#blesildaa

"You wake up and you're doing exactly what you want to do. You're living your passion... I wake up and go to a desk job, and if the joy I get from that job is having the money to afford a trip to Paris, I'll take it. But you don't need that because you already have that joy in what you're doing."

I am earning more than before, sure. But what struck me was that I don't seem to have either kind of joy.

“SOMETIMES I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I SHOULD BE DOING I’VE BEEN WORKING SO DAMN LONG ON FINDING SOMETHING WORTH A DAMN”

This time last year, I watched We Aren’t Kids Anymore with my friend. At that time, I was convinced that in five months, I was finally going to have my break — My Great Perhaps. I thought that after all the overthinking, all the sleepless nights, and all the moments of feeling lost, I would finally get out of On The Edge. I was so confident that I’d eventually get out of this cycle of feeling stuck.

Yung tipong hindi ko na kailangang tanungin sarili ko ng, "What the hell am I doing with my life?"

But apparently, akala ko lang pala.

A year later, and somehow, I’m still standing in the exact same place emotionally. Still confused. Still trying to survive days that feel repetitive and uncertain. Still carrying questions I thought I would’ve answered by now.

Hayyy, Lord. Sorry na kung ang gulo ko. Tagal kong pinag-pray ito, ’tas nung binigay Mo na, di pa rin ako masaya. Buti na lang andiyan Ka to guide me. Baka lalo akong mabaliw kung wala Ka.