ok I need to ramble a bit about how much I love my life
The boy who I have kind of had a crush on for a while now, and who I thought maybe liked me but gave me confusing signals, KISSED ME. This was a TV magic moment. For serious.
We were in the rain. I had rolled in the grass. I was speaking French while he spoke Spanish. We screamed. We talked about shit. We laughed. And then he said that the perfect ending (according to sitcoms) would be if we kissed. I smiled and wasn't sure for a moment. Because I am still a fragile egg with precious yolks of insecurities. But then he kissed me. And we kept kissing. And it was really very very good.
I do not often kiss well with others. I've been told I'm aggressive. I have a particular comfortable angle. I like a certain amount of continuous motion balanced with dramatic pauses. So understand that when I say this was very good it means it was very good.
As I write this I feel my chest tightening and I'm getting light headed with giddiness. It felt like a real moment. I'm just so happy it was my real moment.
Afterward there was dancing and talking and some more kissing. It was all great. He's even from where I'm from. Sigh. I don't know. I'm incredibly happy in this moment.
And that's not to say I wasn't happy before. I have been pretty damn happy recently, everyone notices it, and I know it. But it's been settling. It's been a "casual" comfortable happiness that is passive. This happiness is all about the rush of excitement and hope and crazed imaginary pathways in my head. But actually I feel a little insane. And not just because of the moment, but because of how I'm feeling. It feels like I'm feeling again.
Don't worry world, you know I'm more logical and realistic than all of this. Everything in time and temperance. I'm just excited. And really happy.