#boring test posts

-happiness isn’t a destination. you’re not supposed to be happy all the time, you’re not supposed to be anything all the time. the good times will come and go, then come and go and come again...etc.

-don’t be so worried about “who you are”, you are you already, and will continue to be you with or without labels, it is more important to pay attention to your genuine reactions and responses and follow your actual feelings, wants and needs. it is okay if these things change or contradict each other. the less you cling to any one idea of a self, the more authentically “you” you will actually be.

-do not be afraid of pain and suffering, when you experience it, feel it fully and examine it completely, dissect your pain, understand what it is and where it comes from. you are always stronger than your pain, and only by fully understanding it can you transcend it.

-realize that we are all one thing, we are all cells in the same big organism. the societies and laws and rules we build together are fake, but the need for connection behind them are very real. prioritize genuine human connection over fulfilling social norms, but also understand that the fulfillment of social norms is how many people seek to connect with others, and do not fault them for it, there are many different ways we express our need for each other, but they all come from the same place.

-The only thing you ever have any control over in life is your own reactions, even then only nominally. so when you have the option, try to chose understanding, empathy, passion and growth, over apathy, fear, stubbornness and judgement.

-others opinion of you reflects more on them than it does on you. And vice versa. If you hate someone, it tells you more about yourself than about that person. How you feel about others is one of the most valuable reflections of yourself you can have, so pay close attention to how the people around you make you feel. 

-human beings are storytellers by nature, and we naturally try to make life conform to a narrative that makes sense and is justified. However, the universe is not a storyteller, it is chaos, and it doesn’t care about your narrative. Realize that the story of your human life, your connections with others, your family, your community, your society...these are all stories you are telling yourself, an elaborate game of make-believe you and everyone you know are agreeing to play together, full of plot holes and mutable rules. Do not fall into the trap of believing it is real and infallible, or worse, already written, or you will fall into despair when chaos disrupts it, much like a child being dragged from their game of make believe to do chores....The story isn’t real, but it is beautiful, and necessary. allow yourself to enjoy being part of that collaborative effort at carving meaning from madness, while also understanding it for the myth that it is.

-not all connections need to be on the deepest, most soul searching level to be valuable. having a friend you can spill dark secrets to is lovely, but appreciate the connection in daily interactions with strangers, too. the people walking the same sidewalks as you, driving the same roads. make an effort to notice those around you, and appreciate that you are the same as them, full of little eccentricities and cravings and annoyances and fears and hopes and humor.....it is very difficult to feel lonely when you hold a deep love for the entirety of the human condition.

-ask for help if you need it and take help when it’s offered, but if no one is answering, ask yourself for help. ask yourself what you need, not just what you want but what you really need, and give it to yourself. cultivate such a connection to yourself, such an automatic understanding of your feelings and responses, that you can use your need for connection with others, without letting it use you simply to fill a void. the void will always be there, even with a hundred close friends. You will never be satisfied, you are infinite, something beyond a single self. you can love and live and connect with the world in so many infinite, meaningful ways, even when all alone.

-you are not running out of time to fulfill your destiny or leave a legacy. that is a story, and the universe doesn’t work like that. you get the time you get, and as long as you are paying attention and cultivating love in your heart, you will have no regrets. 

-despite everything everyone has ever written on finding inner peace, it is not a destination, you cannot stay there. discontentment is a natural state of being. If you want to spend time contentedly, these tools will help make that choice easier, but you are not under any obligation to be contented. be angry, be messy, be wild, be driven, be whatever you want, whenever you are able. 

Cole is an extremely important and personal character to me and when I call him my son or my child it is out of respect and love. Cole is brave, blunt, generous, open, vulnerable, sensitive and honest in ways that are like a child, and that's not a bad or negative thing, I am using him to come to terms with my own responses to the world, and his character has helped me be more ok with myself.

As someone who is neurodivergent myself i understand where everyone's coming from but I don't think of him as a baby in that he is helpless or foolish, I see him as a mirror of all the sensitivities and confusion I see in myself and I instinctively want to protect and empower him. 

I understand whats wrong with calling him a baby and I've stopped, but no matter how old someone gets they are still a child, I am still my parent's child. If people want to unfollow me or hate on me for that go ahead, but I want you to know that in your efforts to control the way I refer to a fictional character I love and relate to, you are literally quite honestly causing a real live actual human being with mental and emotional health problems to experience panic attacks. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm trying to empower myself, if Cole was real I think he'd want that...