Jan 5
this is my favorite youtube comment
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this is my favorite youtube comment
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i have a coworker who does great work and is mostly nice but is very negative. they remind me a lot of myself, the self i am trying to no longer be. the other day i heard them say "i always assume the worst, because then when things turn out badly i'm not disappointed, but when things turn out fine i get to be surprised", and it's of course work inappropriate and i would never say this to them unless they asked or we somehow got on the topic, but i wish i could impart to them that i used to have this mentality and it almost killed me.
you have to have hope. you have to be willing to look for the good things or you will forget what they look like. or by the time you recognize them, they are gone. or, if you do recognize it in time, your body and mind are so accustomed to hypervigilance (because let's be real this kind of cynicism is borne of risk aversion often due to ptsd, speaking from experience) that you cant feel joy, only relief. that 'surprise' is still a kind of anxiety response, still a kind of being caught off guard that circuitously perpetuates the hypervigilance: youre always assuming something will turn out badly, which puts you on high alert for trouble/conflict/risk etc; if it ends up being okay, there's the tension of waiting for the other shoe to drop, that there must be some caveat/something you missed, or it results in an anxiety in spontaneously losing the stressor.
terms like 'mindfulness' and 'gratitude' get overused by very annoying people but generally that's what these concepts are trying to address. everyone talks about how people thought they were smarter than everyone else and 'saw things for what they really were' and it turned out that they were just depressed; i think there should be more discussion about how many times a person is not smarter or more perceptive or aware, they more often than not are just experiencing hypervigilance.
even if i could tell my coworker this i doubt they would be receptive to it if they are anything like me. because this shit used to piss me off especially in the thick of my depression, i'd recall all the times where i clearly saw danger coming and the people around me didnt, and i got to feel the confirmation bias of assuming shit would go down and then it did. and again yeah i feel like theres a temptation to conflate anything less than cynicism as a kind of naivete (especially in our current climate of everything) but i promise you that you have to at least in personal or domestic affairs be willing to entertain the idea that sometimes things can turn out okay. if you dont, then they never will.
Savory food stimboard!
🧀/🍗/🍔
🍜/🧀/🍞
🍟/🥐/🧀
I really wish I knew more about the combiners bc a mecha pilot AU with a human "gestalt" piloting voltron style would be *so* interesting
get yourself a mech so big it takes five-six brains to move it right
plus it would be weird for a cybertronian to meet what seems to be one person with five-six people shoved inside them
going to prague
of course, this is the weekend two awesome social things pop up here in berlin that i’m gonna miss. oh fucking well
at sudkreuz like an hour early let’s gooooo
first summer weekend in central europe, t shirt weather, brilliant sunshine, trees in full leaf in that very new way that looks a little bit wet and bashful
two tiger lillies shows. i don’t travel for the tiger lillies on the regular but they’re a perfectly good excuse to pull the trigger on a long weekend
and a lot of free time to wander around
drop recs in replies? (it’s four hours away, i already know about like the castle)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I think Trent Reznor in the Burn music video is my best way to explain how I feel. Especially that fuckass frame
On the subject of improving my mood by thinking about things that make me happy this new Young Sherlock show is much better than I was expecting,
LOVING the way they’re developing Moriarty as a person beyond “evil genius because I can~” like, giving him humanity—grief and compassion and humor and a very righteous anger—and then watching him taste blood for the first time oof *chefs kiss* that the good stuff
Sherlock’s ARO/ACENESS
“what do you feel?”
“what am i supposed to feel?”
“what do you want to feel?”
“…I want to feel… what I’m supposed to feel.”
MY HEART.
and MR HOLMES’ RJENEBEUCBEVWHAJJKIKAAHGHAUGH
GASLIGHTING
the way Sherlock’s memories blip and re-write themselves to match what his father says happened and then replay both ways while he tries to figure out what the truth is—i have never seen that process portrayed so well visually. the confusion and disorientation and fear I am eating tinfoil over here.
was it casual when u had the opportunity to travel the multiverse and u took the pig with you