@box-of-musesā / Seto Kaiba
Iām sorry about the other night. I wasnāt making much sense, and itās not making much more to me sober. Yet, Iāll try to explain myself as best as I can--in order as best as I can remember. There was a lot of alcohol involved, but I think I owe you a better explanation than whatever that was.
So, letās start with the kiss--the first one. I was feeling affectionate, I think; I donāt know why I thought it was a good idea, but Iād meant to kiss you on the cheek or forehead--somewhere friendly--and I missed. And then you kissed me. I shouldnāt have laughed, but... after everyone always accused me of having feelings, there was Seto Kaiba kissing me and what appeared to be very seriously at the time. I suppose it just struck me as some kind of vindicating irony for all those years of harassment. I didnāt, but you did.
That sounds even more awful in text, Iām sorry. Still, despite that, I meant what I said when I donāt know how I feel. Granted, I really was trying to flirt with you then, because--like I said--Iād gotten the idea in my head that you had feelings for me and I really didnāt mind being kissed by you. At this point, Iām much less sure of anything, but I was so stubborn. Iām an idiot sometimes; Iāll admit it, but I thought if I accepted those feelings Iād make you happy. Weād figure something out (and have a very nice Valentineās). Yet, I really just made things worse, didnāt I?
I thought I was considering how you felt, but really I was just a pushy drunk jumping to conclusions. Which, I think, leaves the question of what I really want. I tried answering that a few times, but I never did a very good job. So, what I want, as clearly as I can word it: if you have feelings for me and want to date, then Iād like to try. If not for your sake, then becauseĀ āI donāt know how I feelā doesnāt mean that I never will. I think I could be happy with you, if thatās how things turn out.
Although, If you donāt, then Iām happy with things as they are. Because, above all else, I value you as a friend. I bought those rings to prove that to you, albeit I think I forgot that Iām the only one whoās that embarrassingly sentimental. I digress. You donāt have to answer this right away--if there is an answer, at all. I expect I was mostly making an ass of myself. I care about you, which will have to be a separate letter unto itself at this point. Alas.
I hope you can forgive how obnoxious I was, and that the day finds you well.