#bitchmind

So this morning my mind decided to be an asshole and bring this unpleasant thought to my mind: When I was younger there were a couple of boys who loved the same series as me and had many things in common with me and would use that to get close to me but I was too damn wrapped up in the fact that my friends didn't approve of these boys so I had to secretly talk to them but I eventually ditched them all because it was so much work. Now, I don't know if it was puberty or just fucking common sense that dawned on my irritatingly influential friends that they actually approve of these boys. Sadly after so many years of emotional abuse and indifference from me one of those boys, who I incidentally have fallen in love with, has become a total dickwad with a wall hiding a beautiful person that only I, and his best friend, know and have witnessed. So here I am chasing this boy in a hope to bring the old him back but I'm starting to think it might be too late, or that there was never a different person and it was all an act. So I can't help but kick myself for not seizing the day and saying FUCK YOU to my friends back then coz now my baby is ruined and I don't know how to fix him. What a fucking bitch of a mind I have. So this basically ruined my whole day.