#boredinterview

H: so first question, did you dream about anything last night?

M: yes! I was just telling Audrey. I fuckin dreamt that our front door wouldn’t stay locked. and you guys had like put a bunch of decorations on it, like wreaths and stuff like the things that hang over the door and it holds up—

H: on the outside of the door?

M: yeah, but then you had one that was like also facing inside and there was like something on the corner of the door, you were just being really festive.

H: cool

M: and I noticed that the door was open and I was like that’s not good and so I tried to lock it but the lock like wasn’t working like it was bent or something and it kept sliding out of the lock hole and like the door kept opening inward so I was like trying to put weights and stuff in front of it but it wouldn’t stay shut so I took all the wreaths and all the decorations that you guys worked really hard on off the door and then I was still trying to like barricade it but it wouldn’t stay closed. It was very scary.

H: yeah that’s understandable that you had to take the wreaths off. what do you think it means?

M: um. locks. They’re hard to reckon with.

H: they are. Tell me a secret.

M: Harris. I don’t think I have any secrets from you. and then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. let me think.

H: we can come back to this one.

M: yeah, let me think.

H: what brings you joy lately?

M: sitting on the porch, and when you guys bring me coffee in the morning so I don’t have to get up.

H: cool. Do you have fun at waterparks?

M: not really.

H: same.

M: they seem really unsanitary. I’m self-conscious and there’s like a lot of kids so I spend most of the time being like you’re gonna hit your head.

H: well my brother actually did hit his head at a water park.

M: great.

H: yep.

what’s your biggest pet peeve?

M: people with bad breath. or people that talk on phones in rooms full of other people. like when they don’t excuse themselves to talk on the phone. Get outta here. Unless it’s like a facetime call with someone I know.

H: when you’re a part of it.

M: yeah, like when Landon called. that was fine.

H: what do you miss?

M: Target. and cooking a big pot of soup for the homies.

H: oh my god yeah I would love to go to target.

M: these socks are from target.

H: nice.

what do you not miss?

M: work. well… yeah, work. I kind of miss making coffee but I don’t miss work?

H: like dealing with the customers?

M: well not even really the customers. like management. I don’t miss talking to my manager. and I don’t miss getting on slack and like food planning for the day.

H: oh yeah cause you had to meal prep.

M: yeah.

H: now it’s like fuck it. just eat all day.

M: chips for lunch. yeah.

H: um, describe your concept of god.

Audrey Patterson: these are good Harris.

M: yeah these are great questions. ummm I don’t think like a god exists. the concept of god?

H: the question is like. like I don’t believe in god for the record but.

M: well I was raised Christian so my idea of god is like… a dude who is just shitty at his job but he like started the company so no one can fire him but if god is real then I don’t like him.

H: right that’s the thing. I’m so confused by people that can go along with it.

M: yeah I don’t get it. like for a guy with so much oversight he’s really bad at making his instructions clear which is like kind of a big deal if you’re like in charge, so. (tongue click)

H: yeah I feel like if god was like a person who you encountered in the real world like what do you think he’d be wearing?

M: I don’t think I would like him. I think he would be like kind of polite and like he’d be one of those skeevy guys whose like got perfect teeth. and wear sperrys.

H: he’d be wearing khakis.

M: I wouldn’t know that he was god but I’d know I didn’t like him.

H: for sure. um, are you thinking about anything right now?

M: um, there’s a lot of lint on my pants, hahaha. I’m trying to pick it all off and there’s too much.

H: that’s just how it is sometimes.

M: they’re made of velvet.

H: I love lint—

M: great. (laughs)

H: (laughing) when you pull it out of the dryer!

M: yeah, I like that.

H: It’s like an object you know?

M: These just get linty so fast and it makes them look frumpy.

H: Yeah. there’s like fluff coming out of this pillow right here.

M: yeah I don’t like that fluff.

H: It’s a very weird kind of fluff.

M: It’s like housing insulation.

H: yeah.. so what’s something you realized lately?

M: this is the year of realizing things.

H: is that it? is that what you realized?

M: Ummmmm. UHHHH. I can’t think of any big ones so yeah.

H: okay. we should probably be almost done here.

M: damn. short ass interview.

H: I know. ummmm.. when is the last time you felt something?

M: (laughing) I don’t know….

H: it’s a fucked up question.

M: uhhhh oh when I found out that Melba was gonna move to my animal crossing town.

H: yayyyyy!!!

M: I was so excited, she’s like an old friend.

H: yeah! do you wanna just say a few words about animal crossing?

M: sure. um, animal crossing is great. I really like it cause it makes me look forward to each day. (laughing)

H: (laughing) yeah.

M: it has me like, excited to get up in the morning.

H: I can put your friend code with the interview.

M: yes!

H: um, okay. What are you nostalgic for?

M: like in general life or like, pre covid?

H: just whatever.

M: mmmmm…. this is kind of depressing but I really miss not being scared to leave the house. Not like because of covid but like when I moved here Id be like I can go on a walk wherever and like so many dumb things have happened to me downtown that I’m like I’ve gotta have my knife, I’ve gotta have clothes I’m ready to run in, I’ve gotta have fucking all kinds of shit.

H: yeah.

M: I’ve gotta be on guard.

H: yeah.

M: which is kinda stupid.

H: yeah.

M: (sigh) I still can’t think of a secret. That I’m willing to tell everybody in the world.

H: do you have something that I already know that my Instagram followers might not?

Audrey from the kitchen: whenever I think of secrets I think of like—I mean I’m just reflecting a lot—so I keep thinking of things that happened in my childhood that like, perhaps I didn’t tell anyone at the time and then I never talked about it ever again.

H: yeah.

A: like, I’ve considered that a secret.

M: yeah… oh! when I was little I got curious about 50 shades of grey but I didn’t wanna buy the book so I read like the first few chapters on an e-book and it was really bad.

H: how old were we when that came out?

M: I don’t know, I was in high school I think so I wasn’t little but I was.. young.

H: yeah.

M: and then I read uh, perks of being a wallflower instead. (Laughs)

H: nice. yeah I always kind of like was curious about 50 shades of grey.

M: It’s not good.

H: right, that I knew.

M: very poorly written. I figured it would be like kind of horny, but it’s so bad that it’s not—

H: it crushes it?

M: it crushes any semblance of like sexual attraction. It’s just bad.

H: okay, um to end I’m gonna ask you a series of one word questions and you can answer them however you feel is right.

hungry?

M: mmmmm… kind of.

H: shoes?

M: breaking em in.

H: dirty?

M: all of my clothes.

H: listening?

M: yes.

H: feeling?

M: ugh. bad.

H: wanting?

M: more snacks.

H: thinking?

H: what’s up?

C: not much, I just finished listening to the new Fiona Apple album all the way through.

H: how is it?

C: it’s so fucking good. it’s so fucking good! I love Fiona Apple but I’m actually like speechless about how good it is.

H: I’m going to listen to it later today.

C: I think you’ll like it.

H: yeah, I really like her music. tell me about your bedroom.

C: it’s pretty simple, it has two windows which is pretty nice. this is the most well lit room I’ve ever lived in. I haven’t really lived anywhere with windows before so it’s kind of wild.

H: yeah! you used to live in an almost windowless apartment pretty much.

C: yeah, both basements and attics. (laughing) it’s very minimal, I don’t have a ton of decorations or anything. just a bunch of little small things hanging. it’s comfortable, I like it.

H: what is your favorite object that you can see right now?

C: I would say probably this little plastic figurine—it’s like a mcdonalds toy—of Madonna from the Dick Tracy movie. I found her in yellow springs literally on a fucking sidewalk and was just like “oh! this is mine now.” she’s really comforting and it’s funny how you can tell it’s Madonna but also it looks nothing like Madonna.

H: it really doesn’t look like her, but it does. but it doesn’t.

C: yeah. I really only know that it’s Madonna because it’s labeled on the bottom as “Madonna Dick Tracy”.

H: it has Marilyn Monroe vibes too.

C: yeah, exactly.

H: how do you feel about your shoes at this point in time?

C: they haven’t been getting much use (laughing) they’re kind of just chilling out over there. I miss them. I miss them but you know, they get their daily mandated walk—

H: that’s good!

C: —but otherwise they’re just kind of chill.

H: awesome. can you give me some bad advice?

C: go back to work on May first! that’s being talked about right now, I think that’s a big one.

H: that is some pretty bad advice.

C: yeah. I saw the news last night and yeah I was just like … huh. don’t know about that.

H: it’s wild that there are people protesting to open the state back up. bonkers!

C: to die for you know—

H: capitalism!

C: —yeah to work at fucking amazon man. fuck!

H: truly bonkers. (laughing) next question, what was the last thing you ate and what emotion do you associate with that food?

C: I ate a piece of naan with cheese melted on top of it and chopped up veggie sausage so kind of like a flatbread.

H: nice.

C: I’ve been eating that type of meal pretty consistently for most of my life, you know? so it’s super cheap and simple and I need to go to the grocery store. I guess an emotion I associate with it would be calm. it’s calming to make.

H: comfort for sure. tell me something surprising.

C: oh! I dusted my room and I scrubbed out my tea mug so literally things I’ve been thinking about since you know, the before times. I think that’s pretty surprising.

H: hell yeah.

C: at least to me. I don’t know if it’s surprising to you but it’s surprising to me.

H: I… am not surprised by that.

C: (laughing) I’ll have to try harder at some other point then!

H: (laughing) so what do you miss?

C: I miss you.

H: aw, I miss you too!

C: I miss you a lot, I miss seeing people when I’m out taking a walk and not mentally assessing whether or not I should cross the street, use my shirt to completely cover my mouth, all that. just assessing the situation entirely and it’s one of those things where you can’t really judge it by just looking at someone.

H: I have the same feeling. I hate the way that this has made my relationship with just encountering literally anyone. I don’t know.

C: I miss seeing people that I’m not necessarily—we’re obviously really close and we’ve facetimed a few times and I still call some of my friends and stuff like that but I miss seeing the people that I care for but we aren’t necessarily on the level of comfort to facetime.

H: I feel that definitely. there’s a lot of people I’m thinking about but aren’t talking to them as regularly as I would have seen them. like my coworkers. just people you see often and you miss that daily connection.

C: yeah, everything. everything!

H: what do you not miss?

C: I don’t miss feeling like I have to be doing something. like I have to be at my most productive or that I have to be somewhere. that’s good, I’m not working right now which is obviously good, I feel very grateful that I’m not working right now. even though I enjoy my job a lot, it’s been nice to not have to, you know.

H: it’s definitely such a privilege to be able to protect yourself in that way right now.

C: right. it is, I’m very privileged in that and grateful I’m in the position that I’m in.

H: totally. what is your definition of time?

C: fuck! (laughing) wow. (Madison walking by in the background of the call) Hi Madison! I love you Madison!

M: I love you cleo! I miss you!

C: okay, time was longer there, you know? time was longer in that second, I think it’s very elastic. It’s very elastic, particularly right now but even in a small sense the first two hours of my day feel like they last forever in a good way. that’s the most relaxed and happy part of my day at any given time, you know?

H: yeah, savory.

C: yeah but even then that couple seconds just now lasted a long time.

H: it did. I was excited to hear your answer to that one. I feel like my relationship to time has changed a lot since this has been going on.

C: yeah it feels like it’s both moving slow as hell and really quickly at the same time.

H: I agree. yeah. tell me a secret.

C: I don’t think I really have any secrets that you wouldn’t already know, I have to be honest. I really don’t think there are any secrets I have that you don’t know. come back to me on that one, one might pop.

H: tell me a lie.

C: I’ve been getting a good amount of sleep.

H: (laughing) that’s a lie!

C: it’s a lie, it’s a good one.

H: alright, tell me something true.

C: simplistically, I love you.

H: aw. I love you!

C: that’s a true one. I feel immense—just pure emotion with everyone I know right now.

H: yeah. I feel you, I have so much care to give for everyone I love right now.

C: yeah, yeah.

H: I love you.

C: thank you.

H: if your life were a play, who would you want to write it?

C: Sam Shepard.

H: nice, that’s cool.

C: cause like you wouldn’t want—like my favorite play writes are like the Greeks and Tennessee Williams and shit but that wouldn’t end well.

H: it doesn’t seem appropriate.

C: I wouldn’t want Sophocles writing the play of my life cause—

H: it wouldn’t go well.

C: tragic. yeah.

H: Sam Shepard is a good one. he lived on a farm in Kentucky, my mom has met him.

C: yeah you’ve told me that! I’m very envious of that. reading Sam Shepard’s plays as a teenager definitely changed large parts of my life.

H: do you have a specific one to recommend?

C: Buried Child is my favorite one. it’s a sad one but it’s a good one.

H: title sounds sad for sure.

C: yeah.

H: what’s the first good song that comes to mind?

C: Talking Heads, This Must Be The Place. it’s a perfect song for literally always.

H: yeah that one is so euphoric.

C: it reads really well too if you look at the lyrics. it forms in my head in a way that, I don’t know. it’s special.

H: I agree. what helps?

C: routine. literally always. I feel that way even before all this. I feel like I wouldn’t really know what to do without being able to maintain a routine, or create a new routine as situations dictate.

H: yeah my routine has definitely changed but I still have one. I developed a new one.

C: yeah! I wake up, make tea, make breakfast, you know. read a little bit. (Audrey walks across the screen) Audrey! hi!

A: Hi Cleo! how are you?

C: Audrey I love you too!

A: I love you!

H: what were you saying, you’re routine.

C: yep, wake up, make breakfast, take my tit medicine. read. it’s pretty much always that. feed Ianthe, make sure she has water. she’s pissed at me right now cause I kicked her off my lap but—

H: she’ll get over it.

C: she will. she’ll be over it in five minutes.

H: she needs time to brood.

C: yeah, you know, she’s a fickle little bitch but she’ll get over it.

H: now I’m going to ask you some one word questions. respond to them however you see fit.

wanting?

C: wanting people.

H: growing?

C: I’m sure. I’m sure.

H: giving?

C: necessary.

H: becoming?

C: I don’t know. unknown!

H: totally.

hair?

C: shaggy.

H: why?