#blackribbons

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Why the subject is black ribbons? It simbolize the death of a person or just a loss, the ribbons simbolize two ends, on a end we can relate death (suicide), and the other can be (loneliness, shallow, hollow, etc…) So with this said, I just want to talk here on tumblr, because if I speak to my parents or friends, they will think “well, someone is getting locked on psyched” Not so long ago, I posted here that I wanted to commit suicide, yes I was having rough days (still do) but the difference now is that I gained more selfcontrol and will to become someone better, my problem is that I hate most of the people that suround me, and the outside people, for me its super easy to read body language and to tell when someone just wants to hurt and use me (and I still let them do it) its pointless to fight an idea that most people have in their minds, the thought is (they can change, I can help them change, maybe they will suprise me with something good) and most of the time its a lie, we lie to ourselfs to prevent a bigger pain, I mean heck when I know the results, I lie to myself to hold on to a leap of faith, and I’m like (God please, tellme they wont hurt me) but in the end they just do, and leave afterwards… I still carry the thought of suicide in my head daily, its a thought or maybe a demon that wont leave my head and I have to live with it as many other do in their lifes, but we carry on either of the facts that we may have no help or noone to be with, we carry on the fight to be better persons to the world. The other end (loneliness) today on november 29 on my cousins birthday, I saw this kid with sadness in his eyes, and it was something I can relate too, since his surounded with kids the same age 5-10 yet you can see sadness and sorrow on his eyes, I mean he still feels alone, and it hurts me, since even on this day, I feel alone, and empty I’m suppose to be happy since its my cousins birthday and all I think of is my job (that I hate), my mom (whom is very sick and also thinks of suicide) I can’t think of something else other than I have to fight for my mom, to help her, and be better, this kids loneliness and sadness hurts me, I’m here next to him because as I see, I’m the only one he is talking to…