Jan 5
this is my favorite youtube comment
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this is my favorite youtube comment
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i have a coworker who does great work and is mostly nice but is very negative. they remind me a lot of myself, the self i am trying to no longer be. the other day i heard them say "i always assume the worst, because then when things turn out badly i'm not disappointed, but when things turn out fine i get to be surprised", and it's of course work inappropriate and i would never say this to them unless they asked or we somehow got on the topic, but i wish i could impart to them that i used to have this mentality and it almost killed me.
you have to have hope. you have to be willing to look for the good things or you will forget what they look like. or by the time you recognize them, they are gone. or, if you do recognize it in time, your body and mind are so accustomed to hypervigilance (because let's be real this kind of cynicism is borne of risk aversion often due to ptsd, speaking from experience) that you cant feel joy, only relief. that 'surprise' is still a kind of anxiety response, still a kind of being caught off guard that circuitously perpetuates the hypervigilance: youre always assuming something will turn out badly, which puts you on high alert for trouble/conflict/risk etc; if it ends up being okay, there's the tension of waiting for the other shoe to drop, that there must be some caveat/something you missed, or it results in an anxiety in spontaneously losing the stressor.
terms like 'mindfulness' and 'gratitude' get overused by very annoying people but generally that's what these concepts are trying to address. everyone talks about how people thought they were smarter than everyone else and 'saw things for what they really were' and it turned out that they were just depressed; i think there should be more discussion about how many times a person is not smarter or more perceptive or aware, they more often than not are just experiencing hypervigilance.
even if i could tell my coworker this i doubt they would be receptive to it if they are anything like me. because this shit used to piss me off especially in the thick of my depression, i'd recall all the times where i clearly saw danger coming and the people around me didnt, and i got to feel the confirmation bias of assuming shit would go down and then it did. and again yeah i feel like theres a temptation to conflate anything less than cynicism as a kind of naivete (especially in our current climate of everything) but i promise you that you have to at least in personal or domestic affairs be willing to entertain the idea that sometimes things can turn out okay. if you dont, then they never will.
Savory food stimboard!
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I really wish I knew more about the combiners bc a mecha pilot AU with a human "gestalt" piloting voltron style would be *so* interesting
get yourself a mech so big it takes five-six brains to move it right
plus it would be weird for a cybertronian to meet what seems to be one person with five-six people shoved inside them
going to prague
of course, this is the weekend two awesome social things pop up here in berlin that iβm gonna miss. oh fucking well
at sudkreuz like an hour early letβs gooooo
first summer weekend in central europe, t shirt weather, brilliant sunshine, trees in full leaf in that very new way that looks a little bit wet and bashful
two tiger lillies shows. i donβt travel for the tiger lillies on the regular but theyβre a perfectly good excuse to pull the trigger on a long weekend
and a lot of free time to wander around
drop recs in replies? (itβs four hours away, i already know about like the castle)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
"Nicer Nowhere" is the name i've settled on for my current setting, though i've been struggling to muster the enthusiasm for this i used to be able to (not once did it ever feel enough). Still...
The plane of Yolsthro functions much like SR' artificial afterlife, in that people arrive there from elsewhere as disembodied souls, immortal and freed from physiological needs but now malleable through thought alone. In theory it should be more open, by virtue of me not tying its origins and/or development to a 'real world'
The... most reductive i can describe it is slather Tsutomu Nihei's impossibly huge vistas in a (primarily) Zdzislaw Beksinski coat of paint. It's kind of a gloomy place, for the most part
unfortunately i can never not be deeply fond of a group of white brits for an extended period of time and im afraid that directly following/concurrent with my nrb phase im 30 hours deep into shoot from the hip
I think Trent Reznor in the Burn music video is my best way to explain how I feel. Especially that fuckass frame