#bloomwork

Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

Of all the breaches of trust, infidelity cuts closest to the bone. We have worked with many couples who have had a powerful motivation to repair the broken trust. They not only regained the pre-breach level of trust but attained an even higher level because of all the good repair work they did.

Let’s get vulnerable about vulnerability: Part 1.It’s the last thing we want to do, but it’s necessary if we want to resolve disagreements before they turn into nasty arguments. 

Why? Because the peace of understanding will only come as a result of the openness that arises out of our willingness to disarm ourselves of any defensiveness that we may be exercising. 

This requires us to give our partner (who probably looks more like an opponent at this point) the receptivity and honesty that we want him or her to give us.Interrupting the cycle of defensiveness can break long-standing destructive argumentative patterns. 

Check out our interview with Ryan Burch from the Solo 2.0 Podcast, where we share tips to resolve conflict in any interpersonal relationship. 

“You’re being defensive!”

If you‘ve ever been on the receiving end of these words, you know that the last thing you feel like doing is dropping your guard and opening your heart. Ironically, that’s exactly what the person delivering these words is trying to get you to do!

Defensiveness is a natural response to the perception of a physical or emotional threat. We can’t help but feel the impulse to protect ourselves under such circumstances, but with time and practice, we can learn to replace unskillful forms of self-protection with those that are most effective.

How closely do the photos you cherish match your current reality?

When our real-life situations don’t correspond to past memories, we may think that the relationship isn’t working. What’s more likely to be the case, is that the model that we’ve been operating from is no longer appropriate for the emerging needs of one or both partners.

All relationships go through many forms and structures during their lifetimes, and that’s OK! But when we put our relationships in a box and get too attached to what has been, we’re setting the stage for a possible disaster.