#bqllamy

Still, she insists he needs someone. And when it's the seventh day in a row of him heating up a frozen dinner and flopping on the couch to eat it alone while watching crappy reruns of some cop procedural, the loneliness finally hits him; it sinks into his bones, an anchoring weight that really digs its hooks into his chest and he has the sudden realization that if the earth swallowed him whole he's not exactly sure there's anyone out there (excluding Christine) that would actually give a shit. He manages to stomach one more bite of reheated frostbitten steak that tastes more like cardboard and chemicals than actual meat.

He decides that maybe Christine isn't completely wrong. He's still a relatively fresh divorcee, and maybe he can chalk it up to some kind of midlife crisis if need be, but getting a dog isn’t necessarily the worst idea in the world.

So that’s how he finds himself one day later driving around the city from shelter to shelter on his day off looking for his perfect match. He's tired, slightly disappointed and about to call it a day when he finds her. She couldn’t be more than four months old, an Australian shepherd, just a tiny ball of multicolored fluff with the bluest eyes Leonard has ever seen.

Leonard talks to one of the volunteers and after getting to play with the pup for a little bit, his heart is officially sold. And just like that, he finds himself making plans to come back to pick her up tomorrow and walks out with a feeling akin to hope.

*

Leonard returns to the shelter with a happier heart and a pep in his step; who would have thought Christine’s advice about getting a dog already seems to be helping him heal. He's made all the arrangements--bought all the supplies he could think of, puppy-proofed his apartment as much as he could, researched vets, even found a decent dog park nearby--he’s as ready as can be.

The shelter’s lobby is deserted when he walks through the front doors. Leonard silently begins panicking, debating whether he should wander around or maybe even come back later when a voice welcoming him with a cheery good morning! snaps him out of his mild hysteria. It came from somewhere on his left and when he cranes his head, he sees a blond man with thick framed glasses poking his head out from behind a computer screen.

Leonard stares. He doesn’t mean to be rude--his mama sure as hell raised him with some manners--but this guy. He’s smiling like Leonard just told him he won a free pass for life to Disneyland; so blindingly bright that it should be annoying, but Leonard feels his heart betray him and skip a beat because God help him he’s attracted to this nerd.

“Name’s Jim,” hot nerd chirps. “How can I help you today?”

Leonard rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment of all the thoughts running wild in his head as he slowly inches closer to where Jim sits so they’re not yelling across the room to have a conversation. “I was here yesterday,” he starts and Jim nods in encouragement, like there’s nothing he’d rather be doing than listening Leonard’s fascinating story. “The kid, um, Pavel I think was his name, said to come back today to fill out some papers and then I would be able to take home the dog I picked out.”

“You’re adopting--that’s great!” Jim gestures to the chair in front of his desk. “We just have these forms here for you to fill out,” he says, thrusting a clipboard and pen at Leonard, “and then there’s just the adoption fee to cover before you can take your new buddy home.”

“That’s not as many hoops as I was expectin’ to have to jump through,” Leonard mumbles to himself as he uncaps the pen.

Jim says nothing, just goes back to his computer work still smiling. Leonard kind of wants to punch him.

He’s preoccupied as he tries to fill out his basic information--something that should be as easy as breathing, but for some reason he can’t quite get his brain to focus on recalling his address and phone number. Jim’s voice startles him out of his reverie and Leonard blushes like he wasn’t just daydreaming about the man sitting three feet in front of him.

“So who’s the lucky one heading home with you?” Jim’s eyes crinkle at the corners, like he’s aware of the double entendre.

“Do you know the Australian shepherd puppy? Her name’s Mel, but I was thinkin’ that I’d rename her Georgia since that’s where home was originally.” Leonard smiles and thinks about how pleased his mama will be to hear that when they have their weekly call on Sunday.

“That’s nice,” Jim says. His face falls and Leonard’s brow knits in confusion at the sudden change in Jim’s demeanor. He goes back to clacking away on the computer keyboard, so Leonard doesn’t comment, just continues to distractedly fill out the 5,000 papers it’s going to take to get his new companion.

*

In his peripheral vision, Leonard can tell that Jim is rubbing his face, but he doesn’t actually look up until he hears the sniffling. And what he sees is honestly weirding him out. Jim looks, well, distraught--blotchy red face, runny nose; he’s either having some kind of allergy attack or... something. Leonard thinks it’s a bit of an odd time for a complete breakdown, but who is he to judge? It’s not a pretty sight. Leonard wonders if ugly crying is what the price for eternal cheeriness was. His heart stutter-thumps anyway. Damn, so he’s still attracted to this mess then.

“Uh, is everything okay?” Leonard asks because he’d be a real asshole if he didn’t.

“Great, everything’s great,” Jim says wetly before grabbing a tissue to blow his nose loudly. “All finished with the forms then?”

Leonard hands over the clipboard and before he knows it, he’s tucking his credit card back into his wallet and Pavel has appeared out of thin air to take him back to get his new puppy and he has no idea what just happened.

“What just happened?”

Pavel gives him a sad laugh. “Jim has played with Mel ewery day zhat she has been here. He is just emotionally attached and will miss her a great deal.”

And suddenly Leonard felt like the biggest jerk for rescuing an innocent puppy. “Why doesn’t he just adopt her?”

“It’s not my place to say,” Pavel replies.

Leonard knows he shouldn’t be prying into a stranger’s life and lets the matter drop. His arms are soon full of fluffy, wiggly puppy; his negative feelings--his worries and doubts, the what-ifs, the can’ts, the black vortex that has been slowly choking him and sucking him down deeper and farther into nothingness--all fade away into the background. And even though he’s been knocked down to flat on his back and has an almost 30 pound puppy dancing on his chest and crushing his ribs he feels like he can finally breathe.

*

It feels like Georgia’s been licking his face for hours when Leonard realizes he should probably get up off the floor and take her to her new home. Pavel’s been quietly laughing in the corner and starts talking him through what to expect in the first few hours as Leonard scoops Georgia up into his arms.

It’s not until they’re back out in the lobby that Leonard remembers to feel guilty about Jim. The place is still deserted and there’s no sign of him. Pavel is about to depart into the office behind the lobby counter when Leonard impulsively stops him. “Hey Pavel?” he calls out. “Is Jim around somewhere? I just wanted to thank him.”

Pavel nods excitedly before he disappears to locate the man in question.

Leonard mentally kicks himself for sounding so pathetic, but he couldn’t just leave without Jim getting to say goodbye to the puppy. As he’s trying to figure out what he’s going to say, the sounds of an argument filter out from the office and then Jim bursts through the door like he had been pushed.

“Uh… hey,” Jim says. He runs his fingers through his blond hair nervously. “Pavel said you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Leonard clears his throat. “Well, he said that this one was your favorite and I didn’t want to just leave without you gettin’ a chance to say bye.” He shifts Georgia in his arms; his hold on her started to slip as soon as she saw Jim and he was terrified of dropping her.

A hesitant smile bloomed on Jim’s face as he walked over to Leonard to scratch behind Georgia’s ears. It was clear that Jim was upset and Leonard was nothing if not a healer deep in his bones, wanting to remedy Jim’s sadness the only way he knew how.

“That wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to talk to you though,” Leonard began.

Blue eyes snapped up from where they were watching a little pink tongue run over rough hands. “Yeah?” Jim asked, something a little like hope hidden in his voice.

“I was wonderin’ if you wanted to go to the dog park with us sometime? Can’t have her mopin’ and missin’ your cheery mug now, can I?”

Jim leaned forward so Georgia could lick his nose. “I’d love that. Saturday?”

Leonard nodded. “Then it’s a date.”

Jim’s answering smile was blinding.