#bitchshit

about three years ago, a divine combination of a bad relationship where i had to beg for attention combined with domestic violence in my life made me put on a mask on my blog where I would act like a child to get likes. for a long time, it worked and i got tons of friends. but they were friends with a fake persona of myself so they Ultimately left and i felt abandoned and alone again. then the constant hate flooded in, then the callouts. it made me super angry not at other people but at myself for allowing myself to act so unlike the real me for clout.

years later I'm still cancelled, any friends who choose to associate with me are blacklisted from the tag, and i have half as many friends as i did since I took a stand for myself and chose to fix the fucked up relationships i built from lies. i was really, truly, never like the woman i was presenting myself as in this fandom.

and to this day, im not even kidding, people still obsess over me like they're waiting for the next bomb to drop. i don't need their attention anymore- i ignore the suicide baiting altogether. people have a constant eye on what i do and say on here. on my blog! this is my house! like, they hate me so much but they look at me constantly! never leave me alone! they hate the fake me that was on here for 2 years tops and as a result im banished forever! my friends careers that looked promising on here? gone by association! their followers and notes? bye bye!

its creepy. its just creepy. every word i make on this blog is monitored.

i rarely get messages like this. most of them are trolls, and shitty ones at that. ive been spat and kicked on steadily for the last few years on here, and I've just been living my life. as a result of it these kinds of asks stick out as sore thumbs which gives me a little glimmer of hope that not everybody out there is out to get me.