#bitchblog

      I am posting this disclaimer to set up some presecendes going forward.

       Understand that my intentions are not to offend or hurt. They are just opinion pieces and critiques that you can take however you so choose. That being said, rest easy as you can expect absolutely ZERO homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, racism, ect on this page. I have my critiques on certain aspects of the LGBTQ+ community (for example: white gay men getting away with blatant racism.) but none of which have anything to do with hate coming from myself. 

         If you want an art critique, I am your person!! I'm in school for art and I sell my work on commission. Maybe I'll post some on here, maybe not. But either way, I will be 100% upfront and honest with you and help you improve. There are too many people who critique and never give a better alternative or even help for that matter. That is not what I want to do at all, especially when it comes to art. I'm just here to help. 

     I hope you all enjoy reading my bitching pieces about random topics. And that we open the door for healthy discussions here on good ol Tumblr.com. 🦇🖤

Yours spookily,

i was sick with withdrawals for a good 2 weeks, then i get bronchitis, and now a stomach virus

my weight has fluctuated more than ever, i gained 15 pounds and now lost like 20 pounds

$18,000+ in debt with no job

none of my doctors will let me speak about certain problems until i have more sobriety

friends i made in rehab have relapsed already and one is missing

my parents are putting ridiculous expectations on me, like paying for my treatment in full and i have no fucking clue how i can meet these expectations

all reasons for me to cop

but i’m not

I can never understand why people are so incredibly two faced. 

I have this friend, let's call her Alberta... Alberta got me an amazing job, god bless her for that, but she constantly talks smack about our mutual friend, let's call her Franny. 

Franny isn't the smartest or most organized student, but she tries. Alberta flat out told me the first day on my new job that she would have offered the job to Franny first if she wasn't so unorganized and "stupid" (her words, not mine). I guess that's an advantage to me, but WHAT THE HELL... I see on Twitter and Facebook that she's sending nothing but love to Franny... I know that they go to several concerts together... But did she just really say that she thought Franny was STUPID... "I'm just trying to protect my reputation, but I didn't want to find anyone better than me... so I chose you" Fuck you, Alberta. 

But today, I found out that she's been talking major shit on ME to Franny! Whoa what... Especially considering her little note to me in the office yesterday "You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work! <3"

1. There's no reason for that.  2. I know I'm doing a damn good job.  3. FUCK YOU. 

I'm completely over what ever "friendship" we have/had. It's entirely not worth the backstabbing and two-faced lies. 

Dear Alberta, 

The goal of having friends isn't to make sure EVERYONE likes you. The goal is to have friends because you're a kind and genuine person. Get help......Now. 

I get it. You have 79 different departments and not everyone is trained to handle an unprecedented request to pay a bill over the phone, so you want your customers to get to the right person, the one person who has that very specialized job task. Fine. I will just be gracious and let you have that one.

But why can't you use the simple keypad entry to choose from the menu? Why do I have to say "1" for English and "Yes" for confirming my phone number and then you ask, "Tell me a little about why you're calling," and I have to randomly guess what topics are in your cockamamie voice recognition registry? 9 times out of ten, the robots will say, "I'm sorry. Again--" and repeat the entire question and give examples while I am shouting that the robots should go fuck a hole in the ground. A side note, I feel less angry at the male-sounding robots than the female-sounding ones. An idea for market research and psychologists to look into.

Anyway, once the robot realizes that it cannot understand the sound of me trying to choke out my mobile phone, it apologizes again and gives me the option of using my keypad. And so I wait for the option I want and I press it. This would take a lot less time if we could just do this from the start. But instead, you've decided to be edgy and cool as dragon shit and created the upgraded call menu. Please wait while I tear off my clothes and bring you my children for an offering, oh mighty beings from the future. It would help if your technology was functional.

A secondary complaint is that I call and the reason I call is because I am having an issue with X service or X product and I need you in customer service to fix it. But for some reason, you all say, oh let me transfer you to the department that handles that, even if what I'm calling for is a no-brainer like asking why the goddamn bill is still coming in snail mail and email. I don't understand the type of problem the initial rep can handle. People calling to give them compliments? People who are confused about the call menu? People who need instructions on how to take a big dump at their desks and piss other people off?

  Things I can’t tolerate anymore

Pandora

Youtube

My gym

Music through my ceiling

The guy who wanted to take me bowling on our first date

Why would anyone think that bowling is a good idea for a first date? Maybe if we had been friends first and had gone bowling together before, but no. He wants to take me bowling. On our first date. When in our interactions over the internet did you get the idea that I wanted to go put on dirty shoes, stick my fingers in disgusting ball holes and do something competitive on a first date or any date ever?

Him: Hey, haha, you said you like bowling right?!?! Let's go bowling I love bowling!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

Me: Go suck a big dick.

Read our fucking messaging history you fat piece of tree tar. I have never said I liked bowling. And if you think I'm going to let you touch me after you've been bowling, you are wrooooong. It will take at least three days in which I am certain you've taken at least four showers before I will even let you touch my hand. Try and get a kiss in at the end of the night. I will spit in your eye and yell rape.

Things I can’t tolerate anymore

Pandora

Youtube

My gym

Music through my ceiling

Sometimes, I feel like I am living in the hell of the telltale heart. I live on the bottom level of an apartment. Going into this venture, I knew there would be noise and people knocking on my door and forced smiles whenever I had to leave my rooms. Footsteps do not frustrate me in the least. It seems a little comforting that I'm not isolated here.

It's the fucking bass. FFS, I can't even hear the actual music, it's just this throbbing, repetitive bump bump bump. Bump bump bump. Bump bump bump. I have a white noise machine and noise canceling headphones. Neither of these, alone, or used together can keep this sound from raping my brain and squeezing its anthropomorphic hand around my throat. I've done the broom handle on the ceiling thing. I've yelled curses at my ceiling enemy. I've gone upstairs to have a polite, yet slightly threatening conversation. Pretty much, 'Hi, oh you're my neighbor upstairs, right? Here, have a lovely smile. Get some fucking headphones or I'll eat you.' I mean, wouldn't headphones be a much better, crisper, /quieter/ sound?

Between this guy and the man who's apparently been dying of a cough for three years, I want to shove lit candles into my ears.

Things I can't tolerate anymore

Pandora

Youtube

My gym

This is a multifaceted bitching. There are several things at my gym that bug the snatch out of me.

Scene 1: All the TVs against the wall are set to the sports channel. This cannot be changed by gym members. I wouldn't mind it, I would just tune out with my music, only they have the captions on and whenever I go to the gym, it's the show where there are a couple of men who have never been pro athletes bitching about nicknames and trades and weird altered photos. I would rather stick a dandelion in my mouth than watch these two undeservedly irritable assholes bicker about pro sports, as if they have any kind of investment in the players than a normal fan would.

Scene 2: Behind the aerobic equipment is the weight training part of the gym. If I hear one more neanderthalesque grunt, never mind the ones that come in a rhythm every two seconds, I will go back there. Not even kidding. I will go back into that part of the gym and I will knock their skulls together until they stop making noise. I can hear them over my music (when Pandora is gracious enough to work) and I feel like shoving the headphones so far into my ears that I never never, never ever hear anything again.

Scene 3: Another noise complaint. Why do people stand around the equipment and talk and laugh and carry on? At least if they were exercising and talking, it would slow the conversation a little. But no, you are standing by the stationary bikes or ellipticals (normally the one right beside me) and violating my brain power with your flirty gym talk. You can't say you worked out for an hour at the gym if all you did for 45 minutes of the time is be stupid.

Things I can't tolerate anymore:

  Pandora

Youtube

Youtube is great. I'm not even going to get into how it's the best site for video watching and uploading blah blah blah crapshit. It's good.

But dammit, youtube, why are you so awkward and slow? I will click on one of your videos and after the ad, which you only have to watch for 5 seconds, apparently, I pause you and let you buffer. But you don't buffer anymore, youtube. You are a lazy, fat dildo and you embarrass me to have once enjoyed you so much. Instead, what I have to do is let it play and while I do, I'm staring at the little buffering bar, praying that the video feed won't get too close to it, in which case I'm fucked and at a standstill. Sometimes when that happens, I can't even get it to pause. It just sticks there and I have to babysit it until it lets me pause again. Other video sites don't do this to me, by the way. I can go on Vimeo, for example and it works just like a stripper in the vicinity of the RNC.

Youtube, it doesn't have to be this way. Increase your speed.

And while I'm on the subject, people who have a gillion links covering up their videos, linking to their channel and their other videos and random stupidness? Stop it. Stop it before I have you arrested or something.

  Things I can't tolerate anymore:

Pandora