#bolerooffire

The thoughts stealing away all of his attention had been Rachel and Volvy. Normally, when women fought over him, he didn't care. He didn't care for much of anything actually. It was either something that amused him, or bored him. Now, he wasn't sure. Now it just seemed like he couldn't quit thinking about it. And each time he had, he didn't know how he felt. A strange mix of emotion would overcome him. He had come to love both of them. Neither of them knew about him or vice versa. Was he suppose to make some sort of decision? Did they want him to decide what was going to happen in their future?

Why did this matter? Why did it bother him so much? The shadow would be laughing, if this were a usual occurrence. He would egg on the fighting until it bored him. Broken hearts, emotional pain, as well as physical were just things for his amusement. Things to pass his time and make his day. What happened to him? Was the realms outside of the Dark Realm effecting him? Was he becoming more then just Rowan's shadow? These thoughts scared him.

He never felt so scared over an idea before. Even other's deaths hadn't bothered him this much. His own demise didn't frightened him to this extent. What was going to happen to him if he became a 'broken shadow'?

Erow stopped his pacing and sat back down at the couch. His hand rubbing his face slowly as he pondered. He didn't want to think about this. About any of this. Not about Volvy. Or Rachel. Or being a 'broken shadow'. He didn't want to, but they wouldn't go away. The dark being began to take in shaky breaths. It felt like his chest was tightening. It was harder to breath, but when he did, his breaths came out in awkward puffs. Not that he needed to breath. Breathing, eatting, sleeping. It was all just things he did because Rowan did them. Shadows didn't need them. It was just strange that he felt if he stopped, he would pass out. 

"What the dark realm are you two doing to me?" The shadow muttered, as if the two woman had been in the room with him. He sighed, falling against the couch limply. His body rested on it's side and his eyes staring off into nothing. 

He hated it here. 

Hated these realms and their confusing effects on him.

Even hated the girls. But soon regretted thinking of that.

It wasn't their fault he was having a dilemma. It was his fault this was all happening to begin with. As much as he didn't want to admit it was, it was. They were fighting because of him. They were unhappy because of him. All of this right now had been because he did something. And because of one reason or another, he actually cared. 

He actually hated himself for this.

Erow took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Thoughts of killing himself had come and gone. Doing it himself would have been too messy. Besides, he told himself, I don't hate myself that much. 

His eyes slowly closed as he tried to force the thoughts away. He didn't want to think about it anymore. It just caused all of those strange feelings he wanted to avoid. Maybe it would be better if he told them he tricked them. It was all just a joke to mess with their heads. Guilt hit him then, but it felt like the right thing in his mind. He started to make up excuses. He was terrible for them. He couldn't give them what they wanted. He wasn't a real person, only the shadow of a person. They deserve someone so much more and so less him. The depressing thought made his eyes water, so he forced it away too. He would stick with his plan. The shadow would tell them, next time he saw them. 

It is only right. 

It is only right.