I thought 24 was going to be the best year of my life. 

Then I had to get braces.

Okay, I don’t actually have them yet. But they are coming to a mouth near you very soon.

And the reactions to my news have been, well, less than stellar. One of my closest friends suggested I would have to hold off on dating for a year. Another told me, “a year without sex isn’t that bad.” Other gems include: 

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Oh, I know someone who had braces in their 50s.”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Now is a good time to focus on your writing, instead.” (Instead of what?!?)

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Why don’t you just get Invisalign?”

“Do you mean you’re getting braces or Invisalign?”

Let me tell you, dear reader: if I was getting Invisalign, I would not be writing a blog about it. I am getting braces, straight up. (Okay, not entirely straight up-- I am getting ceramic ones).

If this all sounds excessively whiney and melodramatic... well, brace for it. (I made a pun! Get it? Get it? Yeah, girl, they got it. Move on). I’m about a month away from getting braces put on and I’m not particularly pleased. Here’s the thing: I understand how lucky I am to be able to get braces, I do. I mean, I understand how lucky I am to have parents who are more than willing to pay for my braces, because I’m a Hollywood assistant, and if you think I can afford orthodontia on my salary, you are sorely mistaken. So, yes, I am very lucky. 

But I’m also very upset, and I’ve found my network of people to be somewhat less than supportive of my feelings, if I am putting it mildly. I love my parents, but they’ve described my (in-their-minds over)reaction to getting braces as silly, stupid, and a little ungrateful. (Of course I’m a little ungrateful! I’m a 24 year-old crying over the fact that her parents are spending a lot of money to fix her smile. I fucking own it). But I also have a history with depression and anxiety, so it goes a little deeper than just being a whiney girl who is worried no one’s gonna ask the brace-face to the school dance.   

So why am I doing this blog (asked no one)? Well, writing is kind of the only way I know how to deal with things. I’m not posting it all over my Facebook or my Twitter. I’m not even telling anyone I know that I’m doing this, except for one other assistant at my workplace, and then only because it came up in conversation as a casual, joking idea before I realized I might seriously want to do this. Coincidentally, she’s also the only person in my life who has had a decent reaction to the whole about-to-become-a-brace-face situation. She’s even gone as far as to say she’s excited that I’m getting braces. I’m not quite sure what she is excited for, but, hey, I’ll take it.

I’m not attaching my name to this thing, although, really, if you figure out who I am, I couldn’t care less. I hope this will be a funny and snarky foray, although I’m sure it will get a bit depressing at some points. I am hoping to make it helpful without being didactic (if you want a list of foods you can and can’t eat with braces, you can definitely find a list elsewhere on the Internet... if you want to read about my own grubbing misadventures, well, I am sure I will be posting some, because I love food, and the idea of this mouthy-mechanical-mishegas possibly preventing me from a year of eating whatever the hell I want is quite irritating).

I hope this will help other people who are getting braces as adults. I hope this well help me, too (I’ve been leaving up a window with pictures of braced-smiles on my work computer, just to get used to the idea of seeing them... seriously, I am trying anything to help myself). And hey, if some network exec wants to pick-up my undoubtedly hilarious account of my year with adult braces and green-light a sure-to-be-shortlived-and-instantaneously-tiring sitcom about living with adult braces, well, I’m not going to protest.