#boytoyinc

Listen

I know OP made this post non-rebloggable. And normally I would never do this. But this post? Helped me understand something that has been bothering me for a large part of this year.

One of my close friends just up and stopped talking to me one day. Silence for a whole week. When I finally got in contact with them, they said they needed space, and that they weren't angry at me. Okay, cool.

Month goes by. I'm giving them space. We haven't spoken in weeks when we used to talk everyday. But it's fine. Or it was, until I noticed that they unfriended me everywhere. They told me they weren't mad, but all the sudden we're no longer friends?

So I asked. I asked what I did that obviously made them so upset. Because I just couldn't figure it out. And when they told me, I still couldn't understand.

They told me that I complained too much. I was too negative. I would tell them about how much I hated my job, how I hated getting ghosted by employers after interviews, how useless it all seemed. I admit, I did talk about that a lot. But if I had known that it made them uncomfortable, I would have stopped. When I asked why they didn't tell me that I was making them uncomfortable with my topic of conversation, they said--

"I am not obligated to share anything with you."

Okay...? I understand that no one is obligated to tell anyone else their business, but at the expense of your own comfort? I made you upset day after day because you felt I had no business knowing how you were feeling about that topic, and you just dealt with it? Until you couldn't handle it anymore and then just cut me off like a necrotic limb?

Honestly, I didn't even need to know WHY you were uncomfortable with the topic. If I had known I was making my friend uncomfortable about anything, I would have stopped immediately. Because that's how important that person is to me. Was to me.

And I know I'm not blameless in this. But you can't fix something unless you know how it's broken. Or that it's broken at all. I wasn't given the chance to change my actions because I was not made aware that my actions were causing harm. I don't need a memoir. I don't need someone to explain their entire life to me to explain why they don't like something. Just a simple "Hey, can we not talk about that? I'm not feeling that subject" and it's done.

And this post helped me realize that I was tap dancing on a boundary that I didn't know existed because it was "none of my business." So being private was more important to you than your own mental health. Keeping your business to yourself and under lock and key was more important than anything else. And I was never going to be able to fix this. Because it was not my problem.

I'm going to say that again, for me:

It was not my problem.

So thank you, OP. You've helped me cut off my own necrotic limb: this nagging worry that I've been wrong, and I should have done more, and wondering what that more could possibly be. The door was slammed in my face, and I didn't even know it existed. There was nothing more I could possibly do.

I can finally let this go and move on.