#bloo's rambles

I’m alive y’all- Am I staying for long? Idk- let’s see LMAO

Nah but really- A lot has happened over the last few months. I graduated college! I was recently hired and currently working on a short film that’s going in production in a few weeks! Uhh- I died in classes! A lot of cool things-

As for my motivation for art? It’s slowly getting back- My fixations are still the same, but I have been working on a lot of OC stuff.. Maybe one day I’ll finally get the courage to do a ref sheet. This year I do want to try art fight- but I may be a lot slower than usual. My motivation was burnt out during my last year of school soooo-

Lol I haven't posted face pics tho but thank you ♥️

My dermatologist says I have very good skin for my age but I have also been starting to notice some texture & like...not quite fine lines yet but the creases are starting to become more obvious especially as I move my face around.

Obviously I'm trying to take care of my skin as best I can and I'm happy I have much less damage than a lot of my peers who went to tanning salons / actually went outdoors regularly in their youth (lolol) but also idk I've been making more peace with maturing in my womanhood and aging. There's a ton of different pros and cons to it all but I've already gone thru multiple quarter life crisis's about it years ago lol. There's a lot more I could say about it it all but will cease my rambles here lol

This made me update my blog description to add "gentle mommy" lol, I know my about me post says I'm a switch (which is true) but I think I'm coming more and more to the realization that for this specific outlet/part of my life I get so much enjoyment on being the dominant/mommy type of the situation. I've been daydreaming a lot lately about a taking care of a pretty little daughter type lol (I'd be open to sons too, but am really in my era rn of wanting to act out my nurturing older sister/affectionate but firm mommy side especially on a younger woman because w me now having been thru some shit when I was younger and am now out the other side there is a part of me that I think would be healed by essentially passing on some of that wisdom/helping someone else w the lessons I already learned.... Okay I'm getting off topic now).

Anyways yeah, one thing to know is that even tho I reblog a ton of posts from a variety of povs, including from submissive povs (like someone saying "I want to get railed by a dom" etc), 99.99999% of the time I am enjoying them but am thinking about being the mommy/dominant one in the situation. A lot of time I want to tag those kinds of posts like "yes please but I'm the mom/the one doing the thing" but that is too much work/too exhausting to do all the time lol

To them, the fiction they consume creates their reality. Maybe the difference between me and them is that for me, fiction is an escape from reality where I can experience things I never would in real life, or even want to experience in real life. Even in regular, non-taboo fiction I can enjoy a toxic dynamic as one example, when a lot of people wouldn't. For me, it doesn't need to be something I morally align with for me to enjoy it. But that isn't the case for a lot of other people I am learning.

I 100000% understand the contents on my blog is extremely shocking and disturbing, especially if you are stumbling upon it as a regular person with no familiarity with these kinks at all. I get it 1000%. I know they judge me but I don't judge them for judging because I get it. That's why I don't argue with anyone and just delete/block and move on. I don't need or want to have to try to justify myself or argue with people especially over a subject like this, it's just not worth it and like, why would I even care about trying to convince anyone otherwise anyways? This is my private outlet, I am not hurting anyone, and I've already gone through years of shame and guilt before making peace with it and myself and no amount of trying to make me feel bad externally will change that.

See my thing is, I'm not hurting anybody, so I don't really feel bad? Like - who I am, and even to another degree, what I enjoy in real life sex physically is very different from this taboo kink fantasy side I post about here. I'm definitely not proud of it, and keep this part of me secret from people IRL because I know people wouldn't understand it though, but idk, imo it's also none of their business? You know?

In my opinion thoughts alone (which includes fantasisizing/fantasies) can NOT harm anyone EXCEPT for yourself. I could write a bunch more on what I think about these kind of taboo kinks being shared in text stories but I won't for both yalls and my sake lol (tl:dr, it's not terrible like everyone thinks and does more harm reduction than actual harm), and then of course any kind of visual involving these taboo kinks gets much more complicated ethically as well.

I'm not against turning dm's back on at some point, but for now it's set to mutuals only.

I have a bunch of reasons why I turned it off -

- biggest reason was I was inactive for a while, meaning my blog was mostly just daily queued posts (well it still is, but I've been around more often recently to add to my queue - but I digress) and I felt bad/awkward not responding to people for weeks if at all

- Other people I just didn't want to respond to, nothing against them or anything just like for ex lots of dom daddy types that maybe one day id be more interested in talking to but right now not, and I felt bad/awkward either never responding to them (either bc I wasn't here or just didn't feel like everyone was always entitled to my efforts) or rejecting them lol. With asks, I feel like there's less of an onus on responding back and forth super quickly, so I can come back to them later when/if I'm ready or feel like responding (if I ever do feel like it lol... I'm sorry 😭). It just feels less rude/awkward and also I feel like it puts a lot less pressure on me while also still allowing people to shoot their shot if they want to ya know?

- some stuff is also just like... Idk kinda hotter/better if you send it to me via an ask rather than a dm idk I will not explain this one further

- I also felt bad when someone was maybe a fit kinks wise but not a fit for my type physically.... Like I'm not THAT picky as I may seem honestly (if anyone really wants me to go in depth on this I can) but like, I'm here for the fantasy of it all you know, and i feel like if I'm going to spend effort with someone I'd rather wait for someone I'm like super into esp physically but also personality wise too

- I had some experiences on here where I did start to talk to people and then they pushed past boundaries which quickly became exhausting. But like, there are some subs who are very bratty type which is fine! (Although maybe not for me either? Idk) -- But I also feel like there are some subs who are basically masking as subs when they are really actually trying to dominate/control the situation themselves which is frustrating for me. Also, there were some that just became extremely needy and whiny very quick with no chill like omg I'd be gone for 4 days and would come back to somebody ive never talked to before in my inbox throwing a tantrum calling me mommyyyyy etc like I dont even know you what is happening 😭

- I also got kinda paranoid that message/DM stuff might lead me to getting banned quicker, like even when I would move to a session app for the people I DID talk to, I was kinda worried that some of the messages I got from others would also end up flagging my account in some system somewhere

- also when I AM here a lot of the times I'm kinda just here to goon and am also not like, in a super articulate headspace to begin with lolll which is another reason why I'm maybe being more picky/selective about who I wanna talk to. Or there would be some good convos I'd have but they were like so long and involved and then I felt like I had to avoid the app to avoid talking to them lol which sucks. I'm an introvert and usually here when I'm already trying to avoid IRL people so like having ppl here have expectations of me was a bit exhausting 😭

Idk I realize it's kinda putting ppl in a position where they never wanna reach out at all and I'm kinda okay with that for now, I realize I'm also kinda looking for a unicorn situation if at all anyways and like idk just don't wanna lead anyone on about stuff but even having to start off with saying all that is already energy and effort etc ya know lol