The air in the locker room felt hot and sticky, shouting could be heard from outside as you laced up your shoes for your first game. You were a freshman on the college volleyball team, another new face and considered a pester for your older teammates. You checked yourself out in the mirror before stumbling out onto the gym nervously, you felt like a baby giraffe using its legs for the first time. “Get it together…” You told yourself. Your talents were undeniable and you deserved your spot on the team, regardless of the anxious thoughts that ran through your mind. A deep breath filled your lungs and left in a moment's release, hands slightly shaky and clammy. People lined the rows, eagerly awaiting the game to start while everybody cheered for their favorite players and teams. Standing up straight for a sense of false confidence, you stood in your position ready. You could feel one pair of eyes in particular latching onto you, who? No other than your team captain, of course. Kim Yeon-Koung, one of the best volleyball players in the world was staring directly into your soul as if already displeased with you. Her eyes were piercing like a hawk and her eyebrows furrowed together as she had only one goal in mind, winning.

Yaki moved with grace across the gym, seemingly every time the ball came her way she could score a point. No matter who she was up against her expertise and professionalism shined through, she remained a true force to be reckoned with. You always admired how she made it look so easy, nearly effortless when it came to doing what she loved. As the game continued on, the focused look she had only left her face when it was time to celebrate. Her charming smile could switch off to an intimidating death stare towards the opposing team within an instant, that was the competitive nature about her. She was magnetic to you even if you knew it was wrong, you didn’t want to be right. She was so attractive it was easy to look past her defensive and stern demeanor. There has been a time too many when Yaki had gotten onto you, whether it was for hitting the ball in the wrong direction or simply not playing exactly how she wanted you to. When it had become game time she turned ruthless, at times she even hurt you and your other teammate’s feelings.

Regardless… She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

“Hit the ball, idiot!”

Somehow you managed to lose your train of thought midgame, the ball flew right by you and hit the floor allowing your opponents to gain a point. Yaki threw her hands up in the air, muttering curse words under her breath. Nothing made her angrier than when we royally screwed up, especially a mistake made by a younger teammate. Her attitude could shift from sweet to seeing red within an instant. You cuffed your face with your hands, wiping off some sweat. Pure humiliation and shame sent a shock through your body, knocking you back down to Earth once again. You wanted to run or hide, anywhere away from everyone else but you couldn’t. Yaki took a deep breath and made a “come here” motion with her hands and you knew all her wrath was about to be released upon you. You made your walk of shame towards her, keeping your posture as stiff and tall as you could in an attempt to not display your guilt.

“Are you kidding me? I’m not losing because of you. Get it together, Y/n.”

“Im sorry I-”

“I don’t care, that will not ever happen again.”

She scoffed and fixed her position, making sure to scrunch her face up enough to express her disdain for you. You hated that you could never defend yourself with her, as much as you knew you were in the wrong. Everyone held their places and the game continued, this time you were going to prove yourself. The winning team served the ball and this time your eyes were hyperfocused on it. One of your teammates hit the ball to the other side but the defense knocked it back over to you, this was your chance and you took it. You slammed the ball with your palm as hard as you could, your opponents scurried over to defend but they were no match. You scored a point, quickly recovering from your hiccup earlier. You threw your hands up and cheered with the team, a big smile covered Yaki’s face. Nothing made you happier than when she was proud of you. She always managed to shift your emotions, hitting every notch on the spectrum from anger to butterflies fluttering around in your tummy.

Both teams were now even and whichever team scores will be the winner. Yaki gave a quick pep talk, assuring everyone we could have this. Regardless of her rough exterior, she was an amazing coach and you knew that. You respected her even though you knew she saw you as an ant. Every time she switched from being angry to happy with you it tugged at your heartstrings, leaving you absolutely hopeless. You doubted she even acknowledged your existence sometimes but the high was enough to keep you confident for the remainder of the game. Your team served the ball and thus came the usual back and forth of the two teams. This one was tough since everyone was fighting for a win, footsteps squeaked across the floor as everyone shouted at each other. Sure enough, Yaki hit the ball and made it land smack across the floor. The team huddled together to give everyone a joyous embrace, Yakis hand graced your back before pulling away. Being within her presence never lasted long enough.

You hunched over on a cold metal bench, sweat running down your back and neck. The stench of gungy knee pads and sopping uniforms filled the air. Bodysprays and deodorant attempted to mask the hazardous scent. Your gaze stayed on the worn blue tiles along the locker room floor. The scuffle and rummaging of tennis shoes and lockers flinging open, cheering and laughter layered over. You grabbed a soft cotton towel and headed to the showers, a curtain covered the cubicles. You whipped the curtain open impatiently and began taking your clothes off, hanging them over the steel rod above you. Soapy suds and a thick lather coated your body, a holy cleanse after the intense game you endured. Hot water hit your back as your mind recalled Yaki lecturing you, the way her eyes seemingly filled with hatred and resentment. Though the game was won, your mind ate at your flaws and faults.

Never good enough.

You turned the faucet off and began to dry off, wrapping a separate towel in your hair. You felt clean and fresh, ready to go home and pass out. Upon leaving, you saw the girls all huddled around Yaki as she rambled. Laughter and giggles from everyone eating up one of her elaborate storytimes, admittedly she was funny. Looks and a good sense of humor, she had everything. You picked up your duffel bag and let it slouch over your shoulder before heading towards the door. It was obvious how a few girls just wanted brownie points with the captain, some kept their distance because they couldn’t stand her. At the moment you weren’t sure where you and Yaki stood until she called your name out just before you could leave. She stood up and cut her storytime short, feet scuffling over towards you. She cleaned up well as you could smell her musky perfume lingering from her body as she moved closer.

“Let’s talk.”

She pulled you out for some privacy, her hand resting on your shoulder.

You nodded your head in obedience, ready for whatever criticism she was about to give you.

“How did you not see it coming? I’ve never seen you freeze up like that before.”

Her hands cupped the air in frustration, the concept of it being your first game and never playing in front of that many people never occurred in her mind. Even though you knew, who was really distracting you at the moment. You paused, your eyes pointed at the ground as you tried to come up with an excuse. You felt the heat of Yaki’s intimidating glare on you, looking you up and down in pity.

“I made a mistake, there is no excuse for it and I’ll admit that. It won’t happen again but stop acting as you weren’t in my position before.”

“Because I wasn’t, I was much better than you at your age.”

She cocked a sly grin and tilted her head, she thought herself hilarious and cute. However, you found nothing funny about the situation. Your mind raced with a hundred scenarios where Yaki could have passed the ball to a better spot or times when she let her close friends off the hook when they messed up yet got onto you for the slightest mistake. Your eyes wanted to jolt all the way to the back of your brain but you didn’t wanna come off too rude to your senior. You smacked your teeth together and said nothing, the both of you making eye contact. The air grew quiet and tense as she knew you weren’t saying how you truly felt. Either way, she felt as though it was the perfect time to listen to the sound of her voice yet again.

“Practice tomorrow morning, eight o clock. Be there, your career depends on it.”

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Yaki switched into a shirt and shorts to assess her daily wine down, It had been a long day after all. Every day is a long day for an athlete, the body was in good shape but the mind remained heavy sometimes. She lives alone, on the days she isn’t busy she is usually staying out of the public eye. Her notoriety had sparked in recent years especially despite being well known for a long time now. Yaki, let out a big yawn before collapsing in bed and turning on something to watch, presumably her usual drama. The apartment was quiet but tidy and kept. For the most part, she was content with living alone but it does get lonely. The difference between going from loud cheering crowds to silence is hard to adjust to. Every night she did a quick rundown on what the teammates need to improve, at the end of the list was you. There was never a moment where Yaki doubted your talent, it was your focus that came into question.

What is that girl always thinking about?

Yaki sighed after closing her laptop. Silence, darkness then came the tossing and turning. Reaching over to the other side of the end table she grabbed her phone and opened up her socials, scrolling to see if anyone has posted anything new. She paused and clicked her tongue, feeling nosey enough to search up your name. You both followed each other but never interacted much, things were always friendly if they weren’t tense. Admittedly, she knew you were the easiest to get a reaction out of. The way you pulled yourself away from her was noticeable, whether you meant to or not.