#boris talks

jesus christ this is a loaded question uuhhhh well. first of all. when i first drew ellen after reading the story and watching her playthrough. my immediate thought was "shes the nicest, i like her the most" and " i feel so bad for her " which. is generally the most you can get out of someone these days when talking about ellen. but because my stupid autistic ( not in a derogatory sense, i am autistic ) ass couldnt just fit in and leave it at "poor ellen!!" my brain latched onto her. and then i realized, shes the only character ( in the game ) that they didnt go out of their way to make an even more terrible person. which made her unique from the others. i found that interesting. and then i started noticing all the holes in her character. at least in the game. picking out, plucking away and putting my criticism of her treatment in the game, especially with how they handled her assault story, really kind of. made me attach to her? because, while i did find a lot that i thought was rather unnecessary.

i found it much more fun for me to explore the obscure bits of her character and flesh them out more. which made my attachment to her even stronger. and after finding out about the manual, i found more aspects of her character that i resonated with. its hard for me to explain, but ill put it in bullet points.

im black myself, and even within the flaws of harlan ellison trying to make ,, SOME kind of statement back them with her character as a black woman. i think that aspect of her ( growing up in "the ghetto", having to deal with racism even as a little girl, having nobody to attach to in the end except for the people who dont even view you as a person outside of your body and skin color. ) made her more. relatable to me.

her sexual assault story was something i latched onto, finding solace in a character who also struggles with attachment due to sexual trauma. and i found it cathartic to be able to project my hypersexuality onto a character who i view as,, kind of in the same pit as me

she struggles with her arrogance, ego, being blunt and often times being rude or offensive without meaning to be. and even sometimes with the intention of doing so without realizing the level of what you're saying. and struggling with social connection in general despite being labeled as one of "the best friends a person could have" which i also resonated with, as an autistic person.

lesbianism. not even gonna sugarcoat it here i want this woman BAD. i dont know man something in my brain saw this older woman with emotional attachment issues who would definitely not treat me the best and began nesting and laying an alien parasite between the slimy spots of grey matter that grew into a monstrous beast that would take over my body and force me to draw her putting cigarettes down peoples throats. I NEED IT. I NEED IT IMA EAT IT AHHHHH. i also just think shes really pretty, thats my wife we are married and she loves me and not you she loves ME.

I DONT KNOWW. I DONT KNOW MAN, THE AUTISM JUST LET HER CHOKE ME WITH THE CREVICE OF HER ELBOW AND IM STILL HERE MAN. I CANT BREATHE MAN.