Why Don't We Have An HR Department?
Synopsis: The Assistant Coach of each team is quite literally confronting their adopted dads and/or teams about all the times theyāve nearly attempted to murder other players or nearly died due to unethical coaching practices.Ā
Authorās Note: NO BECAUSE I GET ITāS A CARTOON BUT WHY ARE MURDER ATTEMPTS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS? WHY DO NONE OF THESE TEAMS HAVE A HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT? THEY CLEARLY NEED ONE. But also, be prepared for the whiplash difference between Supa Strikas and Invincible United, I'm afraid I cooked a bit too hard with the Invincible United (my favoritism is showing), but IMO, Vince would be so offended that you'd ask him not to commit attempted murder. Also, I didn't add Dingaan because the writer's block was settling in.
Teams: Supa Strikas (here), Invincible United (here), Technicali (Upcoming), Iron Tank (Upcoming), Hydra FC (Upcoming), Nakama FC (Upcoming)
Assistant Coach Masterlist
āTHIS IS RIDICULOUS!ā Your voice reverberates around the room.
Depending on which team, either the players or your coach/adopted father (or BOTH) shrink in fear as your tone is raised to levels they had never heard before. The work that you had done at the Assistant Coachesā Retreat, a retreat that you and the other assistant coaches from the other team had planned at a nice secluded island spa to get away and de-stress from their teams, had all been undone in a matter of minutes upon your return. When you arrived, you demanded an explanation as to why the press were all clamoring in front of the buildingā¦what no one expected was for intense meltdown you were having, but you were sick of it. You were sick of your players putting other peopleās lives on the line, you were sick of your players putting their own lives on the line, and you were sick of your father for encouraging it or even helping it. All to kick points into a goal at the end of the day. Youāve heard of playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes, but where can the line be drawn between stupidity and danger?
ā(Y/n), you will NOT speak to your father that way!ā Your adopted father retorts.
āI WILL TALK TO YOU THIS WAY BECAUSE THIS IS ABSURD AND YOU CLEARLY WONāT STOP UNTIL SOMEONE CALLS YOU OUT! HONESTLY, HOW CAN YOU CALL THEM YOUR āTEAMā AND PUSH THEM TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS!?
SUPA STRIKAS
Everyone is taken aback by your outburst, especially Coach himself. After all, youāve looked up to your dad ever since he adopted you all those years ago, but every dangerous ācharacter-buildingā training attempt seems to have shattered the rose-colored glasses you saw him through. Once you compose yourself, you sound even-toned and professional. Matching the eerie calm stoicism of your father, you narrow your eyes at him and speak again, āThis isnāt normal. You shouldnāt be putting me or your players through this. Iāll give it to you, the other coaches are insane, but that doesnāt give you a pass to push them as hard as you do. I mean, what were you thinking? El Matador canāt even survive one day without his hair care product and blow dryer !... No offense.ā
āNone taken, mi amour.ā The pony-tailed forward assures, sashaying his fabulous hair to demonstrate. You turn back to your father, āI understand not wanting to baby them and that ātough loveā has always been your thing, but you seem to focus on the ātoughā part rather than the āloveā.ā
When you finish, Coach continues to stare at you. Shock was evident from behind his shades, but he then cleared his throat and adjusted his tie, āWell, this is the first Iām hearing such accusations. What do you think, boys? Do you agree with (Y/n)?ā
They all exchange uncertain looks with one another before staring at the two of you. While Coach is doing his best to compose himself, itās clear that heās radiating with anger at your accusation, but you donāt bother trying to hold back how upset you are. Upset at your father for his unethical practices, but more importantly, you were upset on their behalf.
āIn what world would they speak up against you, Dad? If you donāt have the common sense to see what youāre doing is wrong, then maybe you shouldnāt be coaching anymore.ā You scoff, your voice breaking as you hold back frustrated tears and push past your father. Leaving them all in stunned silence.
Shakes:
Shakes would be the first one to agree with you, just given his dadās past with soccer. Your words really resonated with him because his mom barely let him play soccer because of how dangerous it could be, but heās been treating it like a game until now.
ā(Y/n) has a point, guys. I mean, maybe we just havenāt noticed because weāve gotten so used to itā¦but it doesnāt mean itās okay.ā
Out of everyone on the team, Shakes has it REALLY bad for you, and seeing you upset like this makes him feel bad. It also makes him feel ashamed that he never said anything before. Heāll chase after you to make sure that youāre okay and to thank you for sticking up for all of them. When you hug him and tell him that you just want to keep him and the others safe, he hugs you back as well. The admiration that he has for you grows even bigger since then.
El Matador:
Shortly follows after Shakes with his usual dramatics, but he does genuinely agree with your argument. He also feels a bit guilty and complicit since heās very unserious about such things and always laughed it off.
āI also agree with (Y/n), do you know how many times my beautiful face couldāve been injured!? PERMANENTLY?!...But also, I donāt want anyone to get hurt, and (Y/n) shouldnāt have to bear the emotional labor of looking out for our well-being-ā
If youāre bummed out for a bit and he happens to run into you, he will applaud you to standing up to Coach and that he may be the ābrave El Matadorā but youāre truly the bravest one on the team. Might even offer to go on a spa day with you to try and destress from the argument with your father.
Dancing Rasta:
He would feel so responsible because, as the Captain, he feels as though he shouldāve called Coach out for this behavior a long time ago. He will agree that you were right to call your dad out, but apologizes because he knows how hard it mustāve been for you to do that, given how much you admire your father and that he shouldāve sided with you right away.
āI hope you know, (Y/n), youāre not just our assistant coach. Youāre our moral compass.ā
As a father himself, he would also try to be the middleman in getting you and Coach to talk to one another again. He hates seeing how miserable you two are without each other, but understands that it might be hard for you two to face each other again after that.
North Shaw:
Iām not gonna lie, North Shaw would be kind of tied since he LOVES himself some extreme sports, but he also definitely sees your point too. While he doesnāt outright say his exact thoughts, but he does cross his arms and nod in agreement with you because you brought up some pretty solid points.
āI mean, like, (Y/n) has a point about things being a bit too extreme. And thatās saying a lot coming from me, Coach.ā
Would definitely defend you if Coach struggled to understand your point, but would focus on helping you get your mind off the argument through something relaxing but still athletic enough to take your mind off of it. But also, he definitely thinks youāre the coolest person alive now.Ā
Blok:
Tbh, he also crosses his arms and silently nods in agreement with every word that you say because you are speaking facts. While heās a big and resilient guy, there have been some situations where he and his poor bears have suffered at the intense training Coach pushes on them.
*Brislovian grunts of agreement*
Would help North Shaw think of ways to comfort you but I think during the aftermath, heād hand you one of his bears to hug and cry into. If you do take the bear and shed a few tears, Blok will be your shoulder to cry on as he pats your back and comfortingly grunts to let you know how thankful he is for you and to praise you for standing up to your father.
Twisting Tiger:
Bless his heart, Twisting Tiger always wants to try and ease the tension. So he might make a joke about how thereās no gain if thereās no pain but a silent glare from you and your father quickly make him realize that this is no time for joking.
āI suppose we have been treating our safety very lightlyā¦and thatās not fair to you. Coach, (Y/n) is right, I wouldnāt be able to forgive myself if something happened to usā¦or them.ā
He gets nervous that you might want to quit Supa Strikas after this, but he also worries about the emotional turmoil youāve put yourself through for their sakes. Heād eventually find you on his own and give you a proper apology. When you hug him and tell him that it isnāt his fault, then he feels his fear of losing you lessens a bit more.
Cool Joe:
Heās, per usual, very cool and calm about the situation. Much like everyone else, heās realizing just how serious the training has gotten and that you DO have a really good point. Also, he knows this is so unrelated, but it makes him a little giddy to see you so protective of them as well.
āIāve always kept my cool, but (Y/n) has a point, sometimes goinā with the flow isnāt always the groovy option, and someoneās gotta speak up.ā
It gets harder for him to hide his affection for you, just seeing you so passionate about them has him feeling some kind of way, but now obviously isnāt the time. He has tons of good heartbreak records, so if you need to listen to your feelings, heās got you.
Klaus:
This poor, sweet man would try to say something to back you up, but then he would get HORRIBLY off track. Either way, his point still stands that youāre right in being upset and that he does agree with you.
āI have always felt safe with, (Y/n), but seeing them be mad like this makes me realize we havenāt been fair to her by making her worry about us all the time.ā
Shocks everyone with how profound he is in that moment, but they canāt deny that he is absolutely speaking facts.Ā
Coach:
In the aftermath, Coach is actually pretty shaken up because, despite his chaotic and zany methods of training, he is very protective of those that he loves. This would especially hurt coming from you that at first, he wouldnāt know how to respond and might not be proud of his initial reactionā¦but he slowly comes to see that youāre right.
āYou know, I made you my assistant coach for a reason. And you proved me right when you had the guts to call foul on your old man.ā
Heāll take into account of having safer but still effective methods of training. While he will consult this new training regimen with you, he understands that youāve been bearing the emotional labour for way too long and that itās his responsibility to see these changes through.Ā
INVINCIBLEĀ UNITED
Vince would immediately mock your concerns and not take them seriously in the slightest. He wants to belittle you, try to make you shrink, and everyone else on Invincible United just watches. Too under his thumb to step in, even though you could sense that they wanted to, but thatās fine. Youāve observed how Vince operates from a young age, you knew every single dirty cheat or sabotage he would pull out from his bag of tricks, and you learned to keep some of your own.
āItās just strategy, (Y/n). You should know that out of all people.ā Vince smirks, standing up from his spot as a way to intimidate you. You, however, donāt even react in the slightest as you glare into his dark eyes, āThereās a difference between strategy and attempted murder, Vince. Weāre running a soccer team, NOT A CRIMINAL EMPIRE IN CLEATS!ā
He eyes you up and down, searching for a weakness. You straighten your back and lift your chin, inviting him to look all he wants, but youāve been preparing for this moment for a while now. No one has ever yelled at Vince like this before, and he doesnāt like it. Especially when it was you who was doing the yelling, the adopted child he raised to win by any means necessary.Ā
āDo you know how UNGRATEFUL YOU SOUND, YOU BRAT? I taught you that you have to do WHATEVER it takes to win. But if youāve gone soft on me, maybe youāre not cut out to be on this team.ā Vince threatened. Skarra and the rest of the team all tensed, the thought of you being firedā¦or worse, now causing them to look at you and hope that you regain enough of your sanity to apologize while you still could. You do the opposite, āItās not that Iāve gotten soft, Vince. Youāve just gotten sloppy.āĀ
As you say that, you hold up your phone to reveal damning evidence of every single underhanded and dirty attempted at sabotage that Vince had ever been behind. Each one holds undeniable evidence of his connection and involvement. When the realization and horror dawns on Vinceās face, your own smirk that mirrors his grows on your lips as you pull your phone away, āIf you kick me off the team, I'll send this to the Super League. And if anything happens to me or my phone, I have plenty of hidden backups.ā
The shift of power is prevalent in the room as Vince stares from you to the rest of the team. Embarrassment, rage, and angerā¦and maybe even a bit of pride are all emotions that heās feeling.
āYou think Iām not cut out to be on the team, Vince? Thatās funny, because I think that youāre not cut out to lead it.ā You grin, walking away and leaving the room of men to stand in shock and with the weight of your words.
Skarra:
Skarra is in a very awkward place in this conflict, as heās always been Vinceās right-hand man. Even when he gave his spot as Captain to Dooma, Skarra still remained pretty loyal to Vince. However, he feels as though both you and he have formed a deep bond after putting up with your fatherās antics for so long, and he knows that somewhere along the line that he fell for you.
Like Vince, he would immediately downplay your concerns and try to dismiss them, all while keeping up his cocky persona. Telling you that itās just mind games and that all the teams do it to some degree, but he becomes nervous when faced with your steely glare.
āCute speech, (Y/n). Really dramatic. You shouldāve coached for theater instead of football.ā
āSkarra, I believe that you have the potential to be the best player in the league. But if you need to rely on trapdoors, magicians, and damn near attempted murder then I guess I was wrong.ā
ā...ā
He hates the way you can make him feel so guilty because when he looks back on it, youāve never taken anything away from him (unlike Vince). Instead, youāve always reminded him that he could be more than what Vince offered him. Torn between loyalty to Vince and his affection from you, Skarra will be in turmoil after the whole thing and try to talk you back into apologizing to Vince and trying to make up as soon as possible.
His biggest concern is that by standing up to Vince this way, youāre going to get hurt, and heāll tell you that. In his own way, obviously.
āDonāt get in his way, (Y/n). Itās not going to end well for you.ā
āAre you warning me or threatening me, Skarra?ā
ā...I donāt even know anymore.ā Just be careful, (Y/n).
Dooma:
His initial reaction is that he becomes incredibly miffed, thinking that youāve now magically grown a conscience, and think that youāre too good for them now. However, when he finally confronts you for it, he realizes that itās more than just you randomly getting on a high horse.
āHavenāt you ever thought we could be? Without Vince holding us back with his scams and lies all the time?ā
āAnd what exactly could we be, (Y/n)?ā
āAn actual team. No puppets. And no pupeteers.ā
-Dooma doesnāt respect people easily, but he respects you. If Skarra is Vinceās right-hand, then you can consider Dooma to be yours. It doesnāt really matter if you ask him to or not, because heās assigning that position to himself (much to Skarraās jealousy). He respects strength, and youāve got the kind of strength you donāt train for. While he was a bit flirtatious with you before the confrontation, he would be more of a silent protector afterwards. While he understands your initial distrust of him, that wouldnāt stop him from being there to support you.Ā
- When Vince tries to tear you down or embarrass you in meetings to put you in your place, Dooma will be there to agree with you and defend you. Hell, even during matches, heāll outright walk past Vince and ignore his advice. Heading straight towards you and asking you what you think their next steps should be, even calling you āCoachā just to mess with Vince a little.
- Dooma is far from being the most honorable guy in Invincible United, but considering that Vince only treats him like a weapon to be used on the field, while youāve always had the decency to treat him like a human being. A low bar, for sure, but it is Invincible United.Ā
- āIf youāre trying to build something different, I guess Iām in.Ā Just donāt make me regret it.ā
Vince:
After the confrontation, he can sense the uncertainty of his pawns- I mean, players. He doesnāt like that, he doesnāt like that you openly challenged him right in front of everyone on the team but he also feels an odd sense of pride as well. Youāre sharp, resourceful, and the players all seem to respect you in their own ways.Ā
But that respect is calling his authority into question and he simply canāt have that. So instead, heāll come to a ācompromiseā where heāll agree to your terms of not having such borderline murderous ploys that will make Invincible United look bad or possibly endanger the team. In reality, heās just going to make sure not involve you in his schemes going forward and heāll have the rest of the team help keep it from you. Heāll play the part of the patient father, but you know that itās a surface-level ploy and that your guard should be up from here on out.
Vince is facing a raging storm of emotions and while pride is one of them, he also feels a bit of anxiety. When he took you in, he took you in with the sole vision of having you be the successor to his empire that he made. Youāre supposed to be the heir to what heās built, not his critic.
When you two finally come to a ācompromiseā, aka, Vinceās attempt to try and placate you rather than actually trying to change, then it would be the perfect opportunity to casually drop the āDadā-word on him. Youāve never seen that manās smirk drop faster, nor have you seen his eyes look at you with such raging emotions.Ā
Regardless, Vince wants you to think that youāre getting what you want but you know better than to blindly take his word for it.Ā













