#bleujudgement

The first time was actually the first time you met. 

He was flirting with you, flustering you, making your soul thud incredibly loud. Wasn't... it a dare? Didn't he dare you to kiss him...? You honestly couldn't recall, but you remember the kiss. It was warm, intense. His arms were around you, and you could feel yourself leaning into him, wanting more. It was like nothing you'd ever felt before. A spark, but not even that could begin to describe it. It was more like a fire, slowly burning inside you. You don't tell him that was your very first kiss. It'd be too embarrassing.

The second time, it was raining. You tell him you didn't have an umbrella. That's okay... he didn't have one either. You both laugh, you don't mind getting wet. You grab his hand as you both walk, enjoying how soft his grip was. He was probably afraid you'd break, compared to him you're small. Fragile. You tell him it's alright to tighten his grip, your eyes now completely focused onto his. He stares... not speaking. Instead, he brings you into his arms and he kisses you directly on the mouth. 

This kiss is much gentler than the first, and more loving. His arms rest around you, he doesn't want to let you go. You decide to deepen the kiss a bit, and you smile; a kiss in the rain. It sounded cliche and you want to laugh... but you can't. He's still kissing you, but you are happy.

Third time's a charm.

This time, both of you are sitting on the couch, facing each other. You decide to crawl into his arms and sit, draping your arms around his neck. You looked at him intently, watching but not saying a word. You can feel your soul thrumming wildly inside of your chest. And for a faint moment, you thought you felt his. 

"I love you." He says.

His voice is soft, filled with sleepiness and adoration as he gazes at you. A dreamy smile forms on his mouth, and he waits for your reaction. 

You look at him, all choked up because you never thought you'd find someone who loves you. No one who's as kind and caring and handsome as him. You can't even speak, but there is one thing you do. You kiss him, eagerly, passionately. And once you're done, you pull away and lean in, your voice breathless and filled with joy.

"I love you too."

... the fourth time, you've had a panic attack.

You couldn't remember how it'd gotten this bad. One second, you were in a music store with him and the next... you heard a familiar voice. Someone who was long gone, but not from your mind. The DJ's face flashes in front of your face, and you thought you heard him speak again. You aren't sure, sounds are fuzzy. Your chest tightens, your breathing quickens.Tears began spilling from your sockets, your legs feel like lead. You're stuck, trapped, listening to the DJ's fuzzy voice.

Hands wave in front of you. You feel yourself being lifted up, and you find yourself trying to breathe normally. It's him... he's back in front of you now, not the one you couldn't save. The fuzziness begins to fade... and then... you hear it.

"Cinna?? Hey, baby, please! Look at me, can you hear me? Everything's going to be alright."

You cling to him, body trembling, more tears falling as you try to ride out the attack. Pretty soon, it ends. You thank him repeatedly, telling him you're sorry. That it happens sometimes and you can't control it. Sorry that you're br----he stops you, kissing you as softly as he can. Any panicky thoughts you've had vanished, all you can think about... is him. Your savior. 

The fifth time was the best so far.

You could see the light shining in his eyes when you asked, tears streaming steadily down his cheeks. You were crying too, but thankfully both of you were happy. You stand up and rush forward to place the ring on his finger. He grabs you, but you aren't really sure who kissed who first.