#bonvievant

there  had  been  an  undeniable  chill  traveling  along  the  wind  from  the  south.    the  eye  of  king's  landing  upon  the  vale,    affixed  with  an  unwavering  intensity.    the  shifting  weather  only  speaking  to  those  keen  enough  to  hear  the  message.    even  forgoing  use  of  her  magic,    once  again  a  blessing  upon  her,    illyana  could  sense  that  a  new  hand  had  suddenly  gripped  the  threads  of  her  fate.    a  tension  she  held  high  in  her  shoulders  as  her  sons  took  their  lessons  nearby.    aerys  was  content  in  his  studies,    though  maekar  would  be  clamoring  to  get  outside  soon  enough.    she  rests  her  hand  along  the  swell  of  her  stomach,    another  strong  little  dragon,    a  boy  she  was  certain  despite  her  hopes  for  a  girl.    the  little  one  was  having  a  restless  day,    a  stormy  mood  to  mirror  mother's,    in  need  of  constant  soothing.  

the  hall's  grand  doors  open  quickly,    drawing  illyana's  attention  toward  her  prince's  expected  and  welcome  return.  a  reassuring  sight  that  has  her  taking  a  breath  she  hadn't  realized  she  was  holding.    relieved  to  see  him  after  too  long  in  his  absence.    any  worry  or  concern  is  smothered  from  her  eyes  at  his  approach,    a  smile  offered  his  direction  as  he  is  waylaid  by  two  boys  very  excited  to  see  their  father.    it  would  be  a  perfect  moment  if  not  for  the  weight  of  knowing  in  her  bones,    something  was  coming  for  them,    and  she  couldn't  hope  to  protect  them  in  her  state.    though  the  time  would  be  close  at  hand  when  she'd  have  her  defenses  restored.    there  was  no  telling  if  it  would  be  in  time.  

the  forest  encroached  upon  the  clearing  like  gnarled  fingers  clawing  overhead,    the  malleable  wood  creaking  against  the  wind.    the  full  moon  hung  low  to  the  back  of  the  prince,    casting  him  in  silhouette  and  shadow,    but  she  could  still  see  that  he  looked  her  over  with  intent.    as  if  he  had  summoned  her  there  and  not  the  other  way  around.    for  it  was  the  worm  of  rumor  crawling  in  his  ear  that  beckoned  him.    aided  in  finding  the  correct  path  by  his  men  as  they  crawled  back  to  their  master  to  beg  forgiveness  for  their  failure.    it  was  their  voices  that  offered  wind  beneath  dragon  wing,    bringing  royal  judgment  to  bear  against  her  just  as  she  had  planned.  

a meme but which meme i do not remember  ||  accepting  ➜  @bonvievant

If he’d been struggling for several days in a row with this particular letter it was not a necessary sidenote which Jason would need to be privy too.  Matter of fact Jake would prefer it if Jason remained unaware of it completely, but that made it no less true. For about four days had he been trying to put words together in a letter. A neat thing with handwritten pages. All straight lines and preferably no mistakes as far as spelling went, which was why it was taking him more time than usual to write, not that he was fast to begin with.

The struggle wasn’t coming up with words. As a matter of fact, Jake had a rather impressive vocabulary. The problem was indeed just with getting the words spelled right. He’d spent several hours with google in front of himself to find just how certain words were spelled. No doubt he still got them wrong anyway, but the effort was made. He’d almost quit several times, actually. Thrown in the towel and just gone for digital. At least then it’d make sense and Jason would know what was being written, but that wasn’t as personal – and this felt personal.

Time had completely run away from him. Time didn’t even matter – it didn’t seem to be a thing in their relationship anyway, so why would it in this situation? Music filled most of the small house, spilled out through the open door which let in the warm breeze from the ocean. Mingled the lulling sound of the ocean into loud tunes of Backstreet Boys.

Sue him. He likes the songs.

If hours had passed jake was completely unaware. He’d been bent over the pages since he’d finished breakfast – alone ( thank you Jason for insisting on not waking him up ). Determined to finish to he could have it ready for Jason come the next morning. Because if the man insisted on not waking him up, then he damn well would make sure at least a part of him was there for him.

The plan was great. Flawless in fact. He’d finish the letter, fold it up after signing it. And make sure to leave it where Jason was too short to reach, or better yet see. The cupboard above the fridge was perfect for this, and then he could simply take it out and leave it on the kitchen counter before they went to bed. Easy. Perfect.

Yet the whole plan seemed to shatter when a throat was cleared just over Jake’s shoulder. Jerking back to reality with wide yes, Jake ended up only about an inch away from Jason’s face when he’d turned around. An obvious blush spread, creeping up over his neck. As both his hand tried to cover up most of the pages on the table. If they got a little crumpled, he honestly didn’t notice. His focus was completely on Jason, swallowed by the complete vision he was in Jake’s opinion.  Every time he saw him it felt like his heart stumbled over a beat. Had his breathing catch slightly.

A silly smile took over as he lost himself in Jason’s eyes. Happy to drown in them even as Jason reached for him. The warm touch cupping his cheek felt like both comfort and electricity all at once, and Jake felt himself leaning into it more by the second. “Hi.” If he sounded breathless it was nothing Jason commented on.

“Watcha got there, flyboy?”

Dimples showed as Jake’s smile simply grew bigger, impossible to rein in even if he tried. The tip of his tongue stayed trapped between his teeth for a moment, as if holding back while he made up his mind. He still had a few lines left before the letter was finished, and he was fairly sure Jason had read at least some of it without him noticing.

“… A love letter,” the admittance came with an almost shy grin taking over the wide smile. Turning his head, he managed to instead place a kiss on Jason’s wrist. Hoping to get a moment without talking, and just gather himself.

All he got was a prompting hum to continue.

“But I’m not done, and words are hard.” Looking back to Jason he got a nod, and Jake could swear he could see the same love he felt reflected back. “… will you help me?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Scooting the chair back just enough, Jake didn’t need to prompt much before having his lap full. Arms easily wrapped around Jason’s waist, holding him so very close while the pen and paper were left abandoned on top of the table.

With his chin resting against Jason’s shoulder, it was impossible for him to look away even for a moment. Eyes trailed over Jason’s profile as the other slowly moved the papers, skimming them bit by bit or reading them more closely, Jake couldn’t tell – he’d never been a fast reader. Instead, he paid attention to the minute details of Jason’s features. How his forehead creased slightly when he more than likely struggled with a word Jake had gotten wrong, but eventually figured out.

One page after another, turning over to read the backs as well. Jason made it to the bottom of the last page, the unfinished letter waiting to be finished much like Jake waited with abated breath. The butterflies never seemed to want to let go. Never dissipated or eased up. They remained ever faithful to their task of keeping Jake nervous around the man he was lucky to call his fiancé. It seemed, if anything. Like they were taking their task to fill his whole body, and not just the pit of his stomach. His whole body felt like it buzzed with the anticipation. Yet he remained perfectly still. Eyes glued to Jason’s face. A small hum preceded the smile which finally turned back to look at Jake where he sat. Feeling both exposed and giddy.

“You sure have a way with words, Flyboy.”

“By butchering them you mean?” Jake was quick to supply only to get a small laugh. His own head mirrored the shake of Jason’s head as he cupped Jake’s face. Lips easily fitting together in a kiss, which soothed the flutter of the many butterflies. Had them melt away while Jake melted into the touch of his Fiancé.

Silence filled the kitchen as they stayed like that. Drowning in each other while simultaneously being each other’s lifeline in the best of ways. The ways that had time melt away and not matter. With a soft laugh bubbling out shared between them, foreheads resting together. Jake really felt like there was some truth behind the words being sung on the speakers.

As long as you love me.

❛  is the night going the way you hoped it would?  ❜

a meme but which meme i do not remember  ||  accepting  ➜  @bonvievant  

It really was fascinating how pain could both slow down and speed up time, was the thought that passed through Jake’s head just as he felt the ax lodge itself in his knee. It was beyond dumb. Truly in every shape of the word dumb. He knew how to shop wood! Jesus Christ he had lived on a farm, he knew how to handle an axe and how to shop wood no matter how the current situation looked. It was simply a freak accident he couldn’t explain. Momentum had been too much to stop and once it did stop he knew exactly where. His own damn knee. 

Come to Oregon, he said. It will be fun, he said. It will be peaceful and calm, he said. In Jason’s defense the week so far had in fact been perfectly amazing and living up to every promise, and some. The fact that the house they stayed in sometimes required a bit work to be stayed in was literally a bonus in Jake’s opinion. It gave him things to do, which gave him structure. He loved structure. 

He did not, however. like having an axe in his knee.

After staring at the damn thing for a solid minute without making a sound he finally let out a yell that echoed between the trees, no doubt sent birds flying, and it sent Jason running out of the house to see what was going on. One of Jake’s hand still held to axe, now dating to let it have more of it’s own weight, but also knowing better than to movie it. He barely heard Jason asking what was going on, as he saw him coming into his line of vision. He did however hear him when Jason inhaled a sharp breath and no doubt saw what had indeed happened.

❛  okay, okay okay okay. it’s gonna be okay.   ❜

Every time he looked at Jason he felt more and more certain of the thought. It had landed just a few days ago, and it stubbornly refused to give room for much else. Kept echoing louder and louder, begging him to act on it. Jake frankly knew better than to do just that. Could hear Javy’s tone telling him to think more than twice about it ( he had thought about maybe five times if not more already ), could picture Penny’s face if he talked to her about it, could just as easily imagine the outrage of his family if they knew he even had the thought. Yet the thought remained. Persisted. 

Even with a day as busy as this one; filled with planning and prepping and cooking, and frankly all of it being fun things… The thought kept loudly reminding him that it wasn’t a bad idea at all. In fact it was a fantastic idea. 

Naturally he didn’t have a ring, not many good things to make one out of. What did have was the paracord bracelet and kitchen knives. Unwrapping a part of the cord he could easily cut it off and with a knot there was undoubtedly a ring. Not the most classy or most expensive one, but it was a ring all the same. The fact that Goose had observed him the whole time, and not said a word was something to dwell on at a later time, because the sound of Jason’s car stole the whole of Jake’s attention in a heartbeat.

Dropping everything ( except the newly made ring ) Jake literally ran across the beach, meeting Jason before the man even put his feet on the sand. Arms wrapped around him so tightly to really feel him being there, while his smile was as bright as the sun. For the longest of moments the hug lasted, letting them have a piece of the day to themselves even in the company of his squad. 

Leaning back Jake moved his hands to cup Jason’s face, allowing him even better access to cover the whole of his face with kisses, aiming to make the other laugh and only actually kissing him once the laughter could be heard.

If he doesn’t think about it Jake can almost make sense of the weekend. If he breaks it down to numbers he can almost make it to a clear headspace. He remembers the time they boarded the transport. He remembers the amount of seats that were filled and the amount which were empty. The time he stepped out onto the flight deck when they landed. The amount of jets on the flight deck. The amount of bunks in their dorm. The amount of hours spent awake, unable to sleep. The time for the briefing. The amount selected for the mission. The amount of minutes spent hoping the world would stop and go black, maybe even rewind. The amount of call outs on the coms. The amount of daggers hit by enemy fire. The amount of times he requested launch. The amount of times he was denied launch. The number of people he pulled rank on to launch anyway. 

He will remember the fear in his own voice to the day he dies as he demanded launch from the poor souls surrounding his jet. “Do you want them alive or dead? Launch me!”  His voice had been breaking even without the sheer volume added to it. It must have been the fastest launch he’d ever experienced, what with literally working against the clock. The stress was still bone deep by the time the enemy aircraft was in pieces. His voice carried so much better this time when he spoke, sas covering up every single crack in the shiny armour. 

Breaking chain of command may not have been his finest moment, but it certainly helped lead up to what could very well be the best moment of his life; Seeing the old f-14 safe and sound even after a net catch. Whatever aftermath came of that he was more than ready to take, happily so. Because at least they were alive. They could yell at him all they liked, but at least they could do it.

The numb feeling of adrenaline leaving his system had him completely void of feelings as he climbed out of his yet, still numb by the time he shook Rooster’s hand, and it remained even as he walked away from the crowd. It lasted well through getting cleared by the medics, well through the debrief. It almost felt like a comfort. Like a blanket that kept him safe even as he knew better than that.

Finding a room that was loud enough, yet empty of people. Was easy enough when he had spent so much time on a carrier before. It also meant Javy knew where to find him because Javy knew the amount of places where he could be. Silence was allowed to prosper, it always was for the two of them. And Jake was thankful for it. He didn’t have words, even in the cases when he needed them. 

If he stuck to numbers, he could make it home. The amount of time they spent in silence. The amount of messages he ignored on his phone. The amount he sent back to Jason. The number of people he didn’t even see when they passed him by. The number of forkfuls of food he could manage before Javy allowed him to stop. The amount of time spent avoiding everyone else. The number of stairs he had to go up and down. The amount of steps between his bunk and the door. The amount of time until they could leave. The amount of seats filled on the transport. The amount left empty. The amount of hours spent in a loud yet silent transport until they landed back on US soil. The number of people he politely had to speak to to avoid them better, so that he could go home. 

The folder of the End was in his hand when he stepped out onto the parking lot. The folder that held his will, and other important things. The folder that stayed in Javy’s locker every time it wasn’t in his own possession. He really wished he had had both hands free when he stepped out onto the parking lot. 

Seeing Jason somehow brought colour back to the world. The world still stayed out of focus, and even Javy melted into the background noise, into the fog which Jake couldn’t focus on at all. But there was colour. Not in the “all the bad drains out of you in a sigh of relief” kind of way, but in a “I am finally seeing the emergency exit lies through the smoke” kind of way. Like he was finally seeing a lifeline he so desperately needed.

Heavy steps brought him closer until he could wrap his arms around Jason, being seen by everyone else didn’t matter. His head rested heavily on top of Jason’s, arms felt as if filled with lead as he held him close, trying his best to not let gravity win this once. 

He could make it if he focused on the numbers. The number of words that echoed louder than any missile, any alarm of warning, or crackling coms channel. Three words.