#blackisms

I have not had a story published that I like or enjoyed writing. At all. The one story I had published with the Missourian was good, but I had limited voice and was forced to take out a quote that I was later told would have made the story that much better.

And the stories I've done for Vox have all been uninteresting. and lack luster. 

There are a few explanations for this. 

1. I had a rough first week: No Car--Nough' said.

2. I had death(s) in my family. 

3. I bit off more than I should have (see earlier posts)

But regardless, I feel like the butt of the Vox Staff. I feel like my work is not showing my talent as a journalist. And out of ALL the publications I've worked for (Inside Columbia, ESPN, Teen Vogue, Fast Company) this has been the worst, most pitiful compilation of work I have ever done. 

What does all this mean? 

I'm not entirely sure. People are often scared to address the obvious or quick to dismiss it  as a factor. But things are what they are. 

Even in my attempts to talk about it, its always "oh yeah, I know but it doesn't matter..."

I'm the black reporter. I'm the Black Woman. I'm the ONLY black reporter. There is pressure for me to be really good at what I do because whether they admit it or not, the reason Amanda Dahling never has to ask me my name during beat meetings, the reason they notice when I'm a few seconds late and the way they describe me to the each other behind closed doors is all summed up as "I'm the black girl". At my other magazines, I was not the lone star. I was one of many. At Mizzou, where professors walk around, oblivious to the deep rooted, 1965 style segregation on our campus and black students meet in closets to discuss the way race impacts everything they do at Mizzou, there is no way race is NOT a factor. This is Missouri after all. I NEVER visited Mizzou. We never stopped in Missouri on road trips. I just landed here, like a feather on a journey. I chose the school because of this program.

I did not want to write the Earthquake story. It did not interest me. As a journalist, there will be times when you have to write stories about topics that do not interest you. So I did it. But I received the short end of stick because after receiving a boatload of harsh criticisms (like):

"-The reporter uses generalized, nonspecific words and phrases throughout the story, which makes for bland reading. We've really got to sharpen this up. For example: "The science of these earthquakes will be the main focuses of the conference." That sentence alone uses passive voice, an incorrect word (focuses), and I'm not sure what "The science of earthquakes" even means.

-The ending is all over the place, and I'm not really sure what's happening."

Ouch.

To which I responded:

I in no way ignored your questions/notes to the last edit. In particular, the sentence you asked me to reword and your criticisms of my choice to use the phrase "The science of these earthquakes will be the main focus" was a difficult sentence to work with especially since you didn't understand what I was trying to achieve by using it. I removed the sentence. 

Also, your remarks about the story's lack of voice and "generalized, nonspecific wording" were not lost, I simply wasn't sure how to go about an informative story such as this with any other angle aside from objective--I did not want to pretend that I had any expertise about the subject and confuse readers as I did you with my phrasing mentioned above. My sources very characteristic of their fields and did not offer much past what I could have found on the internet so I was left to add my own "spice". In my attempts to deliver a colorful piece on an earthquake, I fell short. I would love to not use "bland" voice and if you could offer me help with this in the future, I'd be very grateful. 

...the story was published as a boring news piece. 

AND it was published late. Because The Missourian published the exact same story 2 days earlier. They asked me for my notes.... which made no sense to me but it did to them, so I did it. 

It was discouraging and I was disappointed in Vox. Perhaps they harbored a little resentment towards me for having so many hiccups at the beginning of the semester (even though, in my defense, I had NO control over most of it). Maybe Rhonda Prast got super excited about me because I was the black girl on the Magazine Trip that didn't curse in the editors' meetings and I seemed really "well behaved" and "organized"  in public. Maybe they thought"this girl doesn't have much talent anyway so whatever, just publish whatever". At this point my portfolio is the college equivalent of an unstapled book report on notebook paper with the edges from the spiral still attached. I'm not impressed with it, I'm not expecting any employers to be impressed with it either.

I'm not sure what they think of me. Or if they have any thoughts at all. Is being thought about in any context better than being not thought about at all? Would I prefer to go unnoticed than be noticed for the wrong reasons? 

I mean, Jennifer Rowe thought I didn't even want this. In our first meeting she said "Sometimes, people realized this isn't them--maybe this is too much for you." The fact is, if I didn't want this, I wouldn't have remained a journalism major, stayed in college for an extra year and force my single mother to try and scrape the little savings we have so that I could graduate with a degree that doesn't promise me a job.

This might be the reason why I haven't applied for my internships yet. I'm afraid that this has not been a good enough 2 months.

Anyway,  after so much bad news, along with all the other reasons I despise MU as a university and an institution for higher learning,  I considered transferring. 

To Spelman.

(for those white readers that don't know, its an HBCU in Atlanta Georgia)

........to be continued. 

On Natural Hair.... 

Ain't that bad ?

Dancin the funky chicken

Eatin' ribs and tips

Diggin' all the latest sounds

And drinkin' gin in sips

Puttin' down that do-rag

Tighten' up my 'fro

Wrappin' up in Blackness

Don't I shine and glow?

Hearin' Stevie Wonder

Cookin' beans and rice

Goin' to the opera

Checkin' out Leontype Price

Get down Jessie Jackson

Dance on, Alvin Ailey

Talk, Miss Barbara Jordan

Groove, Miss Pearle Bailey

Now ain't they bad?

An ain't they Black?

An' ain't they Black?

An' ain't they Bad?

An' ain't they Bad?

An' ain't they Black?

An' ani't they fine?

Black like the hour of night

When your love turns and wriggles close to your side

Black as the earth which has given birth

To nations, and when all else is gone will abide.

Bad as the storm that leaps raging from the heavens

Bringing the welcome rain

Bad as the sun burning orange hot at midday

Lifting the waters again.

Arthur ashe on the tennis court

Mohammmed Ali in the ring

Andre Watts and Andrew Young

Black men doing their thing.

Dressing in purples and pinks and greens

Exotic as rum and cokes

Living our lifes with flash and style

Ain't we colorful folks?

Now ain't we bad?

An ain't we Black?

An ain't we black?

An ain't we bad?

An ain't we bad?

An ain't we Black?

An ain't we Fine?

Today was National Signing Day. Not to be confused with a holiday dedicated to the hard of hearing, our media obsessed world designated today as the day that high school athletes are to announce the college where they plan on spending (time not money) their next 4 years.

The media is extremely biased towards certain agendas and groups. I hate to be the wait. no I don’t . If I don’t say it, it will go unsaid. I am inspired by the father of my favorite musician, Kanye West, who was the first black journalist hired at the Atlanta Journal Constitution amidst being a former black panther. If he wasn’t a trailblazer, I don’t know who was.

I should mention my father was apart of the last wave of the black panther movement and one of my closest, dearest friends is the granddaughter of Nation of Islam leader and black “preservationist”, Minister Louis Farrakhan. 

Being a black journalist who is taught (by a cast of all white, privileged teachers no less) to be objective and overlook the media’s obvious biased towards blacks is extremely hard. 

This morning in the news room, the buzz was not whether these young black men would sign to these big white schools, it was simply a question of where. To overlook the racial implications of a black community saturated with media encouraging LESS education, more violence and more ball bouncing, I have to say, the $40 Billion Dollar Slave Trade is doing quite well. Unlike some of my colleagues, I am from the south side of Chicago where black men leave in 1 of 3 ways— a body bag, with a ball in hand or  a high school diploma with the latter being the least popular and I don’t have the (nor do I desire) the privilege to ignore the real issue which is that our society still treat the black man like a piece of property in 2012. 

So when my school, with most of its money coming from middle to upper class, white men, celebrates the selection of a strong, desirable black man who can increase their value in the SEC, it reminds me of how white men raped my great-grandmother and forced her to abandon her husband and family so that she could raise my grandmother (considered a mutt) and her siblings in rural Mississippi. It reminds me of all the black men slaughtered, beaten, lynched and stolen from their families because they were quote "valuable" property. The fact is, the reason I hated The Help (Just like I hate many movies that show white women saving the day i.e. The Blind Side, Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers) is because while it may highlight one particular instance where the white woman (never the white man) was able to help or even wanted to help the poor, unfortunate blacks, it does not accurately reflect the majority of the stories or the time period in which they were told.

Laurence Fishbuorne told us in Boyz in the Hood that “Black man ain’t got no place in the Army.” I say “Black man ain’t got no place in the NCAA.”

Today was National Signing Day. Not to be confused with a holiday dedicated to the hard of hearing, our media obsessed world designated today as the day that high school athletes are to announce the college where they plan on spending (time not money) their next 4 years.

The media is extremely biased towards certain agendas and groups. I hate to be the wait. no I don't . If I don't say it, it will go unsaid. I am inspired by the father of my favorite musician, Kanye West, who was the first black journalist hired at the Atlanta Journal Constitution amidst being a former black panther. If he wasn't a trailblazer, I don't know who was.

I should mention my father was apart of the last wave of the black panther movement and one of my closest, dearest friends is the granddaughter of Nation of Islam leader and black "preservationist", Minister Louis Farrakhan. 

Being a black journalist who is taught (by a cast of all white, privileged teachers no less) to be objective and overlook the media's obvious biased towards blacks is extremely hard. 

This morning in the news room, the buzz was not whether these young black men would sign to these big white schools, it was simply a question of where. To overlook the racial implications of a black community saturated with media encouraging LESS education, more violence and more ball bouncing, I have to say, the $40 Billion Dollar Slave Trade is doing quite well. Unlike some of my colleagues, I am from the south side of Chicago where black men leave in 1 of 3 ways-- a body bag, with a ball in hand or  a high school diploma with the latter being the least popular and I don't have the (nor do I desire) the privilege to ignore the real issue which is that our society still treat the black man like a piece of property in 2012. 

So when my school, with most of its money coming from middle to upper class, white men, celebrates the selection of a strong, desirable black man who can increase their value in the SEC, it reminds me of how white men raped my great-grandmother and forced her to abandon her husband and family so that she could raise my grandmother (considered a mutt) and her siblings in rural Mississippi. It reminds me of all the black men slaughtered and stolen from their families because they were quote valuable. The fact is, the reason I hated The Help (Just like I hate many movies that show white women saving the day i.e. The Blind Side, Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers) is because while it may highlight one particular instance where the white woman (never the white man) was able to help or even wanted to help the poor, unfortunate blacks, it does not accurately reflect the majority of the stories or the time period in which they were told.

Laurence Fishbuorne told us in Boyz in the Hood that "Black man ain't got no place in the Army." I say "Black man ain't got no place in the NCAA."

Don't be confused.