#blemished

~ Liquid Persian ~

Spring 2017

Blemished by Andy Guthrie

The past few years have put us through some changes, with corresponding changes in our ways. Andy Guthrie is no different. Previously, on records like Gyropedie and Codiaeum Variegatum, the San Francisco-based acoustician has processed combinations of French horn and field recordings into richly textured concentrations of sound. Blemished, which was recorded in 2020-2021, retains those options, but also adds a new medium to Guthrie’s artistic kit bag — songs. Highly lyrically specific and sung in the artist’s high, clear voice, they introduce a more direct mode of expression, which is applied to deeply personal ends.

Crushed by invisible foe

Sweetened talk, cherry on lip, icecream is love, melting in virus times, no place to kiss, chafed mouths, not food’s morsel, thirst for love, hearts pinning, eluded by distance, quest for space never looked painful, welcome to blemished relations, imperfect world, where reason overpowers the heart, it shall never listen, yet crushed by invisible foe, strange are the…

I was never the girl that knew the latest beauty secrets or trends or did much in the way of staying current on my skincare regimens. But I was also never the girl that struggled with acne in my adolescent years. If I remembered to wash my face, great! If I didn’t, no big deal! And then 2016 came along, gave me a swift kick in the pants, and served me a big ole dish of humble pie right to the face (literally.) It almost seemed like overnight I had become riddled with adult acne. At the time, I had been out of college in my first post-graduate job for about a year and a half. It was a high-stress job that required a lot of time and travel that left me little time to exercise or eat correctly. I was confused, embarrassed, and honestly angry. I now had to deal with my vanity – something that was never a high priority for me. I was buying make-up I didn’t know how to use to cover up acne that I didn’t know how to deal with, which only aggravated my skin and me more.

As soon as I realized this was more than just a random breakout and was going to be a long-term problem, I started to research what might be causing this sudden rebellion. My quick Google search yielded the following possibilities:

1) Change in Hormones (I decided to stop taking my birth control about 4 or 6 months prior to the start of my skin’s demise, so this definitely seemed like a real possibility to the change in my skin since a large part of the brand of birth control I had been taking for almost a decade was a synthetic form of progesterone aka hormones. But it is now four years later, and things are about the same.)

2) Food Allergies (My whole life I had eaten pretty much whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because I am the human version of a garbage disposal, so I was not so sure this was the reason. I had read several articles and seen firsthand from friends and family that you can absolutely develop a food allergy later in life, but I was pretty skeptical this was my problem since the only side effect I was experiencing was my sloppy looking skin and not any GI problems others had faced.)

3) Diet (In referencing the above, my diet could definitely stand to see a few changes. Whose couldn’t? But at the time, I was not willing nor was I financially or realistically capable of doing a major diet overhaul in the form of whole foods, paleo, etc. I also felt like I ate enough of the good stuff to counteract the bad.)

4)Stress (My job at the time was extremely stressful, but I had been about a year and a half into it, so why now? Why this sperm?!**)

**Reference to Legally Blonde. IYKYK.

5) Medications (See #1)

6) Bacteria (No shit.)

7) Clogged Pores (Again…no shit.)

Several drug store “dermatologist-recommended” face washes and face masks later, I decided this issue needed professional grade assistance. I consulted a dermatologist who diagnosed me with adult acne (ok, duh) and was prescribed Doxycycline, Epiduo Forte, and Clindamycin. Within a week I saw my skin transform back to a façade that was familiar to me, but after a couple of months I was back to being a total pizza face. I had to stop the Doxycycline because it is not intended for long-term use, and once my skin figured out a way to rage against the topical machines, my wallet could no longer figure out a way to pay for them.

To recap, I got bad adult acne out of nowhere at the end of 2016, tried to troubleshoot on my own for most of 2017, went to a dermatologist at the beginning of 2018, temporarily fixed my face for a VERY pretty penny through middle of 2018, and now here we are.

By Summer of 2018, my face had started to regress a little with bouts of bad acne every now and then, but it still was not anywhere close to being clear or back to “normal.” On top of that, I was now dealing with the aftermath of my adult acne – scarring, pockmarks, an uneven complexion, and dark spots. The silver lining in all of this was that I had just started a new job that was going to help me correct my very out of whack work-life balance. 

The start of a new job paired with the fact that I was going to be in my brother’s wedding in less than a year made me more determined than ever to nip this thing in the bud. I sure as Hell was not going to be the one to ruin the wedding photos with my Freddy Krueger looking face! From Summer of 2018 until my brother’s wedding in the Summer of 2019, I got a facial once every three weeks, upped my skincare routine with top of the line products, and addressed my scarring by completing several microneedling treatments. (A big thank you to my credit card for the abuse it endured during this time.) I was looking something FIERCE! But alas, all good things must come to an end, and once my brother’s wedding was over so was my obsession in making sure I had flawless skin. I was still taking care of it, but I was no longer getting my monthly facials or repurchasing the entire line of Skinceuticals every few months. My skin seemed to be doing well and maintaining a clear enough complexion. I was still seeing an occasional flare-up, but it was not as bad as it had been, which brings me to the present year –  2020. The year that will be synonymous to many as the year of Coronavirus. But to me, it will be the year my acne came back with a vengeance.  

So, if you have made it this far, you may be asking yourself what is the point of this blog? What am I aiming to accomplish here? My purpose is multi. After suffering from what has seemed like a never-ending acne nightmare, I didn’t want my struggles to be for not. I wanted to show what struggling with acne really looks like for a common person. I had been toying with the idea about documenting my journey with skincare for a while. Over the last few years, I have looked to A LOT of “beauty bloggers” for advice on skincare, and the common trait they all shared was that they seemed to already have perfect skin. I am sure people like me are out there, but I had yet to come across a blog or Instagram account that featured someone with skin that was riddled with pimples rather than porcelain. And don’t get me wrong! The maintenance of skin once you hit your stride is equally as important as getting it cleared up! But I had never seen someone document their skin from breakouts to brilliant. That is what I hope to do here. 

For anyone who is struggling with similar issues and cares to follow along, I hope I can be a resource or at the bare minimum, a comfort. But really, more than anything, I want this to serve as a way to keep myself accountable to really nail down the root cause of my skin’s suffering. I want this blog to serve as somewhat of a mix between a time capsule and a daily journal of my face. I want to be able to look back and point to a time where my skin looks horrific and be able to say “well I ate like a monster and was on my period, so no wonder I broke out” or be able to pinpoint a time where my face was PERFECT and say “oh yeah – I used xyz product and ate this and was at this point in my life – no wonder it looks like a dream!” So here is my plan. Every day (or every day that I can remember), I intend to document the following:

1) A Picture of My Face (Up close and personal without a filter)

2) Daily Food Intake (I suspect this is going to be the hardest part)

3) My Menstrual Cycle (Hey, if we are going to really do this thing, we have to consider each and every factor!)

4) My Workouts 

5) Daily Skincare Routine (I know *major eye roll*. But let me clarify! This is NOT going to be your average beauty blogger’s blog. I am not trying to get sponsored or get a million followers here. I simply want to share, in real time, what is and is not working for my skin while also documenting as many other contributing variables as possible. If this ends up being helpful for just ONE other person who has had a similar experience to my own, the purpose of this blog will have been fulfilled! And to be honest, I really love my job, so this is more of a passion project anyways.)

6) Daily Water Intake

7) Miscellaneous Variables (Basically any other significant variable that I think may be contributing to my skin’s behavior like lack of sleep, air travel, or sun exposure)

In keeping track of these things, I hope to take a deeper dive into some of the causes of adult acne I listed earlier in this post to see if any are major contributors to my skin’s condition. Who knows what I will do or find along the way! Maybe I will finally take a food allergy test only to learn that I am gluten intolerant and that’s why my face is a mess. Case closed!

For anyone who reads this, I hope you view this blog as genuine and transparent. I am a NORMAL person with REAL skin problems (as shown in the pictures to come.) If you have advice or questions, bring ‘em on! I am not a professional, but I will try to help if I can or at least point you in the right direction. Until next time.

Blemished but Beautiful,