#bravolebrities

upper east side white women and their petty squabbling nourish my soul

"there's so much tension between all the girls, which is why i thought, 'let's invite them to go somewhere!'" - luann is ~ * pissed * ~ she missed out on scary island and is trying to recreate the magic

luann can't stop gushing about how cosmopolitan morocco is, which makes for a hilarious smash cut to ramona fretting about being sold into white slavery

ramona is really taking it from 0-100 any time anyone (rightly) confronts her while she's drinking. which since it's ramona is every time these women are in the same room

sonja's high priced s+m escort look for the cover of a toaster oven themed cookbook is a fucking vibe

sonja tries to delicately clamber up on her dining room table without "pulling a britney" like she didn't have her ~ * entire ass * ~ out at her costume party

"i have no intentions of seeing another woman's vagina! i am not a gynecologist!" clearly this is the only scenario where such an event might transpire. kelly might actually have a value lower than 1 on the kinsey scale

"never open a gift in the middle of a hotel lobby!" - luann says this like jill dropped trou and took a shit at the check in desk

guys! jill is back from australia! and brought gifts! remember the shade she threw when ramona was hawking her jewelry on the yacht last season? "if it was me, I would have made gift bags for everybody." well, jill didn't start a jewelry line. instead, jill went to australia and has now returned to bestow upon everyone...stuffed koala keychains from next to the cash register at the airport gift shop

sonja actually does a terrifyingly accurate impression of ramona, but loses points as we all know the "darling" is luann's signature

"happy birthday francois!" we got some dude you don't know to come play piano! we will extol his professional credentials to you! don't get your grimy fingerprints on it! god bless alex and simon and their brooklyn bordello aesthetic.

what's more appalling? that cindy danced with sonja's butler? or that sonja continued her ramona impression by bugging her eyes out of her skull at the very thought that someone would see her staff as a fellow human being? if you are uncomfortable giving a specific answer, noting your tax bracket will suffice.

"have some respect for ramona. she needs the glass of * ~ p i n o t g r i g i o ~ * in her hand when she arrives." sonja had a point here. I mean, the ladies did all schlep out to the ends of the earth quogue for a daytime adult pony ride party. the least cindy could have done was accommodate all their specific whims.

ramona's sales manager nancy has the smallest pupils I've ever seen and doesn't blink. thank god ramona is diversifying her jewelry designs because if that woman came at me with a giant bejeweled cross i'd brain her with a bottle of ramona's precious pinot grigio...

...which apparently ramona is actually responsible for producing in italy! this gives luann an opportunity to be delightfully snide about geographic pronunciations: "it's italy not long island."

"i'm actually glad that i'm not invited to sonja's toaster oven party." - cindy

"you worry too much!" sonja trills merrily literally 7 seconds before flying off her horse and face first into a fence

the girls treat cindy inviting them to quogue like she suggested they all go clothes shopping at tractor supply company

"thank you for honoring my native american heritage!" luann gushes to kelly, who responds graciously with a war whoop from peter pan

(aww, pupper with a wheelchair for its back legs!)

kelly making sand angels is peak manic pixie dream girl energy