#brandov

BOHMISCH- GRUNTHAL / BÖHMISCH- GRÜNTHAL => now BRANDOV, CZECH REP.

I came over to talk the other night about him moving. Sitting right next to each other, I felt so far from him. It was the worst feeling, I needed it to be shattered. Eventually..we let our guard down and cuddled in bed. Everything fell into place. We were normal. Our movements and affection were natural. It felt so good not to stifle anything for the first time in over 10 days. I laid my head on his chest and shut my eyes. That place.. That place where you sit or lay or pass by or think of that allows you complete comfort. That space that takes you out of your head and dulls any ailments, worries, or fear. That place for me is that spot on chest. All my frustrations or problems become so small and I warmed by his grip on me. Warmed by his presence. Even though it was our last night spending together and I was teary, I was still so calm lying there. Like that no matter what life threw at me, everything was going to be okay. I remember one time I was driving to his house during a rain and thunder storm. I stressed out driving through the canyon and was frightened and on edge by the time I reached him. I fell into his room, dove into his bed and laid on his chest in his arms and was instantly calmed. I will miss that so much. This night was a really nice way to end things. Before I left he put his hair up in a bun for me which I've never seen before and I was squealing inside. I hate him. I don't. But I hate to adore him. I hate to have so much to offer to someone so great but I am unable to give it. I hate to have built only to break down. This is so stupid but I hate that he's getting a really really badass (though I tell him it's lame) new bedspread and I won't be able to sleep in it. I hate a lot of things. But..before that hate came something that I enjoyed very much and I can't forget that. I am grateful. And I am excited for his moving adventures. Maybe in another time and place we can be close again. I am calm now but I'm sure I'll be upset later. Ricocheting back and forth forth until he's gone. Le sigh... End emotional nostalgic rant.

p.s. he almost wears my bra better than me.