#bleebug

Liam would say she acts identical to how he was at this age.

“Perhaps I am awake then Starfish.” He murmurs snapping one eye open. “The question is why are you? The sun’s not even up.” He asks, maneuvering out of his hammock. In one swift movement he grabs his daughter, making her shriek and laugh as he tickles her.

“Do you feel that?” Alice asks between laughs. He stills, trying to understand what she felt.

A shiver crawls up his spine.

“It’s cold.” She announces with a smile.

“Oh?” He replies, already knowing where her mind is going. “And what does that mean darling?”

He smiles grows wider. “Christmas Papa.” She insists, like it’s completely obvious. “Christmas is coming!”

//

Considering Alice was trapped in the tower, Killian always tries to come up with ways to keep her happy and entertained. He hates that every day was so monotonous for her so he decided to come up with as many special days as possible. They had a holiday for just about anything he could think of. Some days were Mr. Rabbit birthdays.

(He was from Wonderland so he had birthdays several times a year according to 5 year old Alice.)

Other days were silent days, where they tried their best to be as absolutely quiet as possible. An extra hour is added to her bedtime is added if Alice won.

There was a Tea Day, Pirate Day, Papa’s Day, Daughter’s Day, Marmalade Day, anything she could think of, he tried his best to make happen.

However, of all the holidays they had, Christmas had to be Alice’s favorite.

She’d read about it in a book when she was young, a holiday from a realm Killian himself had never visited and became absolutely obsessed with it. Therefore they had to celebrate it as well. Killian would never pass up an opportunity to make Alice happy. So he did a bit of research on ‘Christmas’ through a bunch of stories and fables.

“When do you think Christmas will be here?” Alice asks jumping up and down. They’d decided that Christmas was the day that snow fell around their tower, usually occurring a few weeks after it starts to get cold.

Killian shrugs. “It’ll get here when it gets here.” He assures her. “In the meanwhile, why don’t you get me your favorite book, and I’ll make us some tea?” He asks.

Killian isn’t surprised at all when the book she picks is a Christmas book.

Within the next few weeks, Killian plans for the special holiday, trying to find the best things to make Alice really enjoy it.

First off, he’d found a new set of books, a brand new chess set (as they had several missing pieces, slowly being replaced by random do-dads they found) and best of all, he’d found a sorceress who would make a charm to let it snow inside for a bit.

Secondly, he’d found a tree big enough for Alice to decorate, but small enough that he could haul it up to her in the tower. It wasn’t exactly a pine like in all the books, but Alice always loved their make-shift Christmas tree.

It wasn’t exactly practical, but Killian would gladly clean up puddles of waters if it meant Alice got to really feel snow for once.

It would be absolutely perfect.

“I’m almost done with your present Papa!” Alice says smugly, ink smeared on her cheeks and splattered on her dress.

“Oh really?” he asks. She nods excitedly. “I’m sure I’ll love it.” He says taking off his jacket and putting it on its hook. The tower seems warmer than it should. However, he notices Alice wrapped up in her favorite wool blanket.

“Feeling alright sweetheart?” He asks. He always worries over the possibility of Alice getting sick. He knew from experience that neither healer, nor a midwife would dare come near the tower. There was a bug going around in town, so he’d hate to transfer it to his girl.

Alice nods. “Of course Papa.” She confirms. He places his hand on her forehead and feels her temperature. She feels perfect.

“Are you alright Papa?” She asks.

Killian nods. “Of course.” However, maybe he was a little tired from the walk from the village, he’s usually fine, but Killian wasn’t as young as he used to be. He knew he was aging, saw the streaks of white in his hair, he’d jokingly blame Alice for it, her and her tendency to climb on the shelves as a toddler.

Perhaps he just needs more sleep. He’d feel better in the morning.

//

Perhaps he was fine then, but the next morning, he felt a bit less than fine. His throat felt soar and talking just made it worse. He also had a splitting headache.

Also, when had it gotten so cold in the tower?

Getting up that morning, Killian felt every day of his 300 years and it was awful. He could barely remember the last time he felt this way, sure he knew he was getting older, naturally older, but still. Despite it, he got breakfast ready for Alice before she woke up. Today was the day Alice finished making her decorations and he’d go haul the tree up to her.

“Papa? You don’t look so good.” She points out; a frown on her face.

“I’m fine Starfish.” He assures her. She shakes her head, bounds up to him and places her small hand towards his face. She pulls back sharply.

“Papa, you’re really, really hot.” She points out. “Your eyes are red and you sound funny.”

He shakes his head. “I’m fine Al, don’t worry, just didn’t get much sleep last night.” It’s a lie, he had been surprisingly tired the night before, had gone to bed nearly immediately after Alice.

She doesn’t seem so sure, watching him quizzically (reminding him of Liam with that look of theirs) until he finishes making her breakfast; oatmeal with blueberries. Once she has her food, she is completely enwrapped in her food.

She doesn’t at all notice Killian check on the make shift pulley on the tower, nor descend down the tower far slower than usual. Killian’s coughing and wheezing by the bottom, feeling completely drained by the effort.

Perhaps there’s possibly a problem. Killian thinks to himself, leaning against the cool stone. Perhaps Papa isn’t truly invincible. He shakes his head.

He has to get the tree, it’s only a ways away; he reminds himself. The last thing Killian wants to do is disappoint his daughter on Christmas. Alice waits all year long for this day, for these events. After all Alice is prevented from doing, Killian refuses to be the cause of any more pain.

So he does what he has to do, he pulls himself forward to find the perfect tree and get it to his Starfish.

//

Perhaps it would have been best to get a smaller tree. Killian muses. He’d imagined it smaller.

Or he’s just getting old and frail and sick. Captain Hook could lug two of these trees double the size without breaking a sweat. Killian thinks bitterly. It’s a toxic line of thinking, but he just can’t help it. He can barely move after lugging it through the entire forest on his back, now the idea was using the pulley to bring it up the tower…

He looks around, then up at his daughter’s worried face.

“Are you ok Papa?” She calls.

He’s fine. He can do this.

Killian secures the tree tightly with various knots and loops, and then begins pulling the rope. He has it secure around his hook, using his entire body to haul the tree up. It’s a slow long process but not an unusual one. He does this occasion when he gets large amounts of supplies from the local village. Those were often heavier than this tree.

He’s nearly at the top, so close; he can see Alice’s smiling face. He can imagine her dancing and laughing around the tree as they decorate it, humming lyrics to songs they’ve never heard; making up the tunes as they go along.

Killian can see Alice pressed against the barrier, trying to reach out and help the tree along, its so close.

He doesn’t know if it’s the exertion, or the cold that causes it, but then he starts to cough. It was the body jerking kind of cough. It was all it took for him to lose his focus and the tie around his hook to slip off.

He didn’t even need to look up to know what the terrible crash he heard was from. His heart practically shattered in his chest as he saw the perfect little tree reduced to splinters by a mere slip of the hand.

Alice was looking down at them looking absolutely devastated.

“I’m so, so sorry Al.” He calls up to her. “I’ll go find another one!” He assures her, already thinking where he could go to find a better tree. It was a bit farther but he could do it, he coul- He was interrupted again by a wave of coughing that shook him to the core.

“Papa!” Alice shouts, he can see her banging on the barrier, each hit making the magic appear briefly. “Come home.” She insists.

“The tree-“

“Come home.” She says sternly.  “Please Papa.”

Killian could never resist a ‘Please Papa.’ So he does make the climb, during which, he almost loses his balance a few times, almost becomes a pile of splinters himself.

He staggers inside, gasping and grateful for the tower’s warmth. Alice collided into him, making him lose his balance.

“I’m so sorry Alice.” He insisted. “I can go back and get another tree; we can still have a great Christmas.” He didn’t want to disappoint her. He couldn’t bare it.

But Alice shook her head smiling. “You’re sick Papa.” She reminds him.

“I’m fine Al.”

“Papa, you always tell me that no matter how much I deny it, the truth is the truth.” She says, sounding way too smart for her own good. “You need to rest. We can have a great Christmas without a tree.”

He could see her mind already racing. “Are you sure?” He asks again.

She nods, pushing him towards her bed.

“Alice, I have my own bed I can…” But she was insistent, even at 10 years old.

“You need a proper rest if you’re going to get better. I’ll take the hammock, I’m a big girl Papa.” Perhaps it was a testament to how badly he was feeling that he let his ten year old take care of him. He let her help him with his coat, and tuck him into bed.

It reminded him so much of her namesake.

Killian doesn’t remember closing his eyes. He just remembers opening them and seeing, where there once was a list of chores painted on the walls, now was a painting of a large Christmas tree in various shades of green.

(He had a feeling she did that on purpose)

//

He could barely move the next day, his breathing was worse, and according to Alice he felt hotter than the day previous.

Alice to her credit, refused to let him out of the bed, she made him tea and marmalade sandwiches.

“We’re going to get you all better Papa.” She insists, as he lays back and watches her decorate her tree. Her hand made ornaments secured with pins and glue. Garland made from paper and paint rather than cranberries as they were far too heavy for the pins and the glue. “And we can still have Christmas.”

He smiles and laughs at how much fun Alice is having. He thinks perhaps he hasn’t ruined everything.  By the time Alice is finished, the tree looks absolutely beautiful.

He knows he’s too sick to go back into town for the new chess set, but at least he has the charm and the books, Alice can play in the snow right here inside and she could read the books while he cleaned up the water. Killian knows she’ll love it.

“How are you feeling Papa?” Alice asks after a bit, “I can warm up some broth.” She offers.

He shakes his head, he feels fine. He feels perfect here with Alice…

“Papa, you’re still really hot.” She sounds worried, but Killian can’t imagine why. Milah comes over, tucking Alice close to her.

“He’ll be fine Alice, he just needs rest.” She assures her. But Alice doesn’t look satisfied.

“Milah?” He calls. For some reason he doesn’t think Milah should be here, but he can’t remember why. She’s as beautiful as ever, looking every bit The Pirate Queen.

“Milah’s not here Papa.” Alice assures him. “Papa, it’s just the sickness talking, you need to tell me what to do to make you better.

“Just let him rest sweetheart, your father will be fine with a little rest.” Milah says, she takes his hand and holds it tight, he doesn’t want to let go. He’s so tired all of a sudden… “You’ve raised a beautiful young girl Killian.”

“Just let me rest Alice, Milah is here…she’ll watch over me…” He repeats. Milah never used to leave his side. Back before…before….

“She looks so much like you, she’s strong and resourceful, she can handle anything the world throws at her.” Killian nods in agreement.

“Where’ve you been Milah?” He asks, because seeing her here reminds him how much he’s missed her.

“Just watching over you my love. You’ve suffered for so long, but finally you found peace haven’t you?” He shakes his head. There is no peace, not in this tower, not without being free…

“Papa? She’s not here. Papa. You need to stay awake and tell me what to do…” Alice says, she sounds frantic, but he can’t imagine why…

“Then let’s be free Killian.”

“Papa?”

“Papa!”

//

Killian is cold when he wakes. And wet. It’s an odd sensation if he’s being honest.

“Papa?” He blinks and it takes a moment to open his eyes.

It’s dark out. He didn’t remember it getting so dark. He blinks again and he sees Alice’s face in his view, she’s putting something on his head, it’s we and dripping, but also strangely solid…like…snow?

“Starfish?” He responds. She’s drenched, bundled up in his pirate jacket. Her eyes are red and tear streaked. But she’s smiling now.

“Are you with me Papa?” she asks.

“Where else would I be?” Because Killian doesn’t exactly understand what happened, how did it become night time and why is there snow in the tower?

However, he sees the blue charm around Alice’s neck and the reality hits him suddenly. “You were burning up.” Alice insists. She sounds hurried and scared. “I’m sorry for riffling through your things, but I didn’t know what to do, you were talking to Milah and then Liam and then even someone named Swan…”

His fever must have been really high if he was talking to birds…

“I found this and it was so cold, but when I touched it there was Snow everywhere!” She admits with a grin. He could only imagine the face she had when she saw it. “I used it to cool you off. I’m sorry, I know you were saving it for something, you must have been for it to be in your super-secret pocket of your jacket…”

“How did you know about that?”

Alice rolls her eyes. “You used to hide candy in there Papa, of course I found it.” His clever girl.

“I’m so sorry Alice, that was supposed to be one of your Christmas presents.” He admits. “The other is in my other jacket pocket.” He explains because if the charm was ruined, at least she could have the books.

“You mean these Papa?” Alice asks, picking up a wet stack of books, edges ruined by water; because of course that had to get ruined too. “It’s alright Papa only some of the bages got damaged, we can write in all the missing words. They’ll be our own stories!” She says excitedly, practically beaming.

His beautiful girl, always trying to see the best of every situation, he smiled at her optimism.  “I thought you deserved to have a day in the snow for once, but you had to use it to help me, I destroyed the tree and your presents are back in town…” He trails off. He’d ruined everything.

Alice shakes her head.

“Papa the only thing I need to have a good Christmas is you.” She says burrowing into him. “I was so scared that you wouldn’t wake up Papa, that I’d be alone. You being my Papa is the only thing I need.” Killian hugged her back, bringing his precious daughter close.

“You’re the only thing I need to Starfish.” He assures her.

“Do you think I can give you my present?” She asks with a hesitant voice. He nods.

“Of course darling.”

Alice goes to the shelf, fumbling to climb to a hidden nook she keeps; and pulls out a box, wrapped with her drawings and tied with a string. She places it in his lap.

Killian tries to be careful; keeping his snow drenched hands from damaging any of her pictures and carefully unwraps it.

It’s their chess set, but all the pieces are there. “Did you find the missing pieces?” He asks in surprise, picking up a black rook which he knew for a fact had been missing for months.

“Nope.”

He feels it in his hand and then he realizes. “You made it out of clay.” He turns it over, seeing her name etched in the bottom.

“The knight was the hardest one, but I like how it came out.” She insists. He picks that up as well, a white one this time. She’s right; it looks remarkably similar to its counterpart.

“Merry Christmas Papa.”