#bm yapping

Usually new memories are sprinkled into my brain over the course of a few months when I first figure something out, but for some reason BH6 threw so much at me on the first week of knowing so here’s everything I can write down as of now.

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Stuff about Hiro:

I don’t really know what role I served for Hiro. Sometimes I was the big brother, other times I was some sort of parental role, or just a heated pillow. Whatever I was, I didn’t care I just wanted to be there for him. Obviously it was an act of love to look after Hiro but in the back of my mind it also felt like the last task assigned to me by his brother.

Forcing him socialize with people in college was super important to me. I could tell he was struggling with the age gap of his classmates but he was trying and that was all that mattered. He usually wanted me around when he was anxious but after a while I stood to the side to allow him to try talking without me and he did great. Over time he needed me less as a crutch and made friends all by himself. Our relationship never faded from me not following him around all day. I mean we shared a room together. It’s not like we were gone from each other’s lives, there was just a dip in the time we spent together.

In my canon Hiro was aroace, though I don’t remember what made him figure it out. I just remember him telling me one morning and I was just like “okay”

Love Hiro but I loved him a little less when I found out he just straight up didn’t eat vegetables and he didn’t wash his pants after every use. What was his fucking problem?

Also he still sucked his thumb at age 14. Definitely something undiagnosed there. I knew what it was but it’s a canon event for him to figure it out. The autism ride of passage.

He also hated when the food on his plate were touching. Which could mean nothing…

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Tactile / Sensory Stuff:

I don’t think I could feel anything outside my endoskeleton but I could feel the air shifting inside if someone moved me or poked at me. (<- Hiro) I think my insides were just so sensitive they would feel a chill from the movement and pinpoint where it was coming from. The only place where I was designed to have an actual touching sense were my hands and feet.

Being underwater was the worse feeling in this source. Not floating on top, that was fine, but being submerged underneath. Rarely happened but when it did the air from my body would obviously rise and put pressure on my entire endoskeleton. Everything would feel super stiff and trapped. Dare I say it kind of hurt? Yea, I felt pain as a robot. Never mentioned it though. I didn’t want to freak anyone out.

I love my armor so much. It wasn’t super comfy (kind of explains why in the paragraph above) but it looked really cool and I absolutely loved flying. I remember asking Hiro to equip my armor for no reason other than to feel tall and to fly around.

I was pretty light without my armor. Which meant anyone could just pick me up. And pick me up they did. Once a stranger would catch on that I’m pretty much as light as air they would instantly hug me and lift me up. Loved it when my friends did it but most of the time it was from random people. Their excuse was always cuteness aggression which… yea I’m pretty darn cute :3 Ahem anyways- It still wasn’t my favorite.

My battery would drain quicker if I was overwhelmed. Basically from sensory overload or frustration with a patient. (That orange cat) The feeling of my battery flatlining felt the same as getting dizzy and passing out. Everything would go black and I’d wake up disoriented. Most of the time I was brought back to charge and then I would get weirdly guilty when I woke up.

I felt like I failed at my job almost :( Because someone had to find me, carry me home and then set me up on my charger. It sounded like a lot of work for someone I was supposed to care for. Maybe I’m worrying too much but I still feel bad for inconveniencing anyone like that :( At least the movie gave us “we jumped out a window! :D” but man if I could apologize to everyone I would.

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Early “Life” & Tadashi:

I was actually fully conscious during the programming and testing process, but it was blurry in the same way a childhood memory is. Makes sense because I really did act like a toddler. I threw tantrums and was reluctant to do anything that required my robot brain to think a little too hard.

I also believe I was created to be a little more androgynous than how I turned out. I think Tadashi wanted that for me so it would be easier for patients to bring up anything medically without feeling too weird about it, but I ended up switching it up halfway through. I just took on the masc presentation on my own. #trans robot

Also the first pronouns referred to me by Tadashi were “He” and “it” after months of him just calling me “The Project” I felt alive and important then and I started to mature into my purpose of what I was meant to do and that was to help people.

I miss Tadashi but I never felt the need to mourn him. I felt physically closer to him than any human could. I had his dreams and ideas in my medical chip so I always felt like he was here. I never lost him the way Hiro did.

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