this is the fourth time today i’ve distracted myself well enough to forget for a few minutes and it just makes returning to the black even worse every time

i feel so ignored and i feel less and less like trying. why bother with a friendship when it’s such a struggle every other interaction to have to weigh things out as ‘they’re just going through a rough time right now’, ‘this is a bad habit of theirs and they’re working on it’. why bother trying to be active and friendly at people when a literal four fifths of every attempt at roleplay i make gets ignored and passed over

i feel like shit and i hate that i have to beg for attention and i just want to slide into oblivion

please do not read this and scramble to recontact i’m just in a state where i’ll read everything as trite and hollow and hateful