#bodocweek2025

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Bodhi’s footsteps echo within the empty hallway at Basgiath. These were the rare moments in which the chaotic war college was eerily silent. Had he not had a target on his back, perhaps Bodhi could relax within the silence. He always craved the silence, just like his mother did. He picks up his speed, the familiar sight of the stone doors of the gym coming into view.

He didn’t believe he actually agreed to this, especially when he has too many responsibilities to juggle in his cousin’s absence. Last night, either out of pure idiocy or because he was too tired to properly think straight, he had agreed to a one-on-one training session for one of the cadets in his section. Bodhi knows Ridoc Gamlyn doesn’t need training, he’s watched him spar Sawyer many times. But that didn’t stop him from agreeing.

“Durran,” the sound of Ridoc’s smooth voice enters the space in which Bodhi was quietly listening to Quinn and Imogen bicker. They’ve grown accustomed to his silent presence, while Bodhi has come to love the sound of their bickering. 

Bodhi’s back straightens automatically, ensuring to keep his mask in place. “What?” He slightly narrows his eyes at the younger cadet, though his eyes don’t hold as much ice as Xaden’s.

Ridoc leans one muscular arm on the table, ignoring the way Imogen feigns disgust at the move. “I need your help, since you’re our section leader.”

Bodhi raises a brow, thinking it must have to do with Violet. “What is it?”

“I was wondering if you could train me with sparring. Sawyer refuses to help me fix my weak spot.”

What? Ridoc made it seem as if someone was in trouble, but he was simply asking to train. Bodhi couldn’t find it in himself to be angry–he had no energy. With all the events of the day thus far, he didn’t bother to stop and think before the words were tumbling out of his mouth, “sure.”

Imogen and Quinn perk up at this, shooting a look at their friend. Ridoc’s arm leaves the table, slightly taken aback before a mischievous grin tugs at his lips. “Tomorrow night?”

Bodhi waves him away, slightly nodding his head in confirmation. Ridoc gets the hint, leaving as quickly as he entered. Bodhi can practically feel the way Quinn and Imogen are glaring at him, “what?”

“Did you actually just agree to being alone with Ridoc?” Quinn questions, leaning in to keep the conversation amongst themselves.

“I–” Bodhi begins, abruptly closing his mouth. He drops his head into his hands, “I’m so fucked.”

“Gods, I can’t wait to hear what happened,” Imogen chuckles. 

Now, Bodhi stood in front of the closed doors of the gym. He had a strong feeling Ridoc had beaten him here, as he saw him leave dinner a little early, presumably to change into his training clothes. Thankfully, Bodhi’s last period of the day was sparring, so he was already changed and could mentally prepare himself before leaving. But now he was here. His heart hammered in his chest–forcing deep breaths to calm down his heart. He didn’t need to pass out before he even started training. 

With another deep breath, Bodhi pushes open the doors, met with Ridoc’s bare back. 

He’s so fucked.

Ridoc turns, his signature grin already on his face, “for a second, I thought you’d be late.”

“I’m never late,” Bodhi scoffs, closing the doors behind him as he nears Ridoc.

“I know,” Ridoc says softly, a stark contrast to his usual tone. Bodhi ignores it, not allowing his soft tone to squeeze his heart.

“So you said you need help fixing your weak spot?” Bodhi questions, casually folding his arms over his chest. 

“Yes,” Ridoc suddenly remembers, tucking his hands in the pockets of his pants, “Sawyer said I have an unguarded spot on my right side.”

Bodhi nods, “let’s do a round of sparring so I can see for myself.”

At least Bodhi could smugly tell Imogen she was wrong. He practically got his eyes stuck in the back of his head from the amount of times he rolled his eyes at his two friends for betting on him. Imogen’s highest bet was that Ridoc actually didn’t need help with anything. Quinn disagreed, not worried if she lost all the money to her name for a silly bet.

“So?” Ridoc questions, a light layer of sweat covering his chest.

Bodhi willed his eyes to not look at his chest, especially the defined muscles of his abdomen. “You do have a weak spot on that side, but it’s not bad.”

Ridoc nods, resting his hands on his hips, “so how can I fix it? I can’t have an opening like that in this war.”

Right, the war. For a moment, Bodhi had forgotten his mission at Basgiath. Keep getting the daggers out of Basgiath for the Resolution, to fight against the venin. He hadn’t realized Ridoc knew about it, but before he could question it, the younger boy clarified–”Violet told us. Rhiannon, Sawyer, and I. We won’t tell anyone, but I’d like to be prepared if I’m going to fight to protect thousands of lives.”

Bodhi nodded, seeing the truth in Ridoc’s eyes. It was a stark contrast to the usual demeanor he put on. Not caring about academics, flirtatious–the list goes on. Without a word, Bodhi steps closer, noting the way Ridoc’s breath catches. His hands land on Ridoc’s arms, readjusting them so they are in the position they were moments ago. Stepping around to his right side, he taps on Ridoc’s thigh, watching as he readjusts his position. 

“This is the position you were in that opens up your side,” Bodhi acknowledges, gesturing with his hand how the right side of his ribcage is easily open for someone to attack. “The worst injury you could get aside from your chest is your ribcage.”

Ridoc frowns, “couldn’t I just swiftly move to block?”

Bodhi scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips, “some of them throw daggers–just like how Violet does. They’re fast, it’d be dumb luck if you move fast enough to block.”

Ridoc winces, knowing how Violet throws her daggers. A way that Xaden had worked day and night with her to perfect. “How do I fix it, then?”

“It’s actually really simple,” Bodhi says matter-of-factly. He steps to Ridoc’s right side, placing one hand on his shoulder while the other one grips the bottom of his elbow. Ridoc’s body relaxes under his touch, allowing him to easily move his arm into a lower position. “Are you a righty?”

“Yes,” Ridoc answers, confused as to where Bodhi was leading with this.

“Your shoulder is too bunched up on the right side, probably because you use that hand to land your punches. It allows you to put more weight into your punches, but it leaves you open. The stance is now muscle memory, even when you’re wielding weapons. Am I wrong?” Bodhi raises a brow on him, a playful smirk gracing his lips. 

Ridoc goes to say something, a rebuttal–anything. He finds himself speechless at how Bodhi figured it out so quickly. A flirtatious smirk makes its way to Ridoc’s face, “you got me, I cheat with my punches.”

Bodhi playfully rolls his eyes, “mystery solved.” He turns on his heels, ready to retreat to bed before Ridoc makes him too flustered with that smirk.

“Where are you going?” Ridoc questions, folding his muscled arms over his bare chest. “You need to help me make sure I remember this new stance.”

Bodhi takes a deep breath before turning back around to face Ridoc, who’s looking as smug as ever. It’s going to be a long night.

“Again,” Bodhi orders as Ridoc places his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He was far more sweaty now, and Bodhi took the opportunity to drink in the miles of toned skin while Ridoc was distracted.

“We’ve been at this for hours,” Ridoc responds. It’s true, it was taking too long for Ridoc to break the habit of his stance. Every time he returned to his original stance, Bodhi forced him to start over from the top. 

“You’re the one who said you wanted me to help you break the habit,” Bodhi reminds him, cringing at the feeling of his shirt sticking to his own sweaty skin. Bodhi peels his own shirt off, the cloth sticking to him like a second skin. He throws it to the side of the mat they occupy, landing a few feet away from Ridoc’s.

Ridoc finally rises to his height, a retort on the tip of his tongue–finding himself speechless at the sight of Bodhi’s bare chest. Whenever they sparred for the past two years, there were two people that never stripped their training shirt. Dain, mostly because he was critiquing cadets rather than sparring himself, and Bodhi. And fuck, Ridoc would be lying if he said Bodhi wasn’t attractive. 

Air becomes taut in the large gym, though Bodhi shakes it away. Alongside Ridoc’s stares. He gets in his usual stance, watching as Ridoc ever so slowly joins him. The next couple of minutes are filled with grunts, curses from Ridoc’s end, and a tangle of two sweaty bodies. The ending to their sparring is one that not even Bodhi could’ve predicted.

Ridoc’s body pressed against Bodhi’s, keeping him in place against the mat. The two of them are breathing heavily as Bodhi fights against Ridoc, attempting to escape his grasp. He wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up in his position, or how Ridoc had found an opening in his stance.

“Fuck,” Bodhi breathes out, finally giving up. And gods, that may have been the hottest thing Ridoc has ever heard leave his lips. 

Ridoc sneaks a glance down at Bodhi’s lips, full and slightly bitten from Bodhi’s habit of gnawing on it in high-stress situations. Ridoc knows he shouldn’t do what he’s thinking, especially when he’s mostly certain the boy under him is not into men. He takes a moment to contemplate, but when Bodhi’s body is pressed against his own, his willpower is a thin thread that is ready to snap.

Fuck it.

Ridoc dips his head, pressing his lips against Bodhi’s. He feels Bodhi gasp against his lips, and for a moment Ridoc thinks he royally fucked up. That is, until Bodhi kisses him back. Ridoc’s hands leave their spot on Bodhi’s wrists, dragging his hands down the various planes of Bodhi’s chest and abdomen, relishing the way he tenses under the heat of his hands. Bodhi’s relic-clad arm reaches up, his hand firmly grabbing onto the back of Ridoc’s neck, keeping him in place as Ridoc’s own hands settle on Bodhi’s hipbones. 

Bodhi knew he should not be laying here, under his subordinate, allowing him to run his hands down his body as his lips and teeth clash with his own. 

Bodhi knew he should have left the moment Ridoc requested him to help him remember the stance–to throw out some excuse and assign it to Imogen or Sawyer. 

Bodhi knew he had an overwhelming pile of un-imbued alloy-hilted daggers hidden in his closet that needed to be done within the next 48 hours before Xaden arrived. 

Bodhi Durran knew all of this, but for once in his life, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that he would most likely be scolded by his older cousin for not completing his work. He didn’t care that he’d be given dirty looks by other section leaders and wingleaders if word spread about him and Ridoc on this mat. 

The boy above him tasted like sin, and Bodhi loved it. His tongue runs against Ridoc’s lips, pressing against, demanding that Ridoc grants him entry. He obeys, opening his swollen lips for Bodhi’s tongue to enter, their tongues fighting against one another. Bodhi may be under, but it didn’t take long for Ridoc to submit, their fight quickly turning into a dance as Bodhi memorized every curve and plane of Ridoc’s tongue and mouth. 

When the need for air becomes too necessary, Ridoc retreats from Bodhi’s mouth with a slight pop, resting his forehead against Bodhi’s. The hand that has been locked at the back of Ridoc’s neck slides to his cheek, resting there for a moment. Bodhi’s thumb extends, tracing Ridoc’s swollen and wet lips as the two catch their breath. 

“So,” Ridoc is first to break the silence, finally opening his eyes to look at Bodhi. “Safe to say my stance is fixed, wouldn’t you agree?”

Bodhi’s gaze goes from Ridoc’s lips to his eyes, a smile tugging on his lips. “I think you need a little more practice,” Bodhi teases.

A mischievous grin spreads to Ridoc’s lips, his gaze falling on Bodhi’s lips, tempted to feel how perfect they fit around him. As Ridoc goes to dip down to feed his craving, Bodhi moves them in one smooth motion, flipping so that Ridoc is now under him. Bodhi gives him his own mischievous grin, relishing the way the boy under him becomes flushed. Bodhi dips his head down, pressing hot kisses along Ridoc’s neck, promising a long future ahead of them.

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Bodhi moves as quietly as possible through the dark room, trying not to trip over all the stuff on the floor. His efforts to avoid waking Ridoc fails as he pulls his pants over his hips, kicking his bag with his feet so it falls over. Books, ink pens and daggers clatter to the floor. Ridoc grumbles from the bed.

"Fuck.Sorry," Bodhi whispers, not quite sure if Ridoc is really awake.

"Why so early?" Ridoc's voice is still rough from sleep. Pillows and blankets rustle as he sits up in bed. A magelight lights up next to the bed. Bodhi looks at Ridoc. His boyfriend rubs his eyes, staring sleepily at him, dark hair sticking out in all directions. Bodhi's heart leaps, and he has to fight the urge to get back into his warm bed.

"I have to go up to my room before I meet Im for breakfast," he replies. "Just go back to sleep."

"I would if you weren't so loud." his lips curl into a slight smile. It sends butterflies through Bodhi's stomach. 

"I would be quiet if your room weren't  such a mess," he replies, walking to the bed. Ridoc stretches a little further to capture his lips in a quick, gentle kiss. "See you later." he's really late, and if he's late for the third time this week Imogen will probably kill him. Ridoc caresses his cheek. For a second Bodhi can't help but look into his chocolate eyes and revel in the fact that this man is his. He leans in and kisses him again, not wanting to leave the morning peace. However he manages to tear himself away and sneaks out of the room to get as quickly as possible into his own room. 

A glance at the clock tells him he has exactly seven minutes before he has to meet Imogen at the stairs. Fuck. He quickly slips out of his old clothes and grabs a fresh uniform. He gets dressed while simultaneously reaching for his bag and throwing his books and everything he needs today into it. 

In his head, he goes over his to-dos for today.

Morning formation, classes, after this meeting with Soleil. For a moment, Bodhi wishes she hadn't made him her executive officer. He shakes his head. No! He deserves this position. He refocuses his thoughts. He has a history test tomorrow. Bodhi's insides contract nervously. He needs to study for this as well. Since his first day here, he had trouble getting 600 years of lies into his head. Then tonight there's a weapon drop with the fliers. He almost forgot about that. So he has to somehow tell Ridoc that he can't see him tonight. Making up a lie. Shit.

Bodhi hates having to lie to his boyfriend, but right now there is no other option. The secrecy with Ridoc, with his friends, is making him nervous. He feels like he's lying to and hurting everyone around him, even if he doesn't mean to.

Bodhi tries to shake off the stress as he laces up his boots. He longs to be back in Ridco's warm embrace. He tries to suppress the longing for the first moments of the day, the moments of peace. Right now, he only finds this with Ridoc. Ridoc is his calm center, and Bodhi would like a little more peace in his life right now. But college, training and the revolution don't allow that.

"You have to go." Cuir's gentle voice pulls him out of his thoughts. 

"Thank you." he jumps up, grabs his bag and leaves his room. Imogen opens her door at that exact same moment.

When she sees Bodhi coming down the hall, a hint of a smile appears. "I thought you were going to oversleep again," she says. He just shrugs and follows her down the hall. Imogen knocks Quinn out of her room, and the three of them head to the mess hall.

"Are you remembering our training tonight?" Quinn asks. Bodhi needs to suppress a curse. He forgot he was supposed to give her archery lessons tonight. The next weapon Quinn wants to master.

"Sure," Bodhi says, even though he has no idea when he's supposed to do that. Quinn loads her plate with breakfast. Im uses this moment to give Bodhi a confused look and mouths “weapon drop” . Bodhi shrugs, and Imogen rolls her eyes, but then jumps in for him. Like she always does.

"Why didn't you ask me? I'm a much better teacher than Bo."

Quinn turns back to her best friend. "Well, your archery skills -” 

"You don't want to finish that sentence." The grin on her lips belies her threat. "Let me help you."

"Fine. No need to fight over it. I didn't know I was so popular."

"Only with me, my dear." Imogen winks.

While they walk to a table where Garrick is already sitting, Bodhi wishes he could fool around with his friends, but his mind is all over the place. He tries to make a plan to fit everything in. He is poking around with his fork in his breakfast, half-listening to his friends who have fallen into their morning chatter. He tries to laugh at the right moments, not to show how caught up in his thoughts.

How can he best tell Ridoc that he doesn't have time for him today? What lie this time? His stomach clenches painfully again. He doesn't want to lie anymore. Could he perhaps swap with Emery? Let history studies fall out and hope he has enough knowledge to not fail? What if Soleil needs his help? Soon they need to rate the Rookies. His head hurts.

"You've taken on too much." his dragon's loving sternness doesn't help as much as usual.

"I have no choice," he grumbles over the bond

Cuir makes a noise that must be a snort. "You could ask for help."

"I don't need help. I can do this on my own."

"But you don't have to."

Cuir is wrong. He can't burden his friends even further just because he can't keep his schedule straight.

"Bodhi?" Quinn nudges him with her elbow. He is pulled out of his conversation with Cuir.

"What?" he asks confused, looking over to Quinn.

"The milk?" she shakes her coffee cup.

"Sure, sorry." Bodhi stretches to give her the milk from the other side of their tabel. 

"Is this a hickey?" Imogen pulls his shirt down a bit, exposing the dark bruises across his collarbone that Ridoc left there last night. Fuck!

Bodhi's stomach drops and tightens, and he gently swats her hand away, sits back so he gets out of her reach. "Nonsense." he tries to keep his voice unbothered, looking at Imogen like she's crazy.

She sees through him immediately, furrows her eyebrow. Garrick leans across the table, entering Bodhi's personal space. Quinn has to push her cup aside so Garrick doesn't knock it over.

"That's a hickey," he exclaims, beaming at him. "Uhh, Bodhi has a girlfriend." he raises his voice a few octaves and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Shut up," Bodhi hisses, forcing his gaze to stay on his plate and not look over to Ridoc, who had sat down with his squad moments ago. His cheeks burn hot, while his heart thunders against his ribs.

"Would explain why you're so confused right now. Who is she?" Imogen asks. Her voice on edge, not even trying to hide her annoyance that he hasn't told her.

Bodhi isn't confused, he's stressed. Instead he says, "She doesn't exist." It's not a lie.

Garrick rolls his eyes. "Come on, dude. You never say anything about your girls. Don´t tell me you went a whole year here without getting your dick wet."

He knows Garrick doesn't mean it like this, still he snaps. "Because it's none of your business." Bodhi feels cornered, realizing how thin-skinned he is. His instinct to flee kicks in, and Bodhi doesn't try to fight it. The next moment, he's on his feet, almost running into Xaden, who's just about to sit down.

"Everything allr—" his cousin begins, but Bodhi ignores him and is already on his way out of the mess hall. He can't deal with them right now. Can´t lie, can´t hide. 

He hears his friends calling after him, sees out of the corner of his eye Ridoc poking at his breakfast, jaw tense. Now Bodhi is more annoyed with himself than with his friends. He hurt Ridoc, again. Everytime he lies to his friends he hurts him. 

His feet carry him on, back to the dorms. He pinches the bridge of his nose. Shit. He doesn't even know why he didn't just say it was Ridoc. Of course he does. Because he's a coward. His friends don't even know he's into men. It took Bodhi years to admit this to himself.

He had girlfriends, kissed them, had sex. It was alright. Never as euphoric for him as Garrick and Xaden say. For years, Bodhi thought love, relationships and sex were just like that for him. He never understood the hype. He did what was expected of him.

Then he met his foster brother's best friend, and everything fell into place. For the first time in his life, Bodhi was truly in love. Relationships, kissing, sex. Everything felt right. Even though the relationship failed, it opened Bodhi's eyes and showed him who he really is.

It's difficult for someone in his situation. He's expected to marry, to produce children, or rather, heirs. His father has instilled this into his brain since he was a child. This just doesn't protect the Riorson claim over Tyrrendor. Bodhi is responsible for continuing his father's line. Durrans have always been highly respected in Tyrrendor, powerful Riders and good diplomats. His father's legacy.

Bodhi has struggled with the responsibility since realizing he was gay.

He thought he could ignore this problem while he is  in the Quadrant. It was clear to him that relationships had been off limits during his time here. People die too quickly, Bodhi has too many secrets, it wouldn't be fair. And for a year and a half, it worked out great.

Enter Ridoc, his smile, his humor, the way he manages to lighten the mood in every room. Damn that perfect body. Bodhi tried so hard to stay away. But Ridoc wouldn't allow it, and Bodhi could no longer deny that he had already fallen for him.

He kept quiet around his friends. It's not like his love life is anyone's business, is it?

Ridoc was understanding. I don't want to force you to come out. You have to know when you're ready.

Bodhi feels guilty. It's not like Bodhi is ashamed of Ridoc. He just doesn't want to disappoint anyone. Not disappoint Xaden. Not disappoint his father.

"Your father is dead. You can't disappoint the dead," Cuir tries to ease some of his frustration.

"Thanks for the reminder," he snaps at his dragon a little too sharply, then blocks her out. His own thoughts are too loud. He doesn't need his dragon right now. He'll have to apologize later.

In his room, Bodhi falls face first into his pillow. He screams his frustration into the fabric. It helps. Bodhi turns back onto his back and stares at the ceiling.

He doesn't understand why he didn't just speak up. He can tell that all the stress is getting to him. He runs his hand through his hair, trying to calm down before he has to head back for formation. 

Just a moment of peace. The gods don´t give him that. Someone knocks on this door.

"Bodhi. Open the door." Imogen. He should have known she would follow him.

"Leave me alone," he hisses. The lock clicks softly. Bodhi curses quietly under his breath. Xaden is the only one who can break Bodhi's magic.

Imogen, Xaden, and Garrick enter his room uninvited. The door closes again.

"We're breaking the codex," Bodhi says, as if it matters. They do it all the time. Garrick leans against his desk, folding his arms across his chest, while Xaden leans against the wall opposite of the bed. Imogen drops down next to him on the bed. He can feel all of their eyes on him. Bodhi has to pull himself together not to shift under the weight of their gazes. 

"What's going on  with you?" she asks. Bodhi wants to run away an hides. 

"Nothing. What do you mean?" he forces a smile onto his lips. "Just because I don't talk about my love life?" Bodhi tries to keep his tone joking, but fails.

Garrick snorts at his obvious lie. Imogen sighs softly.

"Is that why you're running away from us?" Imogen persists. When she looks at him like that, Bodhi knows she won't give up. Again, he feels the urge to run away, to escape from his own room. But where should he go? To Ridoc. Bodhi would prefer to be with Ridoc right now.

"You wouldn't have dropped it," Bodhi grumbles now, trying to keep his voice neutral. Imogen's jaw tenses slightly, and he knows he's failed.

"We just wanted to annoy you a little. You don't have to be so angry," Garrick interjects, sounding annoyed too. Im glares at him. But Bodhi's insides tighten again. Of course, he doesn't want to push his friends away.

"I'm not angry with you. It's all—"

Imogen doesn't let him finish. "We're worried, Bo."

Immediately, Bodhi's stress rises again. He doesn't want his friends to worry, doesn't want to burden them with more than they already have.

"I'm fine," he lies.

Imogen looks first at Xaden, then at Garrick. She reaches for Bodhi's hand, her fingers warm as she shows him his own hand. "Then what is this?" Bodhi looks at his own bloody nail beds. When he's stressed, he picks his skin. Bodhi bites the inside of his cheek. He looks away. Guilt washes through him. He disappoints them. 

"You're unfocused, you forget things, meetings, that´s nothing like you," Garrick interjects. Bodhi just shrugs, not knowing what to say and not wanting to lie again.

All these secrets and lies. It's too much for him. With noone can he fully be who he is. He's hiding the revolution and the truth about Navarre's Leadership from Ridoc. He's hiding Ridoc and his feelings for him from his friends, even though he'd rather shout them from the bell tower.

"I thought maybe a girlfriend would explain all this." Imogen meets his gaze, squeezes his hand. "You don't have to have secrets, Bodhi."

Bodhi has to swallow. She is wrong, he has to. He had kept secrets from everyone and everything for so long that he probably doesn't even know who he really is anymore.

"We love you, Bodhi. Unconditionally." Xaden's voice is unusually gentle. Bodhi's gaze quickly rises to his cousin. His gaze is full of warmth and love.

"There's no girlfriend," Bodhi begins, struggling with himself if he really can say the next words. A hint of a smile appears on Xaden's face, and his gaze becomes encouraging. Bodhi feels as if Xaden always knows what he wants to say.

"Ey," Garrick interjects, but Imogen waves her hand dismissively to silence him.

"Then no girlfriend. And do you think we'll judge you because you had a one-night stand?Why should we? Xaden also hopped from bed to bed last year, and we all know Garrick is a slut."

"You don't have to say who she is. If she makes you happy, then we're happy too." If any of the other cadets heard her speak in such a gentle tone, they probably wouldn't believe their own ears.

Bodhi feels like he got sent back in time again. Suddenly he's fifteen, home, and safe.

He's safe with his friends. They're his family. In families, you don't hide who you really are. Bodhi closes his eyes, unable to look at Im, let alone at Xaden, as he scrapes together all the courage he has. "He," he whispers, hardly able to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

Silence spreads. Three heartbeats long. Bodhi can't breathe.

"Then he. As long as he makes you happy, we're fine with it.”  Bodhi jerks his head up and stares at Imogen. She shrugs. The next breath feels like the first real breath in years, like finally getting enough air in his lungs. He has to blink, not sure if he heard right.

All the worry, the fear of rejection and his family's reaction suddenly seems ridiculous. "What?" he stammers as his mind tries to come to terms with the new reality. The knot of stress that has been accumulating in his stomach for weeks suddenly dissolves. It's as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"Did you really think we would care that you like sucking dick?" Garrick says, fighting to stay serious. 

"Very sensitive," Xaden says. Not a hint of anger or disappointment in his voice. Bodhi manages to look at him. Xaden smiles at him.

"I thought- " Bodhi begins, unable to believe that none of the horror scenarios that had been going through his head had come true.

Xaden crosses the room with a few long strides and pulls Bodhi into a tight hug, causing him to exhale briefly in shock. "There's nothing you could do that would disappoint me. You are perfect, Bodhi, just the way you are," his cousin whispers, and Bodhi has to blink back tears. The two break their embrace, and Xaden ruffles his black hair the way he's been doing since they were seven. "I love you, Bodhi."

"I love you too."

"Soo spill the tea? Who is your hot secret lover?" Garrick's dimples appear on his cheeks, breaking the last tension in the room. Bodhi can't stop a relieved laugh from escaping his throat. He feels light, calm, and loved. Tears form in his eyes again, but he blinks them away.

He looks at Garrick, not even trying to wipe the grin from his lips. "Shut up. I don't have a hot secret lover. More like a hot secret boyfriend."

Imogen beams at him. "Who?" she exclaims, reaching for his hand. Of course, she wants to know everything right away.

Bodhi looks at the clock; he can allow himself a little fun now. "Time for morning formation." he jumps up from the bed. He enjoys the lightness that has returned. He doesn't want to think about the fact that he still has far too much to do. The mere fact that he and Ridoc no longer have to hide makes everything so much easier for him.

Garrick and Imogen groan in annoyance, Xaden chuckles quietly. While Imogen and Garrick try to get the information out of him, Bodhi grabs his bag from the floor and heads for the door. He will mess with them a bit more before giving them the information. Now it's Bodhi's turn to have a little fun. He steps out of his room, hears his friends behind him.

After two steps, he stops. Ridoc is standing at the end of the hallway, clearly worried. Bodhi can't help but smile at him. His heart beats faster in his chest and warmth flutters through his body. Ridoc tilts his head slightly, trying to read the mood and the situation from Bodhi's face.

"Fuck no. Not Gamlyn. Come on, Bodhi," Imogen calls from behind him, immediately understanding the situation. "Everyone else please."

"Fuck yes Gamlyn," Bodhi says, unable to fight the grin on his lips as he walks over to Ridoc, pulls him towards him, and kisses him. He feels Ridoc's grin on his lips.

"So we're out?" he grins as he reaches for Bodhi's hand.

"Is this fine with you?"

Ridoc looks at Bodhi as if he's lost his mind. "Of course. You don't really think I want to hide the fact that the hottest guy in the quadrant is mine?" he gives him his typical grin and winks.

"Please go back to the secret relationship." Imogen groans without meaning it as she pushes past Bodhi and Ridoc. Bodhi laughs and puts his arm around Ridoc's shoulder to press a gentle kiss on his cheek before they both follow Im.

"Are you going to be nicer to me now?" Ridoc grins as they go down the stairs to the courtyard, taking Bodhis hand in his. 

"She'll probably be meaner now." Garrick pats him on the shoulder, laughing and catches up with Imogen with a few steps. Poking her in the side, right where she's ticklish. She strikes at him, Garrick dodges.

"Juhu," Ridoc grumbles next to him. Bodhi grins down at him.

"You get used to it. Now let's go. Your Wing Leader doesn't tolerate being late for morning formation."

<𝟑 .ᐟ

Ridoc's lips were hot against Bodhi’s, teeth and tongue clashing together in a rush. They had all night, though they acted as if they only had minutes. Bodhi runs his hand through Ridoc’s hair, lightly gripping as he keeps the younger boy in place under him. Ridoc–

“Bodhi!” Xaden says rather loudly, snapping his younger cousin out of his daydreams. Imogen was looking at him too, a smug look plastered on her face. Herself and Quinn knew exactly what happened between Bodhi and Ridoc–without Bodhi even needing to tell them. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“Uh–yes,” Bodhi not-so-smoothly lies, any images of Ridoc’s lips gone from his mind. Xaden was visiting to retrieve the daggers, per the arrangement Sgaeyl and Tairn had from being bonded. 

Xaden raises a smooth, dark brow, “then what did I say?” Bodhi sneaks a glance to Imogen, silently pleading for her help. She acts innocent, not giving a crumb of information that can help him. Before he can come up with some bullshit excuse, Xaden continues, “I was asking if all the daggers are ready.”

The daggers–right. Bodhi had barely managed to finish all of them this morning, mere minutes before Xaden arrived. From his training night with Ridoc, the last thing he wanted to do was imbue his magic into daggers while he was hot and bothered. 

“They’re finished,” Bodhi answers, straightening his posture in front of his cousin. “I finished the last batch this morning.”

Xaden nods in approval, “you and I will go get them and sneak them to Sgaeyl in ten minutes. Meet in your room, do not be late.” 

With that, Xaden left as quickly as he arrived, his shadows following him like hounds. Once he was sure his cousin was gone, Bodhi’s shoulders slumped, an exhale escaping his mouth. Imogen chuckles next to him, though he ignores her.

“You have one night with Ridoc Gamlyn and you already don’t know how to act,” she teases, playfully narrowing her eyes at her friend.

“Shut up,” Bodhi seethes, “we didn’t have a night.”

“Right,” Imogen sarcastically agrees, “as if Quinn and I didn’t hear you come back to your room until early morning.”

Bodhi’s cheeks reddened, “you two were awake?”

Imogen shrugs, “Quinn wanted to see how late you’d come back. I owe her three rounds of drinks now.”

Bodhi groans, scrubbing his hands over his face. It’s only been two days since he shared a night of kisses and touches with Ridoc, and he already felt like he was dying. 

“At least you have Quinn to talk about your relationship with,” Imogen adds before beginning to walk away.

“What?” Bodhi questions from beneath his hands, slowly removing them as he peers at his pink-haired friend. “What are you talking about?”

“Well you both are in relationship with the same–” 

“No,” Bodhi’s voice is meant to come out firmly, though he can’t hide the tremor. “Ridoc and I aren’t anything.” 

Imogen raises a skeptical brow, ready to retort, but quickly stops herself. Bodhi isn’t sure what she realizes that makes her hesitate, but she relents. She gives a curt nod to her friend before turning on her heels, leaving Bodhi alone in the abandoned hallway. He only had minutes before he had to meet with his cousin, so he began the trek to his room. 

His mind couldn’t help but wander to what Imogen had implied, that he and Ridoc were in a relationship now. That he was into men. Before two nights ago, Bodhi never really indulged in having one-night stands with anybody, even though they are in a war college. His mother raised him better than that, but he had crushes on women here and there during his first two years at Basgiath. He’s made out with a few girls too, back when they would sneak out of their group home at sixteen, and he’s never not enjoyed it. 

For the first time in his life, Bodhi found himself stuck. Was he attracted to men or was it just Ridoc that he was attracted to? Ridoc always had this beauty and overall aura that attracted anyone–but Bodhi couldn’t help but be torn between the two. He hadn’t spoken to Ridoc since they parted from the gym after making out for hours, the two sneaking up to their respective dorms. He wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, he just didn’t know what to say or do. What did it mean? Did Ridoc have feelings for him, or was it simply physical? 

Bodhi groaned as his hand wrapped around his doorknob, a headache already forming from thinking too hard about the subject. About his feelings. 

“Someone’s in a mood,” Xaden comments from behind him. 

Instinctively, Bodhi jumps, grabbing onto one of the daggers attached to his legs before realizing it was just his cousin. His body untenses, allowing his cousin into his room before closing and locking the door behind him with a flick of his wrist. “You need to stop appearing out of nowhere.”

Xaden pouts, “but it’s so fun scaring you and Garrick.”

Bodhi rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. The two burst into laughter, recalling all the times since their youth of Xaden always finding ways to scare the absolute shit out of Bodhi and Garrick. Bodhi couldn’t help but miss those times, when they didn’t have to worry about anything and were able to enjoy their childhood. 

Xaden flops down onto Bodhi’s bed, propping his hands behind him. “So, what is on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Bodhi deflects, opening his closet door to open the secret drawer he built in for the daggers.

“Liar,” Xaden accuses from his spot. “Come on, Bods, you can tell me. We’re brothers.” 

Bodhi was glad Xaden couldn’t see his face. Couldn’t see the way Bodhi’s expression softened, though he doubted his cousin would understand his dilemma. Bodhi takes extra time taking out the daggers, contemplating whether or not to confide in his cousin. He didn’t care if his cousin told anyone else–he just wasn’t sure how he would react. 

Bodhi turns, placing the large sack of daggers on the bed, next to his cousin. Xaden looks at him, silently encouraging him to speak of what is weighing down so largely on his mind. Bodhi takes a breath, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his flight jacket before finding the words.

“I was with someone two nights ago,” Bodhi begins, testing the waters to see Xaden’s reaction. His eyes flicker for a second, long enough for Bodhi to note before his cousin conceals it.

Xaden whistles, “that good that you’re that distracted? Who’s the lucky girl?”

Bodhi internally winces, but his body doesn’t betray him. He looks away, mumbling under his breath, “it’s not a girl.”

The room goes quiet, and Bodhi thinks his cousin is either going to ridicule him or ignore Bodhi for the rest of his life. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

Bodhi snaps his head to his cousin, who looks unamused. He’s clearly unphased by Bodhi’s revelation of being with a guy, so he either doesn’t care or possibly suspected it. “It’s not…weird that I wasn’t with a girl?”

Xaden furrows his brows, concern lacing his tone, “why would it be weird to be with a guy? You can be with whoever you want, as long as you’re happy.”

Bodhi’s mouth is left agape, shocked at his cousin. Yes, Xaden was always so nonchalant about things, but this was something even Bodhi hadn’t even expected. He closes his mouth, “it’s Ridoc.”

Now it was Xaden’s turn to be shocked. His eyes widened, speechless. “Out of all the men you can choose in this school, you choose Ridoc Gamlyn?” 

“I know,” Bodhi deadpans, knowing how much of a flirt Ridoc is. 

Xaden folds his arms over his chest, “so was Ridoc just there for a fuck or does he actually have feelings for you?”

Bodhi sighs out, moving to sit down on his chair. He looks defeated, unsure how to answer that question. “I have no fucking idea.”

“Well, let me ask this instead, what were you there for?” 

“I was there in the first place to help him train, per his request.” Bodhi answers, picking at his fingernails.

“Ah, that’s my favorite excuse,” Xaden offers him a playful smile, alleviating some of Bodhi’s anxiety. 

“We didn’t fuck, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Bodhi adds before his cousin can ask another question. “We just made out the entire time.”

Xaden puts a hand up, “I don’t need the specifics.”

Bodhi lowers his head, shaking it as a smile creeps onto his face. “I don’t know how I feel. Yes, Ridoc is gorgeous, but this feels different than my other crushes.”

“Well have you stopped thinking about it?” Xaden questions, already knowing the answer.

“No,” Bodhi truthfully responds, peering up at his cousin.

“Well,” Xaden begins, leaning forward on the bed. “I can’t tell you what you truly are feeling, that’s up for you to figure out. But from what you’re telling me, this doesn’t seem just physical. I’d bite the bullet and talk to Ridoc.”

Bodhi groaned, leaning his head back and he heard his cousin scoff at him. “I know you hate confrontation when it comes to your feelings, Bods, but you’re a Durran and a Riorson. You can do it.” Xaden stands, pouch of daggers in hand. He claps Bodhi’s shoulder, “I’m proud of you, don’t forget that.” Without another word, his cousin leaves, leaving his shadows behind. They swirl at Bodhi’s feet, giving their own farewell before drifting under the door to follow their master.

“I hate this,” Bodhi mumbled to himself.

He hated it indeed, because he had no fucking idea how to have this conversation with Ridoc. More importantly, he had no way of cornering Ridoc alone. He’s always with his squad, which is great in hindsight, but not great for Bodhi. 

By dinner, he’s had enough of waiting around and letting his nerves get the best of him. In the corner of his eye, he notices Ridoc leaving alone, heading in the direction of the dorms. With a sudden burst of confidence, Bodhi excuses himself from dinner, discreetly following after him. He maintains a good distance from Ridoc, using the shadows to his advantage to stay hidden. His cousin may not be at Basgiath anymore, but if there’s anything he’s learned, it’s how to hide in the shadows without being a shadow wielder. 

Now, he stood outside Ridoc’s door. He could hear the boy humming to himself within the room, maybe cleaning, changing, or doing work. Bodhi wasn’t sure, but it wouldn’t be long before someone catches him, either Ridoc or one of his squadmates. Bodhi raises his fist, knocking lightly on the door. In a split second, the door swings open, revealing Ridoc shirtless and in a pair of loose pants. Clearly, he was getting ready for bed before Bodhi knocked. 

Ridoc’s smile becomes softer at the appearance of Bodhi, stepping to the side to let him in. Bodhi enters, taking in Ridoc’s smaller room as he closes the door and locks it with lesser magic.

“This is a lovely surprise, what’s for the visit?” Ridoc questions, moving around him to sit on the bed.

“I wanted to visit,” Bodhi comments, still looking around the room. “I wanted to talk.”

Ridoc sits up straight abruptly at the comment, “about what?”

“About what happened during training,” Bodhi answers, gaze falling on Ridoc. 

Ridoc gulps, nerves heightening at the implications of what type of conversation Bodhi wanted to have. Ridoc would be lying if he said his heart rate didn’t speed up every time Bodhi entered the room. He may be known to sleep around and flirt with everyone on the Continent, but he’s never felt what he feels for Bodhi–and it scares the shit out of him.

Ridoc pats the bed, gesturing for Bodhi to sit with him. Bodhi sits, eyes falling on his hands in his lap. Silence envelopes them, Ridoc allowing Bodhi to find his words, not wanting to rush him into the conversation.

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Bodhi confesses, noting the way Ridoc’s eyebrows fly up in surprise. Not in a judgmental way, just genuine surprise. Bodhi continues on, treading carefully in this conversation. “I’ve always had crushes on girls, but never really pursued anything.”

“Garrick was always the whore, wasn’t he,” Ridoc jokes, an attempt to calm both of their nerves. 

Bodhi laughs, genuinely laughs, nodding his head, “yes, yes he is. I don’t know if I’m one hundred percent into guys, but I am interested in you.”

Ridoc smiles, full of admiration and endearment. “Not everyone knows who they are interested in at first. I didn’t think I was into guys until after being with a couple. It’s something you have to explore.”

Bodhi nods, absorbing his words. “I would like to explore that with you, if that’s something you’d be interested in.” Heat creeps up Bodhi’s neck, spreading to his cheeks. He looks away, suddenly embarrassed for suggesting such a thing. Perhaps he rushed the conversation–

Ridoc’s fingers lightly grip his chin, forcing Bodhi to look at him. There is no judgment or snarky retort ready to roll off his tongue, just happiness and fondness. “I’d be honored to explore that with you. I know my reputation precedes me, but with you–you’re different, Bodhi.”

Bodhi smiles, any embarrassment long gone. He relaxes under Ridoc’s presence, glad to have gotten it off his chest. He leans forward, connecting his lips with Ridoc’s, the kiss soft and full of an emotion Bodhi couldn’t quite name. Ridoc smiles into the kiss, breaking apart from Bodhi to rest their foreheads against one another.

“What does this make us?” Bodhi questions, his voice small enough only for the two to hear. There were no wards around Ridoc’s room.

“Whatever you want us to be, baby,” Ridoc answers, Bodhi’s heart fluttering at the petname.

Bodhi softly chuckles, “you should know, you have more experience than me.”

Ridoc smugly smirks at the implication, “we’re boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends it is.”