#breathingwithjoy

A  few hours ago I was on my zabuton, my flying saucer

returning back to my self,

back to the atoms of my very

essence.

 And now preparing for landing, the flight attendant’s voice reminds me to fasten my seat belt. As I lace up my purple Chuck Taylors I wonder, does she have any other words of wisdom

to prepare the tender heart of this  traveler for a return to planet earth?

Last year I was in the UK and I didn’t miss being at home. I actually was getting a little sad because I was going to coming back to the states after 6 months away. A month in South Africa and the rest of the time in Birmingham, West  Midlands.  Now that I am back on this side of the pond this year and am truly grateful to be home with my sister and our rituals.  Our only dilemma is how to actually cook a dinner for two or how can I get the dressing /stuffing to be edible--this year. We are not wondering what we or our children will eat or where we sleep tonight.  We know we are safe and loved beyond measure. I have been moved to tears by so much...I think they are tears of gratitude.

Our family Thanksgiving has been filled with many, many draw dropping revelations  and lots of good news.  We saw the first ultrasounds of my beloved nephews at Thanksgiving 13 years ago.Another ritual is calling my grandmother and reviewing the Thanksgiving dressing/stuffing recipe.  She is 91 and loves this ritual with her oldest granddaughter.  She affectionally refers to me as number 1.

My sister and I have wonderful memories of spending Thanksgiving with a co-worker’s family and eating our first and last Vegan chocolate cake.  We still laugh about that day.  

So...off to do a little meditation and hopefully a shower before the curtain rises on another Thanksgiving.  I send out lots of love to my friends and families, especially at Upaya, my UK Cumberfamily, and my Brummie colleagues.

My car did not turn over when I left the pharmacy this afternoon.  I quickly did a calculation and decided given that it was in the high eighties it made sense to walk home, eat something, cool off and call the tow truck.  

I walked back to the car to meet the tow car driver.  He sat in the drivers seat and turned the key…and guess what, the car started. What is the lesson here?

the lyrics from Let it be came to me

Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be speaking words of wisdom, let it be

As a work in progress, I struggle with forgiveness.  Of course when the student is ready the right teacher appears.  This week one young man did what could be termed as the unforgivable, unspeakable act of killing 9 people in a church in South Carolina, Mother Emmanuel.  Yet, at the first hearing, survivors and family members of the loved ones lost gave this young man a huge gift, love and forgiveness.  At the same time we could hear the words of the loved ones,  we could see him.  His face was stoic, but I noted that his respiratory rate increased and in that moment-between the in breath and the out breath love slipped in. 

What do I have in common with this young man?  I also have met love with anger, indifference and the weapon of my own negative thoughts.  I have let my mind and heart be led by ideas about the state of universe that did not serve me and most likely added to the suffering within me and those around me.

And just like this young man I am worthy of receiving great love,  being forgiven for the unspeakable, and can give the gift of forgiveness.

Well…I was nearly undone by 35 minutes of waiting in line for some pizza and popcorn at the movies. As I waited I breathed, I stood with great posture, but when I finally got to the register I nearly leaped across the counter as i explained to the young person waiting on me that I did not need a gallon of bloody orange crush for two little kids!  She graciously made another suggestion and kept things moving. After some creative wrangling to get the sodas and popcorn in a bag I arrived almost in tears back to the theatre.

I returned back to the precept I have been working with and asked myself--”What are the lessons in this moment?” I felt very vulnerable and off-kilter. And I was a little hungry myself.  I must be every vigilant of the bull of my anger.  She needs some tending to every now and then. The boys were safe & sound with their other aunt. Ok to breath here….   I know in the past I could have stayed in a funk for a while.  With a little water, some reflection and popcorn I was able to enjoy the movie.

I did wonder “How the lead actress could run for 2 hours in heels?, But that is a question for another day.

Accepting this now

Practicing right mindfulness