#break me.

OH MY GOD??????? LOOK LOK AJSJSKSJK I AM LOSING IT 😭😭😭😭

JASONS SO F YHSHSHSJSKSSO UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH SIRRRRRRR????? dROOlinGgGg. SNARRRRRRLINGNGNGNGGGG LICKING HIS JAWLINE RN. I LOVE HIMMSMSSMSMSMSMSNSSMSMSOSOSAPPASLSLSMSSJSSNSJSNSNNSSSNSKSKSMS MWAHMEAHEMAHEMHEAMHEAMHWAMHWAMHEAMHEAM

AAAASSAAAAAAAHSHSJDKSKSKDJSSKSPWMJSSISKSJAJAJAJSJSJDKSKSJSJSSJNDSJSMSKSMDMDMD.I LOVE HIM SM LIKE BRO BRO BRO BRO. HES MY HUSBAND (REAL). HE MEANS THE WORLD. BAKRBANRBRKABBRBBBFRUFFFURRUFFFRRGGRRRRRBROCKABATAKABRAKRBCKAR.

There's a lot I could talk about right now, but I won't.

Instead, I'm going to be a better friend to you and turn my experiences into empathy.

"Test control, standby for initial core immersion."

 "Roger. Standing by for initial core immersion."

 Out of reflex, Asuka let out a sigh as she felt the cold, sticky orange fluid filling out the totality of space; she got the familiar feeling of the electrical current passing by, activating the synaptic neural circuits between her and the sim-program, and making the test plug come to life in an array of multicolored lights. They slowly dissipated into a view outside the plug before everything began to slowly be engulfed by an oppressive, heavy darkness, similar to when a shop turns off the lights; the darkness advanced slowly and surrounded her whole, leaving nothing else to see save for the cockpit seat where she was. 

She shifted in her seat, unnerved by the stillness. This didn't feel anything like Unit-02; it felt alien, cold to the touch, and it made her shiver. It felt like being in a place where you shouldn't be in, a place where you shouldn't even be peeking through the door.

"Hello, can anyone hear me?" Asuka asked. She hated the slight quivering tone in her voice, but she couldn't help it; this darkness made her feel uneasy, like something or someone was lurking there, waiting...

"OK, Asuka... Remember, this is just like those tests you used to take back in Germany." Misato's voice came over the com as if nothing was wrong, but it did little to calm Asuka. "Nothing out of the ordinary, just close your eyes, concentrate and synchronize as best as you can."

 "Yeah, I got that, Misato." The teen grumbled while she grasped the handle controls; she pulled up the HUD and checked the fluctuating marks. For some reason, all she could see was a screen filled with nothing but static, instead of Misato’s face or the 'sound only' screen.

"Just tell Akagi that whoever came up with that test suit design is a pervert and should be sent to jail, and when I find out who it was, there better be a medevac unit on standby for when I'm done."

"I know. It's a good thing you had a spare plug suit on hand, otherwise you would have had to take this test in the nude." Misato's voice sounded like she was smirking; this made Asuka roll her eyes. Of course she would make a joke out of something like this, after being all warm and concerned about her well-being on the phone. I should've known better; that good for nothing, morally-challenged failure of a guar--

"Wait, but I am wearing the stupid test plugsu--" Asuka’s voice got cut off as she suddenly saw a blue circle emerging in the darkness. The swirl of light began to eat away at the seat, making her float in the enclosed space; the light then grafted onto her back and expanded into something that seemed and felt like wings. She was pushed towards the blue pulsing light, slowly picking up speed. 

“Test control, standby for secondary core immersion."

"Roger. Standing by for secondary core immersion."

It was scary; the speed, the light, the darkness, the coldness... Everything was making no sense at all. Nothing was like the regular synch-sims and now the light was... Did she just see a deformed smiling face that looked like Ayanami?

"Pilot core immersion successful. Synching A-10 connections for synaptic circuit merge."

"What is going on he-- Help! Misato! Something's wrong with this stupid test-- Help!!"

Asuka screamed, unnerved by the voices she could hear over the com, voices that didn't seem to register anything wrong with her as she saw the blue glow grow closer and closer.

"Test control, all status are normal, test subject is standing by for synaptic circuit merge."

"Help! I'm stuck here! Someone help me!" Asuka shouted in panic as the orb suddenly began to pulse, making her feel a sudden rush of heat like nothing she had felt before; it felt as if the radiation would consume her, make her face feel distended and stretch like melted rubber.

"Roger, test subject standby for merge."

"HELP!!" the blueness was now an all-encompassing pure whiteness, and slowly, Asuka began to feel herself becoming one with the color, while all of her notion of Self, of her physical body, began to slowly fade away, retreating into the still and complete whiteness surrounding her.

 "Test control, proceed with synaptic circuit merge."

"MiSaTo!! AnYoNe! PlEaSe!"

Asuka continued to scream, but now even her voice seemed to be fading away, becoming one with the whiteness, becoming fused with the nothingness that was all that was left of the entry plug.

"HeLp Me!!"

"Roger. Proceeding with merge."

And then all that was left was the blinding whiteness. Asuka was no more.

"Test control, synapse fluctuations are nominal. Vitals are stabilized. Phase one has been successfully completed."

"Roger. Begin circuit merge with Pilot Soryu."

Asuka felt like she was in a dream, like her limbs were made out of lead, like just thinking about moving was as tiring as running 10 miles full speed. She couldn't really say she was moving her mouth or her neck; even if it felt like she was doing that, and even if no words could be heard, she could still feel her lips mouthing the words, 'help me,' over and over at no one in particular.

"Test control, initializing C. M. process with A-10 Neural array in 3, 2... 1. Begin A-10 C. M. process."

The voices continued to carry on as if nothing had happened, as if everything was still OK, making it hard for Asuka to focus.

Where was she? She felt disconnected, as if she wasn't supposed to be here or even exist.

Who was she? She knew she was still Asuka, but she didn't feel like she was Asuka. It felt more like she was supposed to be Asuka but for some reason she just couldn't be herself.

"Test control, be advised. A-10 is in process; ego shift expected within the next 300 seconds."

"Roger. Ego shift countdown standing by."

Asuka began to feel a small pulsing sensation reverberating throughout the whiteness, and out of nowhere, the sense of Self returned to her. Slowly she began to see herself again, feeling her body begin to gain a bit more solidness with each passing pulse; she could see her plug suit, the black and red along with the yellow compression buttons on her wrist slowly making defined lines as the forms gained dimension and mass and contours.

"Begin countdown to ego shift." A voice she recognized as Akagi's could be heard along the whiteness that was still all her eyes could see.

"Roger, beginning countdown."

The other voice answered before they began the standard 10-second countdown, and with every number, the whiteness gained some form, gray tones here and there that made it seem like the expense had an actual end for Asuka.

"3, 2... 1. Ego shift initialized."

"Test control, begin recording."

It felt like that time she licked a battery just to see what it felt like; a jolt of electricity was passing through her body, making the hair at the base of her head stand and her skin erupt in goose bumps. She could see herself, only it wasn't her. It was her same face, but her hair color was different; not blond, more like a coppery red. And her eyes were a clearer shade of blue as well. She was looking down, standing still, with her feet were pointing towards the floor if wherever they were floating on even had one.

It looked like she was hanging by her neck.

"Who a-- What are you?" she asked in a low voice. She reached out to touch her mirror self, but before she could, the other Asuka gasped and looked up, lunging at her, catching Shikinami by her throat and squeezing hard, eyes wild with fury and mouth set in a teeth-baring snarl.

Shikinami gasped, caught by surprise, feeling her (own?) hands closing around her throat. She listened as the material of her suit made small crackling noises; she felt her vision beginning to turn black. She tried to stop her (self?) from reaching forward and grabbing her (own?) wrists, but those electric pale blue eyes stared down, resolute.

"Test control, ego shift has been denied. Primary ego seems to be overtaking shift values."

"Increase test subject synchronicity value by a factor of 7."

"I'm Asuka Langley Soryu! Who the hell are you?" the other one said, the tone in her voice sounding, as if that was the only truth that mattered at the moment.

"I... You... Asuka... Asuka Shikinami La--" she managed to whimper painfully, but the other Asuka seemed to tower over her.

"Liar! You're not me! You can never be me! Look at you!" Asuka shouted before lifting the other one by her throat, squeezing harder still. Shikinami’s eyes seemed to pop out of her socket as her face began to turn blue. "You're dressed like a slut. Why the hell would you wear that stupid suit? I can see your ass and everything else!"

"I... It's not like I want to wear the--" Shikinami tried to say but the other Asuka squeezed hard and pulled her face closer, hissing out every word.

"Test control, be advised. Test subject experiencing psychosomatic trauma by 2.45."

"Maintain the synchronicity values for the test subject."

"You do. You’re nothing but a good little doll that does as she’s told and what's expected of her. You pathetic wretch. You are nothing but an abomination. Something pretty for others to look at and simple enough for any idiot to understand." Asuka finished those words by giving Shikinami's throat one long final squeeze, digging her fingers even more into her soft skin. Just as the other girl seemed about to fade away, the redhead tossed her to the ground, enjoying the sound she made as she fell into a heap at her feet.

"Test control, trauma value up by 5 points."

"Maintain value."

"That's your sole reason for existing. To make others not think too hard. To make them enjoy something simple and non-threatening. To coddle them and give them a sense of familiarity, but not challenge them into growing up." The last part was delivered with a flurry of kicks to Shikinami's ribs, making the girl gasp in pain.

"I'm...n-not..." Out of a sense of self-preservation, she curled into a fetal position, but her hands felt different, numb and strange, as if someone had cut off their circulation. Frowning, she glanced at them; noticing her hand puppet nearby, reaching out for it by pure sense of self-preservation.

Only to have Asuka's foot slamming down on it and her hand, making the girl howl in pain. The redhead stomped the doll a few more times, squishing her fingers as if she were killing something evil and vile.

"Test control, be advised. Test subject harmonization is being denied. Connection can’t be established."

"Increase secondary core depth to level 7 and keep the synchronicity value."

"This is what you are: nothing but a puppet, holding onto something you don’t have to give you some meaning since nothing else will. You need me to get some sort of completeness, but I hate dolls. You can never be me!"

Another kick followed, and then a sickening crunch. Shikinami began to cry in pain as she felt one of her ribs break under the assault. She tried to cradle her right hand, but through her pain and confusion noticed her hand was uncovered, and she could see the bandages from the cuts she sustained while she had tried t--

"Test control, be advised. Primary ego is overtaking CM Process."

"Reverse harmonic flow and begin a negative ego shift value."

"Cook for him!? What the hell? Are you his housewife?" Soryu snarled. She knelt down and grabbed Shikinami's left wrist, squeezing it and smiling cruelly as she saw the tears in Shikinami's eyes. "Are you so dumb and worthless you'd do something like that? How pathetic can you be?"

"I'm n-not pathetic!" Shikinami shouted back. She tried to force herself to fight through the pain, but was unable to focus. None of her pilot training at Nerv or the EU's air force had prepared her for anything like this; it had been mostly flight planning and training, but no physical regime. She was a test pilot, not a warrior, but she still managed to grab a hold of Soryu's plug suit, gasping and wheezing but still trying to straighten herself enough to stare at Asuka's eyes, fingers clenching the other fingers in a feat of strength.

 "Test control, be advised. Secondary core is showing backflow receptiveness. Value is too low to counter primary core."

"Decrease primary core near immersion to level 3."

"Of course you are! You're nothing but a pretty face! Nothing else!" Asuka screamed as she punched Shikinami with each sentence. "Only in a broken, screwed up, desperate world filled by wretches like you can you exist!"

"Test control, primary core is unresponsive. Secondary core is in negative ego value."

Shikinami was long gone before Asuka had finished; her left eye was swollen shut, blood was oozing from her nose and lips, and the only thing she could utter were gurgled sputters followed by her spitting out more blood.

"You're nothing but a thing designed for others, a dumb, stupid cow with nothing else to offer, just a pretty face that is not even yours. Just a cheap toy to be used and discarded like chewed gum that has lost its flavor," Asuka continued. She picked at the flimsy material of Shikinami's suit, tearing and ripping apart the connectors in her arms and legs before using her fingers to break apart the flimsy orange material covering her mid-body, displaying her breasts.

"Test control, be advised. Primary ego is overloading A-10 Neural array."

“Test Control, this is Dr. Akagi. Initiate ego shift withdrawal."

"Acknowledged. Initializing ego shift withdrawal."

"You don't deserve to have my face! You're nothing but a fake! A bad copy! Something only someone as dumb and pathetic as you could think is real!" Asuka said. She picked up Shikinami once more, but this time she grabbed her face, fingers digging into the soft, tender flesh of her cheek; her thumbs pressed on the blond girl's eyes, eliciting cries of pain from her as Shikinami felt pressure and then an intense flare of blinding pain erupting on her left eye.

Asuka felt like she had squished a grape as blue slime began to ooze out slowly from where she had put Shikinami’s eye out.

"Understood. Test control, begin protocol for CM termination."

"Understood. Standby to initialize CM termination."

"You’re nothing but a cheap fake," Asuka kept repeating over and over as Shikinami slowly began to dissolve into nothingness, like a wax figure that stood too close to a source of heat. The remnants of the suit blended in with the paleness of her skin and the redness of her blood as her limbs began to drop into heaps of bone and sinew leaving behind other bits and pieces of her that slowly puddle together into nothingness...

"Test control; finalize C.M. procedure."

And then Asuka opened her eyes again.

"Acknowledge. C.M. procedure finalized."

Asuka gasped into the LCL and opened her eyes before reaching up to touch her left one gingerly; she was experiencing the same kind of phantom pain one would get from numbness when, suddenly, the front housing of the entry plug opened to reveal Misato and Ibuki.

"Asuka? Are you OK?"

"My eye tingles," she said miserably, feeling as if her mouth was packed with cotton and her head was in a concrete block. Her hands felt as if someone had stepped on them viciously; there was a stinging sensation on her left side. "I feel like I got punched around by someone. What happened?"

"It's OK, Asuka. There were some complications during the test, but everything's alright now. You're probably just experiencing neural flashbacks from the immersion exercise." Misato smiled kindly as she eased her bangs away from her face. "But you did great! A 93% synch and harmonic immersion ratio! Rei only got a 68% last time. Tell her, Maya!"

"You're seriously comparing me to Rei?" Asuka shot back angrily while running her hand through her hair; for some reason she felt different.

"Oh, come on... Just take a compliment and don't pick it apart. How about if I buy you dessert from that new coffee place you said you wanted to try out? My treat."

That made Asuka smile.

"Alright, you're on! Let me just take a shower and get this smell off."

"Alright, I'll walk with you. Come on." Misato smiled back and walked behind Asuka while Maya smiled and made several notes on her clipboard.

----- -----

Ritsuko stood near the closed black container, peering inside and shaking her head. Theoretically, the immersion had yielded results, just not the results she had been looking for.

"Core Merge Process Finalized. All visual and audio records are to be classified for access of Level 5 directives. All access requests will be routed to Head of Science, Supreme Commander Nerv-Japan and Supreme Commander Nerv-EU."

This meant she now had to look for a place to put this Asuka in. Killing a clone shouldn't be a problem, after all, there had been countless other Reis she had disposed of already, but for some reason, Langley from Nerv EU had demanded all results and test subjects be handled to his special detail directly.

How annoying. Well, at least Shikinami won't be my problem.