. I was reluctant to move back with my dad, our relationship had been strained the past few months and I hadn't been to visit him. He called and texted semi-often but never really made more of an effort than that. I didn't hate my father, we just weren't compatible in the father-daughter relationship department.

My mother and I's relationship had fallen apart. With the new marriage to her third husband, I found myself being less and less of a priority to her. She loved me of course but what was I to do when she forgot I was even home and made dinner for just Dan and her? I made excuses for her but it really was simple, she didn't care enough. Since her first divorce, she has craved nothing but attention from men. She must have thought she wasn't good enough or something, but she was. My mother was beautiful, but high self esteem didn't come with looks. She had kind soul which attracted anyone.

My parents split up when I was young, the never married and they only had me and my sister together.We're only 2 years apart and she's my right hand. She shares the same interests as me and we have a bond that has grown stronger through the years. However, she decided to stay and live with my mother. Meaning we would be apart, but only a phone call away.

When I first arrived in New York, it was okay. My dad lived in a condo complex that had a least 200 condos in it. It was huge, it had a main parking lot that went around the whole place and there was about 4 condos per unit. It's pretty luxurious in my opinion, nothing similar to my big 4 bedroom house back home but it was nice.

Driving in the parking lot was annoying, a speed bump was every 1000 feet and to drive all the way to the end then find a spot was even worst. The people who lived around my dad seemed nice. A south african man and his wife and 2 sons lived 5 houses over, a sweet middle eastern family lived diagonally from us. We were the last unit in the whole place, the very end condo so it was okay to have no one on one side of us. On the other side was an empty condo, a elderly woman died leaving the condo abandoned for now, and leaving us pretty much secluded. On the other side of the windowed condo was a Lithuanian family. 2 kids and the parents, the daughter was at least 8 or 9 years old, and the son was an adult.

It seemed like there were a lot of people my age around here, but my friend making skills hasn't been the best lately. With depression and anxiety weighing on me because of my weight, I found myself spending a lot of nights alone in bed with a tv show on Netflix. I loved to be out, I loved to socialize but ever since my best friend disappeared with her dad, I've been in a rut.

Rachel and I were friends since freshman year of high school. We lived in the same town, and pretty much did everything together. Before my break with my dad, she would come to new york and visit at his old place. We had the best of times together. In Junior Year, Rachel had become different. She resented her mother for having a drug addict boyfriend and she desperately didn't want to spend time there. That's when she contacted her father to live with him. She moved in the middle of the year and was only 30 minutes away.

As school ended, I drove to visit her a lot. I started to notice a change after her being there only a few months. Her father was nothing less than weird. He spoke about changing the world and starting a church. Rachel would feed into it but I knew he was crazy. After months of trying to build back our broken friendship, Rachel and her father were convinced they were God and Jesus. I was taken back when I first heard it but what could I say? You can't argue with crazy people, it makes you crazy.

Her father would tell me that i'm the third person for their little awakening. That they were gonna start a church and save the world. I wondered what they were saving the world from but I realized it was all mental insane talk. Once I started to question everything he would say, Rachel became hostile towards me. She spewed hate at me whenever I would visit and would blame for a lot of things. Her father said it was her way of "cycling out negative energy" and I would go along because I missed my friend.

I finally realized I wouldn't get her back when her father and her suggested I leave my family. They offered me to live with them and deal with their cycling and healing processes. They smoked a lot of pot and at the time I did too, so I was kinda up for it. But also, Rachel's hostility got worst. We finally had a falling out when my mom heard her dad yelling at me about deciding to live home. My mom took the phone and argued with this crazy man who kept calling himself God.

I didn't talk to Rachel for months after that, until I got a text from a florida number. She said her dad and her moved there and she missed me. I responded and was happy to hear from my former best friend. It wasn't long before she started to say snarky things to me over text and terrible things. I had to cut all ties with her. I thought she was okay and safe but she wasn't.

Her mother facebook messaged me to tell me that she didn't know where she was and she wasn't well in the head. I responded and said florida but her father's parents said they never even came to them, like they were supposed to. I lost my only outlet at the time and I was devastated. After Rachel left is when my sister and I's bond grew stronger. I needed someone.

Moving to New York would be a fresh start in a way. I had no real close friends anymore so it wasn't like I was leaving someone major behind. Had I still been friends with her or anyone, I would have stayed. Sure, my sister is my best friend but she could handle my mom's lifestyle, I couldn't.

My dad was kind to me, showing me my room and talking about the neighborhood. My room was already decorated which I was kinda pissed about. The striking teal furniture almost made me gag. Ikea was clearly the only place my dad knew to shop with every single piece coming straight out of the catalog. The bed was a twin, different than my usual queen bed back home. It had a trundle bed underneath that I laughed about, who would stay here with me? Maybe my sister a few times but I doubt she'd come here anytime soon. Her dislike of my dad's current girlfriend meant she wouldn't spend more than a few hours here.

I immediately packed my things away in the two small dressers and hung clothes in the big closet. The TV was big but I didn't find myself watching cable, usually I was online. When i pulled back the white covers, it revealed teal sheets. What was it with this ugly color? I love blue but hate green so this color was like the baby of those two and I didn't approve. I would've asked to change it but I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings.

My first dinner in the house was weird. My dad's girlfriend sat at the head of the table, eyeing me and watching my every move. When I went for a bite, she went for a bite. She commented on my appetite and why I ate so little. I took it has a fat comment immediately but she cleaned it up with a question about eating earlier. I had nothing to eat since this morning and it was only 2 pieces of toast. I wasn't very hungry because I was uncomfortable. I didn't have the want to be here anymore, and I regretted my decision very fast.