#boulevardofbrokenyeets

It was dark, cloudy, wet, cold, and Ryan had no idea why he had agreed to be the one to go out on a beer run. He didn’t even drink. ‘It was loud,’ he reminded himself as he pulled the leather of his jacket tighter around his body. The lads had just gotten a new horror game for Halloween, and had some how convinced Geoff to play it while everyone watched. So the penthouse was latten with screams, and as much as Ryan loved hearing people scream, he needed a break.

Ryan had intended just to go to the corner store at the end of the block, but Geoff suggested that he go to the one on the other side of town and get kolaches too. He was going to refuse but the minuet the Lads heard the name of the pastry they were practically chanting for them, so he relented and went.

It wasn’t as nasty of weather when he had left, so he had decided to walk. A bad decision on his part seeing at not a short distance away, the weather had decided to go gray and wet. He could have turned back and gotten his car, but if there was one thing The Vagabond of the Fake AH Crew was not, it was a quitter.

He finally made it to his destination, and went in to purchase the beer and kolaches, taking perhaps more time than was needed to let warmth seep back into his fingers before he headed back out. Leaving the convenience store be began to make his way back to the penthouse, but was stopped short by a sound in a dark alley he passed.

Curious, Ryan turned down the alley to investigate. He was highly unprepared for what he found. There, laying in a pile of garbage, was a man wearing snug bright orange and purple clothes, with hair to match, looking a little like he had dropped from the sky. He looked around, trying to see if there was anyone else there, before cautiously walking up to the seemingly unconscious man.

Suddenly the man sprag from the garbage and to his feet, a bright smile on his face and fists ressting on his hips, his whole stance screaming bravado despite being rather short. Ryan jumped, hand instinctively going for his gun, pulling it out and leveling it at the other. Absently he mentally patted himself on the back for not dropping the kolaches and beer. The strange man turned to Ryan, and seemed to be unfazed by the gun pointed at his head.

“Greetings earthling!” The man said, and Ryan just about fell over. Either this guy was a nut job, or this was by far the weirdest day of his life…...Well maybe not weirdest, but top five for sure.

He could hardly stop himself from saying, “What the actual fuck.”

The ‘alien’ continued as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “I am Rimmy Tim! I’ve come to this planet to test my skills in combat!” As he spoke, he voice turned cocky, and his hair turned from the garish orange and purple to just purple.That was what convenience Ryan that this was real...or at least a very elaborate dream.

“Well you seem to have come to the right place,” He said, lowering his weapon but not putting it away. He didn’t know what it was about this guy, maybe the way he carried himself, or his own curiosity about this maybe alien, but he liked him. But that name, it would just not do. “If you want to hang around you’re gonna need a normal name,” He told him.

“I have prepared for this event,” Proclaimed the man, his hair changing back, “I have chosen the human name Jeremy.” Much better, Ryan nodded to himself. He finally put his gun away in his belt, and turned to leave the alley.

“If you want to test your skills around here, you’re gonna need a crew. I think I have just the place you’d fit in. Come on,” He says. The other seems to brighten up at the idea, hair turning bright summery yellow. Jogging after him, Jeremy kept pace with him all the way back to the penthouse.

When they entered the apartment Ryan called out, “Jack! I found another one!” Cheering could be heard from the lads, while Ryan could only imagine that the other two gents were sighing heavily.

The rest of the evening went strangely, but in all well. Jack was happy, all things considered, to have another odd duck joining their ranks, and took most of the new information in stride. Geoff was having a bit of a existential crisis at the realization that ‘holly fuck aliens are real’. The lads took to the whole situation immediately, Gavin and Michael instantly adopting the seemingly similarly aged otherworldly man into their ranks.

In all Jeremy, who still insisted that his moniker be ‘Rimmy Tim’, adjusted well to life on earth. He still dressed in way to bright orange and purple clothes, and had taken a liking to cowboy hats to hide his changing hair color.

Ryan had grown to find this little oddity about Jeremy quite charming. It made reading the other easy, and Ryan had made mental notes about what some of the colors ment. Purple and orange was the basic color, but it turned a sunny yellow color when he was happy. When it was a dark rusty red he was angry, royal purple when he was feeling cocky, and neon green when he was jealous and envious. He saw it less, but when he was scared his hair turned a gray silvery color, and if he was sad it was a pale blue. Only once had Ryan seen it turn fully black, and he was glad for that, because it turned that color shortly after he had been shot and injured heavily.

The color Ryan liked seeing most thought was pink. It was a bright hot fuchsia color, and Jeremy's hair lit up with it when he was around Ryan often. As far as  he could tell, it meant love, or affection at least. Perhaps even passion, he couldn’t be sure. At first Ryan had felt a little guilty about this pretty obvious crush Jeremy had on him. At first he was convinced that the only reason he had feelings for him was because he had been the first human he had met. But as time went on and the crush seemed to linger, Ryans fears about this seemed to fade away.

His concern now was less about if his returned feeling for the alien would be taking advantage of him, and more of the fact he was an alien. He had no idea what kind of courting customs the other was used to, and he really didn’t want to overstep his bounds or do something that might be considered normal for humans but intensely rude for whatever race Jeremy was. Ryan didn’t even know if Jeremy’s people had a concept similar to ‘dating’.

He had vented his conflicted feelings and anxieties one morning over coffee before any other of the crew was up and awake. The bearded man had listened patiently before bluntly telling him he was a ‘spinless pussy who needed to just go and ask the poor love sick ET out already’. Ryan had taken great offence to this, and had gone as far as not speaking to the other man for the rest of the day, before realizing he was acting like a child and that Jack was in fact right.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, or so Ryan told himself as he stood nervously outside of Jeremy's room a few days later, having finally worked up the nerve to ask the other on a date. It was pretty embarrassing, Ryan thought to himself, The Vagabond, getting all worked up and flustered over a guy. Stealing his nerves, he lifted his hand and knocked on the Jeremy’s door.

Some noise was heard from the other side, and some cursing, a habit the alien had picked up from Michael. He still sometimes used the words in the wrong context, but Ryan thought it was cute personally, watching the man call inanimate objects slut for seemingly benign reasons.

Soon the door opened and Jeremy stood on the other side, and Ryan absolutely did not start to panic internally, forgetting everything he had planned to say. Jeremy’s hair took on a slight pink hue to it as he smile. “What’s up Ryan?” He asked the other brightly, “Do you need something?”

Ryan struggled for a few moments to form words in his head, nerves getting the better of him for a moment before he managed to spit out a sentence that sounded somewhat intelligent and not like half strangled sounds of a dying animal. “Uh hi, yeah. Well I was uh….I was wondering if you wanted to maybe uh…..go out with me some time?” Ryan said, mentally fist pumping because he didn’t stutter, even if he did flounder for words a bit.

Suddenly Jeremy’s cheeks turned a bit pin, his hair turning a darker fuchsia. “L-like a date?” The shorter squeaked out. Ryan wasn’t sure what to make of that reaction, but he had come this far and wasn’t about to wimp out now.

“Yeah,” He said, ashamed of the slight bit of squeak his own voice took on. The other hair began to change color, mixing yellow and pink to make a brilliant sunset effect. Ryan thought it looked amazing, and mentally filed away the information that that could happen in the first place away.

“I’m just saying, maybe we should think about this more?” Jack asked one of her partners, “I mean, we had to pull teeth just to get married. Should we go straight into getting a kid so soon?”

“Jack, I know you mean well, but shut the hell up,” Geoff chuckled, slicing a cucumber and putting it in a pot. “We all agreed that we wanted to adopt a kid. You don’t have to worry, we’ll figure it all out.”

“I just worry, Geoff. What with our... pasts...” She trailed off.

“Hey, we left Los Santos years ago. We’re in an entirely different country; no one from our past is going to come for us. We’re safe.”

“I don’t know, Geoff. There’s just a lot of uncertainty.”

“I swear on my life that things will work out. Have I ever led you astray before?”

“How long do you want to sit here?” Jack joked. Geoff turned and playfully glared at her.

“Watch it, Pattillo. I used to be the leader of the strongest crew in Los Santos.” He smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes back at him.

“And it was me who saved your ass on many occasions.”

“Really? I don’t recall.”

“Do you need me to make a list? I don’t think there’s enough paper in the world for that.”

“Shut up and help me peel these potatoes.”

Jack laughed and walked over to her husband, helping him with dinner.

It had been 5 years since they lived as the Fake AH Crew, 5 years since they faked their own deaths and moved to France. Jack, Geoff, Ryan, Michael, Jeremy, and Gavin all managed to fall in love during their time together, and they wanted out of the gang life so that they could live long, happy lives with each other. Geoff spent years using his connections to get them all legally married, and now they were moving on to the next step: adopting a kid.

“When are Ryan and the lads getting back from the store?” Geoff asked just as the door to their cottage opened. The four men came inside, holding an ungodly amount of bags.

“Sorry we’re late, Jeremy here got sidetracked at a pet store, and We had to stop him from adopting two of the cats.” Ryan chuckled.

“They were so cute! Can you blame me?”

“You know Gav’s allergic to cats, Jer. Wouldn’t have worked out.” Jack laughed, rushing over and grabbing some of the bags and helping to put things away.

“As soon as I find a good sphinx cat, that shit is mine. I’m getting a god damn cat, especially since we’re getting a kid. They gotta have something to play with.”

“Did we decide if we were going to adopt locally or go back to the states?” Michael asked.

“Actually,” Geoff started, “I was thinking that we could go adopt a kid from Los Santos.”

Everyone stared at him in silence, all with varying expressions on their faces. It was Jack who spoke up first.

“Geoff, adopting from Los Santos may be the most dangerous thing we could possibly do. According to almost anyone there, we’re dead.”

“Exactly, which is why we won’t be going as ourselves.” Geoff explained. “I’ve pulled some strings at the orphanage in Los Santos, and we’ll be able to safely go and get our new little one. They don’t know it’s actually us, but I... requested that this be on the down low. Money buys a lot of things, you know.”

“So, we’ll be disguised?” Gavin asked. Geoff nodded.

“Disguised in every sense of the word, other than physically. We won’t be there for more than two days; I figured that would be enough time to find a kid. We’re booked at a hotel about an hour from the city, so don’t worry about that.”

“So when are we leaving?” Jeremy asked.

“Tomorrow morning.”

—

“I have a horrible feeling about this, honey.” Jack muttered into Geoff’s ear as they all piled into a rental car.

“Relax, Jackie. It’s going to be fine. You know where the orphanage is, Haywood?”

“Yep, should be there in about 15 minutes.” Ryan responded. Geoff nodded and grabbed Jacks hand.

“I know you’re worried for our safety, Jack, and I understand. But please know that I took every precaution known to man to ensure that we all leave safely with our new son or daughter. Nothing is going to happen.”

They all sat in silence the rest of the way, all of them praying to every deity known to mankind that Geoff didn’t just jinx them. As they pulled up to the orphanage, Jack immediately recognized the area and harshly slapped Geoff on the arm.

“Geoff! This is like 2 blocks from the penthouse!” She cried out. Jeremy, Michael, Gavin, and Ryan all looked around in alarm. It was true; they could see their old home from where they were parked.

“Listen, it’s fine. Nothing is going to go wrong. Now, let’s all quickly but calmly walk into the orphanage and get our new kid, and then we’re getting the fuck out of here.”

They all did as Geoff said, and rushed into the orphanage. They were decently shocked at who they saw when they walked in.

“Mica?!” Jack yelped, rushing up and giving her a hug.

“Holy shit, you’re back! You’re actually back!” Mica said excitedly, returning the hug.

“Just for a few days at most, Mica.” Geoff clarified. “Also, why do you work at an orphanage?”

“Hey, we gotta make a living somehow since you guys ‘died’.” She stated, putting quotation marks around the died. “Holy shit, Kdin! get in here!” She called out.

“What have I told you about cursing in front of the little ones?” Kdin scolded as she walked into the room. She widened her eyes and ran straight for Jack. “You’re back!”

“Hey, Kdin, how are you?” Jack giggled, hugging her friend tightly. After around 15 minutes of Kdin and Mica asking every possible question known to mankind, Geoff finally got everyone talking about why they were there.

“We want to adopt a kid, and I thought that if we could save even one kid from this shithole, we should.” He explained. Mica clapped happily.

“Of course! Come on in and meet the little ones! Oh, Geoff, theres a little girl that you’ll just love...”

The fakes wondered around the large home, meeting each and every kid they could. Jack, not surprisingly, bonded easily with the little ones. She played with as many as she could as she made her way through the house. Michael and Gavin bonded easily with a specific kid who had an affinity for fighting anyone in his line of sight (Gavin would never admit it, but the kid had a pretty good hit). Ryan and Jeremy stood awkwardly to the side, watching kids run around them. Neither of them really knew what to do. One kid, a little girl, walked up to Jeremy.

“You’re short.” She pointed out. Jeremy grumbled in response. The kid shrugged her shoulders and ran away, chasing after her friend.

Mica led Geoff upstairs to the nursery, where there were three infants, all asleep.

“Their parents left them on our doorstep. Issac and Jamie had notes, but this little one didn’t.” Mica said sadly, bringing Geoff to the small crib. The child was probably only a few weeks old at most, maybe a month, but she looked pretty healthy for her small size.

“What’s her name?”

“Erica.” A voice said from behind them. Geoff turned to see a little boy, around 9 or 10 years old.

“Erica?” Mica asked, perplexed. “How do you know her name is Erica? I’m not even too sure we gave her a name yet...”

“Because that’s what she smiles at when I play with her.” The boy said quietly. Geoff turned and squatted down to get on eye level with the boy.

“Hey, I’m Geoff. What’s you’re name?” He asked, giving the boy a warm smile.

“I’m Sean. Are you gonna adopt Erica? ‘Cause if you are, you gotta know all the things she likes, and I’m the only person who knows what those are.” Sean told him. Geoff sat down on the floor, confusing Mica a bit.

“Well, what does she like?” Geoff asked. Sean looked shocked, like he wasn’t actually expecting to be asked.

Sean told him all the little things that Erica liked, such as toys and funny faces. Mica quickly left the room to get the others so that they all could meet Sean, already seeing a bond forming.

“Wow, you got a huge family. Erica is gonna love it. She loves bein’ with people.” Sean told them with wide eyes as the Fakes all piled into the room. “I’m Sean, by the way. You guys better be nice to Erica, ‘cause she’s the only family I got, ‘ven if we aren’t really brother and sister.”

“What do you like to do, Sean?” Jack asked him kindly. Sean looked taken aback.

“Oh, uh, I really like to draw things. Sometimes Ms. Kdin’ll sneak me some drawin’ stuff so that the other kids won’t mess with it.”

“You like any video games?” Michael asked him.

“I’ve don’t really get to play ‘em myself, but when I was on the streets I’d see some people in the arcade playin different things. One time, someone had a game with a guy in a green dress on it, and I really liked that one.”

“Legend of Zelda?” Michael perked up a bit. Sean nodded.

“Yeah! I wanna play it myself someday, it looked like a lot of fun”

“Hey Sean, why don’t you go get some of your art to show us, hm? I’d love to see it.” Geoff asked. Sean nodded excitedly and ran out to get his drawings. “Alright, so I think Sean and Erica are our kids.”

“Geoff, we’ve been here for 10 minutes-“ Jack started, but Geoff interrupted her.

“I know, but you guys have to have felt the connection. That is the sweetest little boy, and Erica is the sweetest little girl. We can’t take one without the other, because that would just be cruel. I really think Sean and Erica are our kids.”

“I agree.” Michael spoke up. “Sean’s got a fire in him. He’d be perfect for us.”

“I like the kid. I think he likes us, too. I say we go for it.” Jeremy added. Ryan and Gavin nodded in agreement. They all then turned their attention to Jack.

“Well?” Geoff asked, hopeful. It didn’t take long for Jack to respond.

“I guess we have two kids to adopt, then.” She smiled.

“Why don’t some of you take Sean out, get him a burger or something? He doesn’t get to leave here much, and I’m sure he’d love to see some of the city.”

Jack was just about to protest before Ryan spoke up. “I’ll take the kid. No one in this city has ever seen my face and lived to tell the tale, so there’s no way I’ll be recognized.”

“You sure?” Jack asked hesitantly. Ryan nodded in response, and soon found himself holding the kids hand as they walked around the city, looking for something to do.

“Y’know, it’s pretty mean to take me out like this without adopting me.” Sean said as they were walking into an ice cream shop. Ryan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh? How so?” He questioned, curious.

“You’re just gonna give me hope before pickin’ someone else. It’s happened before.” Sean mumbled, walking up to the counter. “What am I allowed to get?”

“Anything you want, kid.” Ryan responded. Sean turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Really? Usually the people who take me out only let me get the borin’ stuff. Thank you Mr. Ryan!” Sean said brightly. Ryan simply smiled as the boy ordered, but his smile soon fell as he heard a familier voice in the shop.

“No, you moron, they’re dead. Of course they aren’t in the city.” Burnie Burn’s voice rang clear as day. Ryan stiffened, but didn’t dare look around.

“I got a sundae!” Sean cheered.

“Nice choice. Why don’t we head on back now? It is starting to get late...” Ryan trailed off, not even waiting to hear a response. He felt bad hearing Sean’s sad groans of protest, but he kept them moving. If someone saw them, they needed to leave. Quickly.

“Ryan, you were gon for like 20 minutes. What’s the problem?” Geoff asked as the two came back inside the building.

“Someone saw us. I heard Burns while we were getting ice cream; he doesn’t believe we’re alive, but someone did see us. We need to leave tonight.” Ryan said quietly, though loud enough so both Mica and Geoff could hear. Mica nodded and immediately turned her attention to Sean.

“Go pack up your things, Sean, you and Erica are going home today.” She smiled at Sean’s wide eyes.

“You... you don’t mean...” He trailed off, looking at Geoff with hopeful eyes, who smiled back at him.

“You’re coming home with us.” She said gently, full of love. Sean all hit squealed as he rushed upstairs to pack, ready to move in with his new family.

After a bit of rushing and hasty goodbyes, the former-fakes found themselves on a plane again, getting the hell away from Los Santos, with two extra passengers.

“I ain’t ever been on a plane before.” Sean said excitedly to Jack, who was sat next to him. “We’re so high up!”

“You really are the perfect kid for us. How’d we get so lucky?” Jack thought out loud, causing Sean to blush. He turned around to look at Jeremy, who had headphones in. Sean snapped to get his attention, and Jeremy looked up.

“So where’re we goin’ anyway?” He asked. Jeremy popped his headphones out.

“France, little guy. The six of us have a nice house on the countryside.”

“France? Where’s that?” Sean asked.

“Europe. It’s across the whole ocean; i’ll be sure to point it out to you once we get to the ocean.” Jeremy smiled and Sean smiled back. He then turned around, announced very loudly that he was going to the bathroom, and walked away as those around him chuckled.

“He really is a good kid.” Geoff murmured, holding Erica close to his chest. She wouldn’t stop crying unless he held her, and he was more than happy to oblige.

“You you think he understands that he has 5 dads and a mom now?” Michael asked.

“Probably not. We an explain it once we get back.” Jack responded.

“What’s he gonna call all of us?” Gavin questioned. Everyone looked at him.

“What?” Ryan said, tilting his head in confusion.

“Well, he’s got 5 dads and a mom. Who’s going to be dad, papa, that shit.”

“I... I honestly never thought of that.” Jack admitted. “I guess I really wouldn’t, since I’m the only mom.”

“Well I’m obviously dad.” Geoff announced.

“Well why do you get to be dad?” Ryan asked, crossing his arms.

“Because I’m the leader! Who else would be dad?”

“I have spent the most time with him so far...” Ryan mumbled.

“I connected with him by talkin’ about video games.” Michael pointed out.

The five of them quietly argued about that for a few minutes before they saw Sean returning. They didn’t want to have that conversation with him before returning home, so they all shut up about it.

Sean was more than excited to see the ocean, and then a whole new continent while he was on the plane. The 6 of them soon found themselves back in familier territory, and we’re more than happy to show it off to Sean and Erica.

“Welcome to your new home, little ones!” Jeremy cheered, swinging the door to their cottage open.

“Woah.” Sean said quietly, his eyes full of awe.

“You like it, little guy?” Ryan asked, ruffling his hair. Sean nodded.

“I do! It’s so big! Can I see my room?”

“Sure can! Michael, why don’t you and Gav show him his new room while we all make dinner?” Geoff asked. Michael nodded, and he and Gavin both picked up Sean, the three of them giggling wildly as the sprinted upstairs.

“He really is going to fit in here, isn’t he?” Ryan chuckled, bringing in the last of the bags.

“If he isn’t too weirded out by having 6 parents, he will.” Jack said nervously.

“Jackie, it’ll be okay. He’s a good kid. He’ll understand. Now, let’s make some lasagne; Mica said that’s his favorite.”

Meanwhile, Sean was ecstatic to find that his room was full of different video game things, all centered around The Legend if Zelda. There were Zelda posters, a Link bedset, and the walls were painted a nice green.

“How’d you manage to pull this off?!” Sean squealed in delight.

“We made some calls before leaving and had this all done before we arrived. You like it?” Gavin asked, smiled at the small kid.

“I love it! This is so cool!”

“Oh, just you wait, Seanie Boy. Let’s go to the best room in the whole house.” Michael smirked as he sprinted out of the room, hearing Sean and Gavin laugh as they chased after him. He came to a sudden stop, and Sean barreled into his legs at full speed, causing him to fall.

“Oh, sorry, Mikey!” Sean giggled. Michael felt his heart warm at the name.

“This,” Michael started as he got up, “is the game room.” He opened the door, and Sean’s mouth dropped.

“It’s like an arcade in here!” He squealed in delight.

“Once we finish dinner and everything, we can come play some games. You can start playing Legend of Zelda.” Michael told him.

“Are you two gonna play with me?” Sean asked. “I really want you guys to play with me, you’re fun!”

“Of course, we’d love to.” Gavin answered, smiling. Michael nodded in agreement.

The three of them hung out for awhile before dinner was ready. After they all ate, the 8 of them sat down in the living room.

“Okay, Sean, we need to talk to you about something.” Jack started.

“You wanted to tell me about how the 6 of you are dating or married or something and that you’re all my parents?” Sean stated bluntly. Jack nearly fell off of the couch.

“How’d you know?” She squeaked.

“You guys are really loud; I heard ya all the way from the bathroom on the plane! You got quieter after a bit, but I get that you guys are all my parents. I think it’s cool! I went from no parents to 6. How many people get that lucky?”

“Did you also hear us... arguing...” Geoff trailed off, and Sean rolled his eyes.

“About what to call you guys? Yeah, and you guys really overthink things, you know that? I already know what to call all of you, if you’ll let me...” He trailed off.

“You can call us whatever you’d like. It can be a variation on dad, or it can be our names. Whatever is most comfortable for you.” Geoff said quickly.

“Well, Jack’s either momma or Jackie, because both fit her really well.” Sean started, causing Jack to blush. “Michael’s Mikey, Gavin’s Gavvy, and Jeremy is JJ. Ryan, you’re papa, and Geoff, you’re dad.” Sean finished. “It just feels the most natural.”

“Oh come here, you little rascal!” Geoff said happily, picking up Sean and spinning him around as they both laughed. “I’m dad! I’m dad!”

“Mikey is the best name, I coulda never thought of that.” Michael smiled.

“Gavvy is so cute!” Gavin told him.

“So’s JJ.” Jeremy added.

Sean let out a big yawn as they continued talked, signaling his jet lag.

“Ready for bed, Sean?” Jack asked gently. Sean simply nodded in response, his eyes closed and already falling asleep. She picked him up and took him to his room, tucking him in to bed and planting a light kiss on his forehead.

“Goodnight, Sean. We’ll see you in e morning.” She said quietly.

“Goodnight, Jackie. Thank you for bringing me and Erica into the bestest family in the entire world. I think things are gonna be really great from now on.”