#bluewrts

changbin whined your name again, making you hold a smile. you pressed the elevator button with thoughts wandering around your non-established relationship with the man on your bed. you were well aware of his bad experiences with dating before, that’s what gave you the patience to deal with his detachment speeches. the thing was that changbin was the clingiest friend with benefits to ever exist– the sex is amazing, of course, but what made you stay was his attentive demeanor, his dedication to make you feel the best in bed, to prioritize your pleasure, to make you want to come back.

since you lived quite far from each other, both agreed to spend the night and just leave in the morning for safety reasons. changbin was the one to pitch the idea, to be honest– on your third night together.

“i don’t believe it’s safe for you to go home right now, so just stay the night,” he said, head buried on the curve of your neck, pressing slow lazy kisses on your skin.

“oh, so you’re making up an excuse to cuddle me?” you asked, eyes closed, enjoying the aftercare way too much.

“i mean, i won’t be rude and tell you to leave. i’m thinking of your safety, if you’re safe while cuddling me, what can i do?”

you gave a light slap on his thigh resting over your waist.

“yeah, alright. is cooking included in the package? ‘cause i’m getting hungry.”

changbin raised his head, you could visualize a cartoon light bulb right in the air.

“i can cook in the morning, but my favorite diner is open until late,” he announced. “your feedback might affect your next orgarms for the night.”

you frowned at his choice of words, but couldn’t help an endearing laugh.

“is it that important to you?”

“oh, you have no idea.”

“then call them, i’m gonna shower while you’re at it.”

changbin giggled and jumped off the bed to reach for his phone.

the food was actually amazing, so he made you come at least three times before you blacked out on his arms. the breakfast didn’t happen, though, you had to leave as soon as you woke up for a work meeting. the tiredness of the night before almost made you late, but you went through it even with your focus far away from your apartment.

changbin’s excuse to stay the night at your place was that the streets weren’t safe for anyone to drive that late.

“that’s when drunk people go out there and mess up everything. do you mind me staying?”

“to cuddle as well?”

“that’s non-negotiable.”

in fact, these late night hook ups weren’t usual. the first time was after a daytime party for your friends engagement, two months ago, the first time you really met changbin in person. you knew him from pictures with your friend's fiance, but never crossed paths until that very day. lots of talking, dancing, laughing and flirting later, you ended up at his apartment with no clothes on and a pretty fun afternoon.

you decided to leave in the evening, since you also weren’t looking for attachment – even though changbin’s number was already saved with a promise of another good time soon. your hookups were planned to be whenever one of you needed a release, so the first rule was to respect each other's free periods on the day.

“i have no fixed hours, so you might not get lucky sometimes,” you warned.

“guess i’ll just have to sadly handle it myself.” he shrugged.

you took the opportunity to bring up another topic.

“do you plan on doing it with other people?” your eyes didn’t leave his.

“i don’t think so, it’s not easy to match the chemistry these days,” he answered honestly. “but i can’t give you the hopes of a deeper commitment, i’m not available for that.”

you turned your body to lay over his, pressing a peck on his lips, “don’t worry about it. this is fun as it is.”

“they say the trailer is always the most fun part, anyway.” he cocks a brow, smirking.

“oh, so you got some punch lines? nice to know what i’m getting into.”

changbin laughed, pulling you closer to kiss you properly. the rest was history.

~~~~~~

“bin,” you whispered in the darkness of your room.

he was sleeping right beside you. it took one more grind of your ass over his crotch to take a hum out of him.

“need me, baby?”

“please, put it in me, this wet dream won't let me go back to sleep.”

with one hand, you took off your panties, with the other, you played with his cock over his pajama shorts. his left arm goes under to hug you by the waist, keeping you close enough to still allow you to roll back onto him. he left kisses all over your shoulder, aware that you were in the mood to be his pillow princess. which was okay with him — changbin loved being your service top.

“oh, i’m so lucky… having the best pussy just for me,” he moaned, trusting slowly from behind. he holds your right knee up to your stomach so he could have more access to your creamy hole. “is it okay, baby? want me to go harder? talk to me.”

“i'm so tired and sensitive, just want to go back to sleep,” you whine, playing with your nipples and pressing harder against him.

he gets the message and speeds it up, pounding harder, making your whines go louder.

~~~~~~

things started to get weird when changbin got teased by your friends in common. during a dinner hang out in dan and aeri’s apartment, changbin got comfortable enough to have you sitting on his lap while everyone was around in the living room. no one was drinking, to be fair, everyone had work and classes the following day, so a hangover wasn’t an option. changbin was holding a cup of juice on the hand that wasn’t around your waist, you were holding a small plate of snacks to share with him.

later that night, the line was dropped:

“oh, but it’s so nice to see changbin being as married as aeri and dan!”, jun cheered.

“right? thought it would take longer to see our bin this happy again,” yujin agreed, the biggest smile on her face.

you could feel him tense slightly under you.

“thank you, everybody. glad to know you were paying that much attention to me, i feel very loved,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

being too busy chewing on your food, you just smiled at the interaction. everyone was aware of changbin’s issues with commitment, everyone was aware that he wouldn’t be the one to admit that the joke wasn’t that much of a joke, after all.

when they changed the target to another friend, you thought it would be fun to keep on teasing him by yourself.

“guess i gotta take our marriage off my vision board now?” you whispered, putting a snack on his mouth to shut him up and make him think first.

changbin narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. he licked his lips, then left a small kiss on your arm.

“you better hide this hypothetical vision board when i’m around, or else i’ll have to take two steps back.”

he said that with such a cute smile that your reaction must have been what he expected for his comeback teasing. your smile wavered instantly, so you averted your gaze to the conversation happening outside your bubble. your body that felt so comfortable against his, started to feel itchy to get out of there as soon as possible– but you didn’t, you didn’t want to make a scene for something you knew was bound to happen.

“hey, i didn’t mean i don’t want to know about your plans, of course i do.” he squeezed your thigh softly to get your attention back.

“no, you’re right. honestly, i think we’re doing everything wrong at this point,” you mumbled, trying to be discreet. the mood obviously changed, but you hoped that you two were invisible in the room.

“what do you mean by that?” changbin asked, confused.

“aeri, where did you find these goodies? they don’t sell this flavor in my area.”

your friend got up excited, as if willing to share her newest discovery. she took you to the kitchen the showed you the pile of snacks she stocked for a week. aeri gave you two packs – for you and changbin, but you immediately let her know that those would be just for you.

“how are things in paradise?” she asked, leaning against the counter.

“been good, but i realized changbin has a twisted idea of a friends with benefits dynamic, so i’ll have to remind him of how it’s done.”

aeri watched you carefully, letting silence take the room. she didn’t have to search for disappointment on your features, it was pretty evident.

“yeah, it’s time he gets shaken up,” she agrees. “he’ll be a real loser if he lets you go.”

you gave her a faint smile, nodding. before sad thoughts took over your brain, you decided to leave, it was getting late– of course aeri didn’t believe it one bit, but she hugged you goodbye anyways. on the other hand, changbin was alert when you returned to the living room. he got ready to leave as well, hugging everybody while pretending he wasn’t the reason for your sudden change of mood.

the silence remained in the elevator and all the way to his car. changbin’s brain was overworking to come up with a solution for his mistake. unlike him, you looked oddly calm.

“y/n,” he decided to break the wall. “i’m really sorry for what i said. i didn’t mean to be insensitive about your plans.”

you shook your head, eyes on the street. “that’s not what upset me, actually,” you admited, changbin frowned. “i just realized i already told you about all of them, and i shouldn’t have done that.”

“what? why wouldn’t you?”

“because this isn’t what a sex-based relationship is about.”

“alright, no need to be rude,” he couldn’t help but scold you. “i never said i wasn’t interested in your life, i never said it was all about sex.”

“didn’t i tell you to read the patterns? did you even try?"

changbin paused, being able to look at you properly after stopping at the red light.

“i thought you were joking. i know i have crossed some lines, but–”

“you have crossed all of them, bin, that’s what i want you to realize.” he went silent. “i’m not ending things, i’m just acting differently from now on, like it’s supposed to be.”

a few minutes later, changbin parked in front of your building. he waited for your invitation, not sure if he was still welcome.

“you can come up, if you want,” you say, grinning when his face brightened a bit. “but there won’t be cuddles nor staying the night.”

his face fell again.

“but, baby, look at the time…”

“you can risk it tonight, that’s your call. we can give up the nightly hookups too.”

“stop teasing me, i’m warning you,” he said, his voice lower.

changbin took the car to your building’s parking lot, then you waited for the elevator together. you could feel his hand restless near yours, so you intertwined your fingers with his, feeling him relax. he didn’t stop looking at you once you got inside. for the both of you, it was not a thing to make out in public, but changbin hadn’t kissed you in what seemed like hours, so it was freaking difficult to stay sane in that moment.

as soon as you locked your door, changbin grabbed your waist to pull you closer, but you turned away when he tried to kiss you.

“we won’t get freaky tonight, okay? don’t want you too tired to drive back home later.”

changbin let out a frustrated goan locked his fingers on the back of your neck, tearing a moan out of you.

“baby, please, just shut the fuck up and let me give you what you deserve.”

~~~~~~

in the following days, changbin got busy with a project and you got overworked by your boss, so you couldn’t meet even once. the pent up stress joined the sadness of not being able to talk about it with changbin. you were aware that it was probably immature to just let him out like that, but you couldn’t give him all of yourself if he wouldn’t do something about it. changbin was the proud one in the situation, you were so tired and fragile to give him an ultimatum.

“is he fucking dumb, aeri?” you cried once. “how can he act that way and not actually be with me as a boyfriend? am i the only one fucking loving? didn’t i prove enough that i’m not his ex?”

aeri hugged you while dan prepared a cup of tea in the kitchen.

“i’m being honest when i say yes, he might be fucking dumb,” dan uttered from afar. “changbin is contradicting himself with this detachment shit. he’s unable to not care about someone’s feelings.”

“darling, don’t be wordy,” aeri advised, which made you laugh a little.

“y/n, i felt really sorry for bin when his ex messed him up.” dan returned holding two cups, giving to you and aeri. he held a finger up as a sign to wait, then he came back with his own cup. “but it’s been over a year, that’s why everybody jokes about him being happier, it isn’t actually a joke.”

“yeah, it’s clear as day that you and bin make a pretty good match”, aeri added. “he might be scared, but these actions are starting to hurt you because it’s obvious you’re not just friends with benefits anymore.”

you sniffled, less tears falling. the warm cup on your palms helped grounding you, somehow.

“i’m so fucking overwhelmed, i just wanted to feel safe with him.”

~~~~~~

the next day, all of changbin’s texts to you stayed on read.

bini: good morning, baby

bini: day off today, uh? any plans?

bini: how did that project go?

bini: my friend took me to the cutest ice cream shop yesterday

bini: let me know whenever you’re craving for it

bini: they have your favorite order there

bini: hey, answer me when you wake up

bini: was thinking of taking you out to lunch

bini: you’re probably overworked as always

bini: please take care of yourself

in the afternoon, you looked over the blanket to see your phone vibrating. changbin was calling.

“hey,” you picked up, not even a bit of excitement in your tone.

“sleeping late today?”

“no, just rotting in bed, actually.”

“everything okay? do you need anything?”

“just an awful week at work. i’ll hang out with aeri later, see if i can cheer up.”

“did you check my texts? i can come over right now, if you want. i’m an amazing company, as you know.”

“not in the mood for sex today, bin.”

“what? didn’t even think of it!”

you sigh, no energy left to have that conversation.

“well, you should. that’s all we have in common. don’t try crossing the line you created yourself.”

“y/n, don’t be stubborn, i want to take care of you.”

“you don’t have to, it’s not part of your role.”

“is this some kind of sick punishment? why are you doing this? i am your friend.”

“no, you’re not. the only time i get to be vulnerable with you is when we’re horny in bed, that’s all. my struggles outside our rooms are none of your business because that would require a level of intimacy that you made sure i knew is forbidden,” you ramble without noticing. “so, no, changbin, you can’t take care of me because i’m just your fuck buddy. i’ll text you when i get better, when i feel like i can be a good partner to you again, alright?”

“yeah, sorry. i get it, i’ll wait for you.”

but you didn’t hang up, you waited for him to do it. far from that cheesy couple action of not wanting to hang up first, you heart hurt just to think of doing it– distancing yourself.

you only realized you’d started crying when you heard his voice again.

“i’ll be there in ten. can you leave the door open for me, baby?”

you sniffled, just mumbling a weak “yes”. you heard the sound of keys and changbin moving around.

“just wait for me, okay? i’ll be with you in a few.”

then he hung up, leaving you with your heart on your sleeve. you got up from the bed and went to the door, unlocking it. after drinking some water in the kitchen, you got back in your room, throwing yourself over the sheets. didn’t take long for you to fall asleep again, burnout messing up your sleep schedule for a couple days now.

changbin woke you up in the softest way possible. he patted your hair carefully to bring you out of your slumber– it was great to see his face again as you opened your eyes.

“hi, baby.”

“hi,” you said. wasting no time to cuddle him by the waist, forcing him to lay down and get comfortable with you.

changbin left a kiss on the top of your hair, feeling your heartbeat due to how close you were.

“i’m sorry for being such a stubborn dumbass,” he started. “thank you for being so patient, for waiting as long as you could. sorry i couldn’t wait for you like i said i would today– couldn’t handle the thought of having you crying by yourself.”

“so you came to cry with me?” your voice was muffled by his shirt.

“of course, that’s part of my role as your friend and your boyfriend.”

silence again.

“that’s not the best way to make it official.”

“probably, but the label’s been here for a while, we just had to voice it out.”

“yeah, that’s why we all agreed you’re fucking dumb sometimes.”

“don’t tell me ‘we all’ includes dan and aeri.”

“won’t tell you, then.”

changbin changed his position to put you on your back, facing him. he used his thumb to get rid of the tear paths on your face, then started pressing kisses all over.

“i wasn’t planning to fall in love, but loving you is the easiest thing in the world,” he said, eyes locked on yours. “the only thing making me scared was my own memory of a bad time, ‘cause you never got me triggered, ever.”

you nodded, biting your lower lip nervously.

“i’m terribly sorry for pushing you away with my words, i know i can be quite contradictory.”

“speak your truth, cuddle monster.”

changbin’s eyes widened, hands immediately going to tickle your ribs. he couldn’t even be offended, he actually felt relieved knowing that you read his patterns so well.

“you know i’m sorry for your past experiences, and i’m glad you didn’t change your ways of affection, that’s what made me fall in love,” you stated. “i didn’t believe your goofy lines once, but you had to get a reality shock for your own good.”

his smile got bigger before kissing you softly. his tongue touched yours with an electric wave that came from longing and loving each other so much.

“have you eaten? we can cry together about your work and then i can cook you something,” changbin offered, playing with your hair.

“can we cry while you cook, though? i’m feeling hungry right now.”

“okay, no need to clown me!”

“i’m not! i’ve been planning this outfit for a while, but just got the money for it yesterday.”

matthew bites his lower lip, contemplating. you have a basket from the store with more clothes, which he acknowledges they match the jacket both of you are still holding.

“maybe we could celebrate together after our parties, what do you think? i could use an apology for making me so so sad.”

you smile once again, unable to resist the charms of the man in front of you.

“yeah, poor sad man, what’s your name again?”

“matthew, yours?”

“i’m y/n. now maybe you should give me your number and i’ll analyze your proposal ‘till saturday, is that alright?”

“perfect for me.” he grins.

***

the bar downtown had lounges on the third floor with a view of the city. you rented one of the spaces to spend the night with your loved ones with no worries. it worked so well that your friends were already planning the next events to be in that same room. the place had a glass wall that allowed you to watch the hallway to be aware of anything that was happening outside.

that’s when you saw him.

matthew was standing on the other side of the building – a cup in his hand, hair slicked back and a jacket that looked exactly like yours. he was talking to what seemed to be his funniest friend; his beautiful smile was out for the world to witness, for you to remember how you didn’t text him at all.

it wasn’t on purpose, really. you just got busy with the preparations and ended up leaving it for later – a later that didn’t come.

sensing he’s being watched, matthew looks around and finds you on the other end. tilting his head to the side, his smile changes. he cheers on you with his almost empty glass, you return the action and sign him to meet you in the hallway.

“well, look who wasn’t lying,” he teases while getting closer. “somehow, i don’t see you wearing that so very demanded jacket…”

you hold a smile.

“it was getting kinda hot in there, but i can put it back if you prefer.”

“oh, no, i wouldn’t tell you to do anything you don’t want to. but i can’t lie and say i don’t enjoy this view even more.” there he goes again, scanning you up and down.

“sorry i didn’t text you, things became pretty hectic the last couple days.”

“nah, it’s fine. guess we can seize the moment right now. keep that communication going with no rush this time.”

and you do. the hours pass while you talk about trivial stuff, making sure to be interested in every aspect of each others lives. matthew’s not only handsome and charismatic, he's also part of the production team from a company you know very well — you were invited to work with them for a promotion but the schedules didn't match after all. what did match, though, was the both of you.

the way you laughed in sync, the way you looked at each other with so much attention and curiosity, the way the slightest touches made you two waver. you wish you would've met sooner, but on the other hand, getting to know each other in a place full of people who cherished you and knew how to have fun— oh, that was perfect.

later, when matthew found a more private space to enjoy your presence, you found yourself pretty comfortable on his lap. his kisses were addicting, his hands pressed your curves in ways you could just imagine. first, he was very attentive of your reactions, second, you were the most obvious woman on earth. nevertheless, it was working, matthew’s smoking hot and eager to show his every move. through the few sane thoughts still roaming in your mind, you couldn’t stop the willingness of taking him back home with you.

“wait, i need to pee,” you say, suddenly.

“like in a kinky way, or something?”

“no, what the hell!”

you burst out laughing and hide your face in his neck. matthew pats you in the back, waiting for a real answer.

“i’m serious. i kind of grinded on you in a way that hurt a bit, so it reminded me i’m here kissing you for a long time now.”

“okay, so go relieve yourself and i’ll be right here, waiting to be grinded on for another long time.”

you kiss him again, biting his lower lip as a punishment, but of course he moaned.

“you’ll be a nightmare to handle, matthew.”

you noticed how his smirk turned into a hesitating expression

"you remember my brother, right? he left for uni last week."

"yeah, he's a nice guy. i knew he could do it."

"me too. the thing is, our room has a lot of space. auntie stated that if i don't find anyone to share, she's going to make it available to rent."

you nodded, "but i'm okay with my room, i don't need more space."

"the second thing is that i'm having trouble sleeping alone. i used to have my brother as a safe place for personal reasons..."

"wait, you want to share the bed with me?!"

he started to nervously play with his hands

"yes, but just at night... you can have the room to yourself the rest of the day, i promise it's much more comfortable than the one you rent right now."

"if you start with some creepy behavior i'm going to ruin your life."

then you agree

in the first night, changbin watched you getting comfortable with your body pillow

he suggested, "you can cling on me, i don't mind"

"yeah thanks, just stay where you are"

but in the middle of the night, you feel him restless near you

“is this what your brother had to put up with? i thought company would help you”

you don’t see changbin awkward smile in the dark

“well, he actually cuddled me, so…”

“what? are you serious?” with his silence, you question, “changbin, please don’t tell me this is the only way you’re able to sleep”

silence again, then a mumble, “i’m really sorry, it’s something i’m working on therapy”

now you’re the quiet one, biting your lips in deep thought

“alright, i won’t pressure you about it, just know i’m the big spoon and that won’t change”

you take the body pillow that separated your bodies and pull him closer

changbin shudders when he feels your arm around his waist, his back against your chest

“is this okay?”

“it’s nice”

“great, now let me sleep, tomorrow’s going to be a long day”

changbin tries to hold the biggest smile on his face, although he didn’t have to

the alarm goes off in the morning, you find yourself with a leg thrown over changbin’s, who’s now on his back

he’s basically your realistic body pillow, but much more comfortable and warm

you feel his soft skin where his clothes don’t reach

you almost feel like not leaving the bed at all, but the alarm goes off one more time

(strategy to make sure you wake up)

unfortunately, the noise woke up the fluffy human pillow under you as well

“morning, sorry for waking you up like this”

“it’s okay, i overslept, to be honest”

he doesn’t tell you it’s been a while since he slept so well

the two of you exchange glances, somehow waiting who’s getting up first

even you are surprise to not be the one sprinting away from him

not wanting to cause any more bother, changbin moves away

you convince yourself that the cold air that hits you it’s because of the blanket that slipped a little, not because of the lack of his warmness

the days go by with the usual stress

both of you take care of the hostel by day, then find comfort in each other by night

none of this is weird at all, since you’re always too tired to argue

changbin’s not that bad as well

his silly antics decrease when he realizes how quiet and serious you get when focusing on the project

one fine afternoon he catches you crying in front of your laptop screen

the exam for this stage of the project is even more difficult, and yet you can’t go through that freaking subject

the one you pay the girl to do for you

but she wasn’t available that week, so you ended up in a crisis, wondering why on earth you couldn’t get that through your brain

“listen, breathe for me, okay? let’s get yourself together first,” he guides you patiently

when you feel able to focus on him again, he puts one hand over your cheek

the warm feeling is familiar, working like some kind of anchor

“i can’t do the test for you, but we can study together. how long do we have?”

“two weeks only”

“two weeks are enough, let’s just work hard, alright?”

you just stare at him, trying to process how you got to this point of intimacy

the point of making you feel like hugging and kissing him till you both are out of breath

“okay, let’s do it”

changbin nods, scanning your face with a small smile

“i find this mole under your eye the cutest thing, you know?”

you put a hand over his – the one still on your cheek

“you’re not subtle with your pretty words and pretty eyes, okay?”

“oh? i mean, it’s all part of a plan, to be honest”

“talk to me”

“a study break, our bed, some cuddles, some kisses, if you’re interested. then more cuddles, maybe more kisses…”

“okay! i’m in! no more convincing!”

you get up and run straight to the bed, hearing his giggles echo through the room

this year, however, more people joined the party. friends, aunties, uncles and cousins from abroad were the reason for a bigger venue to be rented. that was far from being a problem to your in-laws, who happily set everything up full of anticipation. things started going down when one of these cousins approached your table as you talked to chan's mother.

"you're chan's girlfriend, right?", he asked.

"yeah, i'm y/n," you replied, smiling. "what gave me away?"

"i figured. i rarely find someone looking at other person with so much love in their eyes."

"see? that's exactly what i was saying yesterday!" chan's mother pointed. you laughed, shaking your head no.

you found chan not too far from your table, he was at the bar talking excitedly with another guy you're not familiar with. but given the light expression he had, the smile barely leaving his face, you knew he was having a great time. your heart couldn't help but flutter with the scene.

"look, she's doing that face again," the cousin brought you back to reality.

"okay, stop! can we change the subject?" you pleaded, covering your face.

"alright, alright. see that guy with chan at the bar? you know he's his first love, right? they are each other's first love, to be specifc. their ways parted during middle school, that's when they promised to end up together even if they find plenty of significant others in life."

you raised your eyebrows, genuinely curious.

"isn't that a deal we make when we're reaching thirty or something?" you laughed.

"well, they haven't talked much since then, but look at how happy they are to meet up."

your eyes reached them once again, not a hint of worry in your heart. whatever intention that random cousin had, it didn't bother you. hence, there was no reason for you to feel insecure at all.

"stop with the nonsense. he's engaged," chan's mother explained.

"oh no, no. they broke up right before he came back home."

[...]

the overthinking only started two weeks later, when you noticed the patterns. they'd spend too many time together hanging out to remember old times. places he never took you to, foods you can't eat - and chan knows it -, therefore you didn't join them. then chan forgot his habit to pick you up at work with his bike, which is one of the peaks of your day, even the longest ones. but he didn't come. the excuse arrived hours later with a call, "sorry, dear, we were bike racing at the park. you know how worked up i get with competitions, didn't even notice the time flying by."

"it's okay, babe. just let me know next time, traffic gets pretty hectic when i leave..."

"i know, won't make you wait again. i love you!"

you giggled, "love you too. now tell me more about that competition of yours."

[...]

he forgot again. started being late to your dates. got easily distracted by his phone. you knew chan like the palm of your hand, you knew he was genuinely having the time of his life with his friend. but nevertheless, he was neglecting you for the first time in four years. even though he was with you, his mind seemed to be elsewhere, anywhere but with you.

"chan," your gloomy voice reached his brain, startling him. suddenly, it was like a siren started ringing. you were curled up on the corner of the couch right by his side, but the distance felt bigger, somehow.

"yes?"

"it's been really fun with him, right?" your smile didn't reach your eyes.

"for sure, it's nice to hang out with such a long time friend," he replied. "he's leaving next week, remember?"

deep down he knew something was wrong. his reassuring wasn't enough, he was aware of that.

"i'm fine if you want to hang out with him until then. you don't have to make the effort to spend time with me, it's exhausting for both of us."

"what? no, of course not." chan put his phone away and got closer to you.

"i'm not comfortable feeling like i'm interrupting something..."

"is it about what my cousin told you? we were just kids, dear. we actually joke about that nowadays."

"yeah, i know. but i see how you act when you're with him... reminds me of how you were when we started dating."

chan lost his words. he couldn't believe things got to this point, the worst is that he didn't know how to make you believe he didn't mean any of this.

"i won't ask you to choose between the two of us, it wouldn't be fair," you said in a small voice. "your parents already noticed, not that i'm a good liar anyway."

"y/n. baby, please, don't do that." he reached for you hands, afraid of what your eyes were telling him.

"we're not breaking up, i just think you should focus on who's making you feel better right now. i've got a lot of work to do, so i'll be taking care of my own life while he's still here," you stated. "i know you're not trying to hurt me, i just need this moment to get myself together."

"i'll try my best to give you that space, but just know that i'm ready to reassure you every single day," he claimed in a careful steady voice. "i've been loving you for more than four years, this is not something that even a long time friend with some kind of romantic promise is capable of changing. i love you, y/n. there hasn't been a second in the last month that my love for you wavered. you're the only person to have my romantic feelings, and i failed to show you that."

trying your best to control the sobs, you let go of chan's hands to cover your face, soaking your shirt in the process. "can i hug you, dear?"

"please," you replied, ready to be surrounded by his warm body.

chan waited until you settled down, his own heart feeling calmer.

you cleared your throat, finally able to talk again, "i have no doubts on us, chan. it's just that... i got so, so scared when i realized how endeared you are by him. i got scared that your connection was stronger than ours. i love your parents so much, i don't know what i'd do if we broke up."

chan chuckled, "oh, i see. it all make sense now."

"they're such comforting people, i panicked with the thought of losing them to your friend," you admitted, pressing your smiley face on his chest. "he's really cool too, i understand why they like him."

"yeah, he is. but i guess my parents didn't mention the biggest party of their lives, right?"

"not that i remember. what is it?"

"our wedding."

you raised your head so fast that it surprised him. chan was laughing, meanwhile your blood pressure went crazy.

"that's not funny."

"what? don't want to marry me? that's quite offensive. it would be a great opportunity to tell everyone whom i belong to," he teased.

"of course i want to marry you, i just don't want to own you," you explained, leaving a small kiss on his neck.

"oh, you don't? i thought we talked about this before," his tone changed as he positioned you on his lap. chan cleaned the remaining tears off your face and pulled you closer.

"are we really doing this right now? with my face looking like this?"

"well, i mean, if you still want me."