The FAST skill is useful for working to communicate in a way that preserves relationships while also maintaining one’s own self-respect.
be Fair - Validate your own emotions as well as the person you are communicating with.
Listen to others’ needs but also do not avoid voicing your own needs. Another person’s wants and needs are important. So are yours. Try to keep both people in mind, and try to be open to compromise, but do not allow your desires to be ignored. Compromise may allow both of you to get what you need.
don’t Apologize unnecessarily - Many people over-apologize, or apologize when they haven’t actually done anything wrong. They may apologize for having an opinion or for disagreeing, or to calm conflict or soothe anger.
This can lead to undermining one’s own self-respect, and may also make you seem insincere when you have good reason to apologize, and you are really sorry. If you apologize for everything, it may be hard to tell when you actually mean it.
Stick to your values - Don’t do things that go against what you are sure is right for you. Don’t go along with things just to impress a new friend or please a new partner, if they are against your values.
If they push you to give up your values, maybe that relationship isn’t right for you.
be Truthful - Don’t tell lies. Don’t stretch the truth, or exaggerate, or make up excuses.
Making a habit of being untruthful often has a way of coming back to bite you, and of harming relationships. It’s better to avoid it completely.
Disclaimer: This advice is meant to be used for relationships that you want or need to preserve. It is also not meant to be used in a situation that you feel may be unsafe.
Read about other DBT skills here.
