#biker!fennec

***

Fennec perched on the counter. She wasn’t sure that she had seen you so focused since that night in the bookstore. But this was different in a way. Then, you had floated through the shelves, letting your hands have their own mind. Now, you were the picture of intensity. You had welcomed her into your home with a quick kiss and a squeeze of her hand, but you hadn’t said much as you led her into the kitchen and gestured at the island to a place that was empty, but had a glass sitting next to it. She took the hint, hopping up and watching as you went back into a flow state.

Every once in a while she would want to make a comment, but every time your hands started moving at a speed she didn’t think was possible for a human to achieve. She wondered how you had learned to cook like this, what prompted you to learn to cook like this, with a million spices and minced vegetables, in bulk. How did you have time to do this?

She got lost watching you, almost slipping into her own meditative state, but was pulled out by your touch. It was brief, if she had been doing anything but watching your hands she would have missed it. As you passed by her on the way to the pantry, her hand brushed over her forearm as though it had its own brain. She searched your face for any sign that you knew what happened, but all she saw was focus. And the dark circles around your eyes.

That was new.

But she didn’t bring it up, not yet. Not when you brushed her knee as you took the plates from the cabinet to the small breakfast nook you had created in the kitchen by the window. And not when you did it again bringing the pan of goodness to the table too.

“Come on, let’s eat.”

Your voice was quiet as you appeared in front of her, holding out your hand to her as she slid off the counter. She let you lead her to her seat, glass in hand. She couldn’t believe the volume in the pan, wondering how you would ever finish it.

“That looks amazing, but I think you would be more suited cooking for a little league team, not me.”

“Oh no, I’m sending leftovers with you. And some are going in my fridge. Others are going in my freezer for a rainy day.” You let out a little huff of laughter as you served the meal and sat down in your usual spot.

“Oh good,” she said simply, wondering when the right time to bring up the elephant in the room that was apparently obvious to only her. You looked content for the most part. You glanced at her every once in a while between bites and sips of water, eyes full of what she couldn’t describe, but surrounded by those damn dark circles.

“So I have to ask. Are you sleeping?”

You stopped what you were doing, wrinkled your brow.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Your eyes look like you’ve been punched and you’re in this state I haven’t seen before. Whether you’re in some kind of flow state or it’s one step away from being a brain eating zombie I’m not sure.”

She really hoped she hadn’t just upset you beyond repair.

“Can’t sleep,” you whispered, using the volume that made people question if it was you or their conscience speaking.

It was Fennec’s turn to look confused.

“I can’t sleep,” you tried again, “I’m so tired all the time but when it comes time to go to sleep my brain just won’t shut up. I’ve tried everything over the last week since it started. I’ve exercised, that makes it worse. I’ve tried chamomile tea, it just makes me sleepier and causes me to almost cry because I’m so tired and want to sleep but I just can’t. I’ve tried masturbating, but the whole brain-running-in-circles-thing just stops any progress from being made. I’ve tried going to bed early, going to bed later, reading on the couch, reading in the library, reading on the floor, reading medical journals in the bed,” you took a breath finally, “Nothing helps. I eventually go to sleep but then I wake up and it’s like I didn’t get any rest at all.”

You went back to the last few bites on your plate, looking to all the world like you might actually fall asleep. She watched you while she finished as well.

“Okay, Doc. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to go find whatever book you’re loving the most right now, you’re going to go sit on that couch, and you’re going to read it while I clean up.”

“But--”

“No buts. Go. Chop chop.” She waved a hand at you as she stood up and grabbed the plates off the table to take back to the sink.

“But you don’t--”

“I’ll figure it out. Go. Now.”

You just nodded, not sure why she was so upset with you. You went into the library to grab the book you were actually enjoying in the midst of your exhaustion. You took it back to the living room, perched on the couch. You let yourself sit back for a moment and take in what was happening around you. Your favorite thing was the sound of Fennec in your kitchen. The clink of the dishes, the sound of the water running occasionally. You wanted her to come sit with you but you just listened and eventually let yourself read. The pages started to turn, you fell into the story. You came to the end of the chapter as you felt her presence in front of the couch.

“Feeling better?”

You nodded simply, tucking your feet under you and gesturing for her to sit by you.

“Listening to you in there helped the most,” you said quietly.

“Yeah?” She sat down facing you.

You just nodded, distracted by the way she was watching you and the way her hands rested on her legs. You wanted to reach out and touch them.

Your hands, of course, were moving before you had finished the thought. Your fingers skimmed over the backs of her hands and you shifted to sit on your knees to get closer to her. Your hands continued their journey up to her shoulders as hers cradled your face. You let yourself have a quick inhale as her thumb caressed your cheek and started tracking toward your mouth. As it moved over your lips, you placed a kiss to the pad of the digit. You were focused on her face, saw the way her eyebrow quirked as she pressed down on your bottom lip every so slightly.

You let her.

And you let your tongue slip out for a kitten lick that didn’t surprise her, just made her press further into your mouth. When the first knuckle was at your lips, you let your teeth rest on it while your tongue swirled around her thumb.

Before you could get carried away, she replaced it with her own lips, letting you explore her mouth and rest your arms over the tops of her shoulders. She coaxed you to move to kneel over her lap, letting her arms wrap around your waist while one hand pressed into the middle of your back and the other grabbed the back of your neck. She pressed you closer to her and you groaned against her lips (and against your will) when the movement caused you to grind down against her. Her mouth trailed kisses across your jaw, not breaking contact with your skin until she could whisper against the shell of your ear,

“Do it again, sweet one.”

You moved with hesitancy, just letting yourself brush over the apex of her thighs, testing out the way the seams of your pants felt. She grabbed your hips, giving you more stability. Sensing your reluctance, she encouraged you ,

“That’s it. Keep going, harder if you want to.”

As you experimented with the angles, you found just the right one, started rutting against her with more force. She kissed at your neck and your head fell to the side and your mouth fell open with a soft moan. She mouthed at the place where your neck and shoulder met, but didn’t leave a single mark. She pulled back a few centimeters, your hips stilled.

“What time do you have to be up tomorrow?”

Not what you were expecting.

“4am, same as it’s been for the last couple weeks.”

She faced you, held your gaze, took in your rumpled hair and the slight sheen across your forehead, your lips parted just so as you tried to catch your breath.

“I want you to sleep. Will you let me help you with that?”

You nodded.

“Alright, sweet one. Stand up for me.”

When you were on your feet facing her, she tapped at your hip.

“Go lay on your bed, take these off.”

You heard her doing something as you padded into your bedroom, clicked on the soft lights that you liked when you were intimate. You decided you should probably brush your teeth so you could pass out at some point. You pulled the pants and underwear off, considered removing your sweatshirt. When the slight chill of the room hit your legs, you decided against it but did remove your bra. You turned on the radiator before you went to finish following her instructions. You weren’t quite sure how you should lay, so went for comfort. You leaned against the pillows at the head of the bed, propped up so you could see her come in, and pulled a throw blanket over your legs while the room warmed up.

When she came in, she had taken off her own sweater and pants, leaving her in a tank top and her underwear. She climbed up in front of you just out of reach.

“I have an idea, sweet one. You said you get too far into your own head when you try to touch yourself at night. How about, you tell me how you would usually do it, and I’ll do it for you. You’ll have to stay focused on what we’re doing, and that should shut that pretty mind up long enough for you to come and go to sleep.”

“But…” you trailed off.

“But what?”

“But what if I want to feel your mouth on me?”

“I know how much you like that, but not tonight. Tonight you need to sleep. Tonight I want to know how you make yourself feel good.”

“I understand.”

“Good, now sit up for just a second.”

As you did, she moved to sit behind you so that you were between her legs and she had you lean back against her.

“Go ahead.”

“Um, first I would see if I could play with my nipples through my sweatshirt, see if I could feel my thumbs through whatever shirt I was wearing.” You took a steadying breath as you felt her hands cup you through the sweatshirt. “I’d use my thumbs to test it out.”

Her thumbs brushed over where your nipples stood out, hard still even though you were warm. Not satisfying.

“If I couldn’t feel it, I would slip my hands up under it and play with them directly, just enjoy the sensation.”

She got the hint and you both let out a heavy breath when she rolled the hard buds between her fingers.

“How long would you do it for?” she whispered behind you.

“It depends on the day, usually just until I’m squeezing my legs together and a little desperate to touch myself.”

“Mm, I bet. How are you feeling now?” She pressed wet kisses up and down your neck, wishing she could mark you as hers again but not certain if your turtlenecks were clean. Another time.

“I--I’m a little desperate for you to put your hands on me.” You squirmed in her grasp and she hooked her knees under yours, holding you still.

“Yeah? Tell me what you would do next, sweet one.”

“I would sort of, I guess cup myself is the right word? Put some pressure on my mound, tease my inner thighs with my other hand, start to stroke my outer lips.”

As you spoke, her hands found their way under the blanket, doing exactly as you told her. You would say it felt like when you did it, but that would be a lie.

“You’re so methodical. Am I doing it right?”

“Feels diff--” your breath caught as her fingers found your clit, skimming over it but making your hips jump nonetheless, “Feels different but so good, want to try and make myself feel like this next time I’m by myself.”

That got you a nip to where your neck met your shoulder.

“Keep talking, sweet one. You stop talking, I stop touching you. What do you do next?”

You nodded quickly, adjusting so sitting spread out for her was easier on your hips.

“I would let my fingers tease my labia open, seeing if I was wet enough to keep going, adding a little lube if I wasn’t.”

“I say you’re wet enough, you’re dripping. What’s got you so excited?”

“Mmp, it’s you, you holding me, touching me, feel like I’m on fire,” you managed to get out between the noises she was pulling out of you.

“On fire, huh? Think you’re warm enough to uncover a little? Want to see you.”

You didn’t say anything, just pushed the blanket far enough back that you both could see in your lap.

“I would start to rub at my clit some, just figuring out what feels good today. Other hand would just kind of drift over my skin, pads of the fingers lightly brushing over it. If I really got into it would play with my nipples more.”

You were pretty sure you were going to need a day or two to process just how well she could follow what you were asking for. You knew they were her hands, knew the difference in sensation that was another person touching you, but it still amazed you.

“Let me guess, this is where that pretty little brain of yours would start to drift.”

Under her touch, you were starting to pant, couldn’t do anything more than nod.

“I’m going to do things my way now, little one. But you have to let me know what’s feeling good and what’s not. I need to hear every beautiful sound that comes out of that mouth, I need to feel how you move against my touch. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah, ‘course I can.”

“Good. Would you like me to tell you what I think about at night?”

“Yes, Fen, please,” your voice became more high pitched as she slipped a finger inside of you, caught your clit under her thumb, tweaked one of your nipples.

“I think about that night when you first let me touch you. How you squeezed me with your legs while I ate this perfect pussy of yours,” she slipped a second finger in, crooked them ever so slightly, not quite trying to find your G-spot just yet, “You tasted so good, loved the way you got so messy when you came.”

Her other hand came back to give your clit some attention.

“A little to the right, please, down just some, ooohmygod right there.”

Your hips had a mind of their own, twitching up against her, chasing that delicious friction, needy whines starting to spill out of your mind.

“I also think about the next morning, you had already had a whole morning before I woke up. When I found you in the kitchen cooking breakfast you had just showered, your hair on top of your head, that black silk robe moving with you,” she went in search of your G-spot now, stroking the spongy area with her two fingers, gave some more pressure to your clit that was positively aching.

“Please don’t stop, please!”

“I’m not going to, baby, wouldn’t dream of it.”

“T-tell me more about that time, one of my favorite memories.”

“Anything you want. I know it was so sweet, you just talking about your morning, making your second cup of coffee. I heard all you said, but all I wanted was to take you back into the library and spread you out on that couch again. I wanted to find all the different ways to make you come apart, wanted to learn more about you like I am now.”

“Want to do the same, want to do it n--” your orgasm cut you off. Tiny little whimpers and a refrain of, “Fenfenfenfenfenfen.”

“That’s it baby, so perfect for me.”

“For you,” you whispered as you came down, her fingers leaving you before you ended up overstimulated. You caught one of her hands, bringing it up to clean yourself off of her.

After you had given the other hand the same treatment, the two of you moved in sync, you curling into her side, your favorite place to be these days.

“Hey,” she whispered as she pet your hair, rubbed your back. “I wasn’t mad at you earlier.”

You looked up at her, curiosity etched on your face.

“I was mad at the way they’re treating you. You do everything for that place, and they take your help away from you, leave you working so hard, not leaving you any time to take care of yourself.”

“It’s really o--”

“No. It’s not. I just wanted you to have some time for yourself, to get you feeling like you again, get you to be able to sleep tonight.”

“I’ll sleep better if you stay,” you hoped the smile on your face and light tone would convince her.

“How did I know you were going to say that? Okay, I’ll stay, but only if you go take a shower and promise to try and be asleep before I’m out of mine.”

“I can handle that.”

You were true to your word. You were mostly asleep when she slipped under the covers beside you, just settling down more and tucking yourself against her.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, Seb. You look good, I don’t see any reason why you can’t go back to school on Monday.”

“Really, Doc? I can’t even stay out one more week?”

“Sorry, bud. I know another week of winter break would be nice, but you gotta go back to the real world. Sucks, but I got told nope too when I asked for Monday off.”

“Fiiiiiine I’ll go back.”

“Good, good. Mom, how are we feeling today?”

“Much better, things have been stable at home but I’m nervous that something is going to happen tonight.”

“Do you have BACA’s contact? If not, I can get Max to give it to you when you check out. They can swing by tonight after the hearing to make sure nothing happens to you and Seb.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that. Do you think they would mind?”

“From what I’ve seen, they won’t mind at all. When I was in residency, there was a kiddo that the chapter there took day and night shifts for three weeks while the father was out on bail while the trial happened. If a kid needs it, they’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you, for everything. Will we see you this afternoon?”

“For sure, I’ve got to get all my notes signed then I’ll be heading over there.”

“Doc, will you sit with me after you’re finished?”

“Of course, Seb. Do you want me to bring anything with me?”

“Do you have any of those peanut butter cookies?”

“Seb! She’s a busy person!”

“It’s okay, and yes I do. I made them last night just in case you might want some today.” You smiled at him and he beamed back. “Okay you two, head on out and Max will take care of you. I’ll see you over there.”

Seb bounced out of the room, his mom following behind them.

You shook your head and headed out of the exam room and into your office, closing the door behind you. You unlocked your computer and pulled up his chart, finished typing up the note you had started that morning before he arrived. You read and reread the note, making sure it was as accurate and representative of Seb’s course since discharge from the hospital as you could make it without having seen him every day. Finally satisfied, you signed it and called CPS to make sure they knew it was done.

You leaned back in the black leather chair, pondering how much of your credibility you would lose if you showed up in the Winnie the Pooh dress you had worn because of the proportion of toddlers on the schedule that morning. You sighed and pushed yourself up and toward the hook on the door to your office and pulled down the suit that lived there. It was plain black but tailored perfectly. You cut an imposing picture when you paired it with the sharp white button down and simple black pumps that you wore when you needed a confidence boost. You slid the pants on, and ditched the dress before buttoning up the shirt and tucking it in. You put the jacket on, then your boots. The pumps would have to wait until you got to the courthouse, seeing as they were currently sitting on the passenger seat of your car. You gathered your things and made sure the computer was locked again before clicking off the lights and shutting the door behind you.

You stopped at the front desk where Max handed you the sealed manilla envelope that held the morning’s note before they went to lunch. You grabbed your overcoat, the soft wool soothing under your fingertips as you put it on over your suit. It had started to snow while you were in clinic, coating everything with fresh white powder. You would be more excited about it if you weren’t about to go have a hand in deciding a young kid’s fate. You shivered as you turned on the seat warmer and let the car warm up while you plugged your phone in and got your seatbelt on. You pulled out of the spot and onto the highway.

***

You sat for a moment more, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths, counting in and out. Satisfied, you made sure the document was in your briefcase before putting on your dress shoes and getting out. You stepped carefully, not wanting to show up wet and shivering from the snow. You smiled when you saw the few bikes parked outside the courthouse. You knew BACA had been working with Seb and his family as long as you knew him, but this was the first time you had been to the courthouse for a hearing.

You almost made it inside but skidded on a small patch of ice a few feet from the door. You would have fallen, but a couple of strong arms grabbed and steadied you.

“Whoa, there! I would ask where the non-skid footwear is but the more important thing, are you okay?”

You looked at the woman who had caught you, struck dumb for a moment. She was wearing a leather jacket with a charcoal grey wool sweater underneath. Her hair was pulled into a braid that disappeared down her back and she was wearing a smirk that made you blush.

“Sorry about that. I almost made it too, ugh! Yeah, I’m fine. I remembered too late that my boots don’t fit in my briefcase so had to risk it. Thanks for saving me.”

She kept one hand on your midback as you walked through the door.

“It’s no problem, just maybe wear the boots next time.” She let you go as you got past the mats that kept the floors from being too slippery. You nodded in response and walked to the stairs that led up to the courtrooms. You steadied your breathing as you walked up the marble. You pushed the door and stepped inside, sitting just behind Seb and his mom.

***

“… and plan for follow up in four weeks, or sooner if needed.” You finished reading the note.

“Thank you, doctor. You may step down. We will reconvene after a fifteen-minute recess.” The judged banged the gavel once and left for their chambers.

You made it down the step in one piece and headed for the door, grabbing your briefcase as you went. You wanted a drink of water and needed to give Seb his cookies before he had to go back inside. You grabbed your briefcase and sat down on the bench with Seb. His mom was a few feet away, whispering to the lawyer and social worker on the case. She looked worried.

“How’re you feeling, kiddo?” You pulled a water bottle and the baggie of cookies out, handing them to Seb before getting out your own water.

“I’m okay, I think.” He took a sip of water. “Mom’s worried, she won’t say anything to me, but I know she is.”

“She’s your mom and doesn’t have control over this outcome. That’s enough to make anyone worry. Are you worried?”

“I don’t know, a little. This time it was really bad, and I know we’ve got plans for leaving but it just hasn’t happened yet. I think something happened, but I don’t know. I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s okay to be worried, whatever happens, you two will take it in stride. You’ve got a lot of people rooting for you.”

“Thanks, Doc. And thanks for the cookies, I know mom wasn’t happy I asked about them but I’m really glad you made them.”

“No problem, Seb.” You took the cookie he offered and savored it, wondering what the new judge was going to say. They were new to the town, new to the case. You just hoped they would be fair.

***

You walked out of the marble building with a silent Seb and mom beside you. 30 days. They had 30 days to find a way out of that house or Seb would be sent to live with his grandparents two counties away and barred from seeing his mom until she was out of the house. You could have sworn you heard disgust when you heard the judge reference Seb’s mom. But the gavel had fallen and now there was an due date on the plan.

***

You considered yourself lucky that you had avoided any more stumbles between your car and the door of the pub. You swirled the whiskey in your glass and took a sip, savoring the flavors that washed over your tongue. You didn’t usually come here, but as you started to drive home, you found your mind running around and around the afternoon’s events and you couldn’t make them stop.

Unknown to you, Fennec was sitting in the same pub, watching you. She took a sip of the beer she had been nursing for the last thirty minutes since you walked in.

“I’m just glad she’s got her boots on,” she mumbled to Boba.

“Would you just go talk to her? You haven’t stopped staring or shut up about her since she walked in.” He was nothing if not an effective wingman.

“I don’t know, will she think I’m following her? She’s some new in town lawyer type that probably doesn’t go for that.”

“Shand, if you don’t go make a move, I’m going to go point you out to her myself.” Boba had done it before.

“Fine, fine.” She scooched out of the booth, leather jacket squeaking against the vinyl as she got up. She tugged at the sleeves as she sidled up to the opposite end from where you were.

“Another one, Fennec?”

“No, I want to buy her next round.” She nodded in your direction, wondering what it would be.

“Sure thing.” The bartender side stepped away out of Fennec’s line of sight and filled a glass with ice and club soda. He finished it with a slice of lime before setting it down in front of you.

“What’s this?” You looked up with your brow wrinkled.

“Lady with the braid over there wanted to buy your next round but I remembered what you told me last time someone wanted to do that.”

“Oh, thanks.” You looked in her direction, meeting her gaze. You gave a small wave to thank her and she disappeared into the growing crowd. You went back to your drink and finished the whiskey off. You felt a familiar hand on your midback as she sat on the stool next to yours.

“Good to see you’ve got appropriate footwear on.” There was her smirk again.

“Well, they just go so much better with a suit and slush,” you quipped at her. “I don’t make it a habit of falling into the arms of strangers, you know.”

“Oh, I’m sure, I’m just glad they were mine.” Your eyes widened ever so slightly. “And I’m also glad you accepted…whatever the hell that is. I’m Fennec by the way.”

“Inside joke with the bartender.” You winked at her before giving her your name.

“How have you been in town long enough to have inside jokes with Karga?”

“I’ve lived here two and a half years, that’s plenty of time, don’t you think?” It was her turn to wrinkle her brow. “What, didn’t think I knew what winter was or something?”

“I—I don’t know. I thought—two and a half years and you didn’t know the steps ice over?”

“First time going in the winter, usually I give my depositions in a conference room in the office building around the corner from the courthouse.”

“Dep—you’re not a lawyer?” You pressed your lips together as you suppressed a laugh. “From how you walked away from me I thought you were about to put away a murderer or something.”

“No, I’m a pediatrician. I work with CPS and do advocacy work for my kiddos in bad situations. This was the first time a judge actually wanted me to read my note into the record at a hearing, something about they wanted to make a decision today and didn’t want to wait on me.”

“Wait, you were there for Seb?” She set her hand on your forearm. “How did I not know? BACA is supposed to know all the people coming in for a case.”

“Not sure.” You took a sip of the club soda. “I didn’t even know I was going to be there until three days ago when I got a call.”

“Huh. Well, I have to say I’m glad you were there, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal.” Her thigh bumped yours and her hand came up to brush your hair out of your face. “And while I don’t think you should wear those shoes outside again, I’m happy I was there to catch you.”

“Me too.” You let out a small huff of laughter. “BACA head, yeah?”

“Yeah, just appointed a few months ago after the last guy retired.”

“I like women in powerful roles.” You held her gaze and you let your knee bump hers this time.

“Bye, Shand. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fennec could hear Boba laughing as he strode out of the pub after clapping her on the shoulder. Wingman indeed, you were looking at your drink again.

“Hey, don’t mind him. He can be a dick sometimes, but he means well.” She rested a hand on your shoulder as you turned to face her fully. You tilted your head and you held eye contact for a moment.

“It’s okay, we’ve all got those friends, mine just happen to be working tonight.” You chanced a glance at your watch. “Which, I actually need to leave soon. I have to be at the hospital early in the morning to round or the residents will have my head. I would go tonight, but the whiskey and the afternoon in court make that a no go.”

Fennec rested a hand on your knee while she reached for a napkin and the pen you had signed the bill with. She scribbled something and folded it before tucking it into the pocket on your suit jacket.

“Would you just text her already? You have her number; I don’t see what the holdup is.” Boba tossed the socket wrench back into the open drawer and closed it. He wiped at the grease on his hands with a blue paper towel. “Besides, you need to take her to a BACA meeting anyway. She hasn’t partnered with us officially and needs to know more if this judge is sticking around.”

“You don’t mean—” Fennec looked up from the email she was writing.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Get your ass up, get your phone, and tell her she should come tonight.”

“But she’s probably going to be too tired.”

“Just. Ask. Her.” He picked her phone up from where she had left it when she set up her work area for the day and held it in front of her face to unlock it. “Or do I need to call her office and pretend to be you?”

She snatched the phone away from him and opened up the conversation with you.  

Got home safe, thank you

Good. Sweet dreams, Doc -fs

Those two messages had haunted her since she sent hers. She wondered if she should have said less, or said hi in the meantime? Either way, she typed out the message.

What are you doing tonight? -fs

She set the phone down, went back to her work.

***

You picked at the sad chicken in your bowl. You really needed to do a better job of anticipating what you would want to eat through the week when you cooked on Sundays. Rolling your eyes at it, you scraped it into the trash can. You were washing the dish and its lid when you felt your phone vibrate for what seemed like the 80th time that day. Sighing, you dried it off and put it in your lunchbox and sat back down at the communal table in the breakroom. It was empty for now, the students and residents off getting work done in the hopes of not staying past sign out. You pulled your phone out and opened up the message without looking at the sender.

What are you doing tonight? -fs

It took you by surprise to be sure. You felt badly about not replying to her since Friday, but if you were honest with yourself, you knew that you hadn’t been ignoring her intentionally. The days had been long as you transitioned to your week covering this service and you barely had time to feed and bathe yourself.

Same thing I always do, try and take over the world.

And by take over the world I mean go to bed

Do you have time to come to a BACA meeting? It starts at 5:30 -fs

You considered for a moment. You had a few more patients to round on, but otherwise your job was done for the day. You looked at the time, 12:30. You could make it.

I can make that happen. Where do you meet?

The reply was almost immediate.

Boba’s Garage. There’s a makeshift conference room. -fs

Sounds good. I’ll see you there.

You walked back into the kitchen area and started a fresh pot of coffee. You wondered what they could possibly want with you; you weren’t a biker. Sure, you were stern when you were advocating for your kids, but you weren’t even close to being on their level. Well, you thought to yourself, at least you can see her in her element this time, learn what they did in more detail.

***

You hurried up the expanse of concrete to the open garage, trying not to fall but also trying not to be late. A last-minute admission had turned your plenty-of-time-to-maybe-shower-and-then-get-there afternoon into a oh-no-I’m-going-to-be-late-and-they’re-going-to-be-mad evening. You saw the open door, heard voices coming from it and hurried to it. You took a deep breath and tried to slink in unnoticed. But of course, it was a conference room. There were people seated all around it, all talking amongst themselves still. Whew.

You saw an empty chair along the wall and sat down, trying to blend in with the wall as best you could. The scrubs you wore were wrinkled and your baby hairs were sticking straight up from the day you had had. You tried to smooth them down as best you could, swearing you would have a wash day tomorrow when you had the afternoon to work from home on things for CPS. You had no idea why Fennec wanted you here, but you hoped your appearance wouldn’t take away from whatever it was.

You sat in silence as you heard her call the meeting to order. Silence fell. She controlled the room. You crossed your legs as you listened to her.

You listened to them discuss financial matters, an upcoming meeting with another chapter. Then the attention turned to the reason the club existed: the kids.

“As you all know, we’ve heard some rumors about certain kids around town. Today I got confirmation that one of them was hospitalized this afternoon.” Fennec went on to describe what the story was without naming names and your eyes went wide as you realized she was talking about the toddler you had admitted this afternoon for the trauma service. How did she know? Your team was diligent about patient privacy and none of them would ever violate that, so how did she know? “…I worked with Peli all afternoon coming up with a plan and we decided that BACA needed to get involved once this little one gets out of the hospital.”

Peli? Social work? You started putting the pieces together. That was how she knew. You listened as they discussed plans for various outcomes: if they went home, if they went to temporary placement, if there would be a hearing before they were discharged. You listened, still not sure what you were doing here but appreciating that you got to hear what they were discussing, got to know what you offered when you gave the contact card disguised as a business card for a medical supply company.

They wrapped up their discussions, started gathering their things and dispersing. You would go to Fennec, but you had no desire to interrupt her in her space. So, you sat and waited as the room started emptying and engines started kicking to life outside.  As the last person left, you stood up carefully.

“You came.”

“Of course I came, I said I would. Sorry I was late.”

“What are you talking about? You weren’t late. And I figured you would be cutting it close when Peli told me you were the one admitting the little one. I know these things take time.” You walked closer to her, perching on the conference room table to her right.

“Uh, thanks. Do you mind if I ask how you know Peli?” She had worked with you since you had started your contract.

“I don’t mind. I’m a social worker there too, I just usually work on the adult side of things. I only started getting introduced to the peds side when I got this gig.” You nodded as she spoke.

“Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate everything you all do, and I can’t tell you what it means to me that I got to learn a little more about what’s behind those cards behind the desk at the office.”

“It was Boba’s idea.” She readjusted the already perfectly stacked papers in front of her. “He threatened to call your office and pretend to be me if I didn’t invite you myself.”

You huffed out a laugh as you bumped your knee against hers.

“Then I’m grateful to the both of you. Thank him for me, would you? I—” Your eyes went wide as your stomach growled and interrupted your thought.”

“Damn, Doc don’t they teach you all to take care of yourselves? Did you eat today?”

“You know, they claim to, but it’s more ‘here’s how you can be more efficient about selfcare so that you can work more and not actually do anything about your quality of life’ and less ‘we genuinely care about you not passing out in a patient’s room or dropping dead of exhaustion.’ I hated what I brought today and had coffee and swore I was going to go to the café to get a snack but that didn’t happen, got too busy.”

She grabbed your hand and gave it a tug to get you to stand up.

“Come on, I’m buying you dinner from this little diner we all go to. You can thank Boba yourself and I can make sure you get a decent meal.”

You nodded, gave her hand a squeeze in thanks.

“Do you want me to drive?”

“Nah, it’s only a couple blocks away and besides, you’re not fit to drive right now.”

You rolled your eyes at that.

“I’m fine, I promise.”

“I know you think you are but come with me anyway.”

You nodded and she led you out of the conference room and then the garage out into the cold night air.

“I need to get my coat since we’re walking.” She just nodded and kept your hand in hers until you reached your car. You unlocked in, pulled the door open and grabbed the same wool coat you had been wearing when she rescued you, pulled it on. As you locked up and turned back to her, she took your hand again.

You walked in silence, which gave you plenty of time to sneak glances at her face, illuminated in the orange streetlights as you walked. The glow and the crunch of salt under your feet was hypnotic. As you got to the diner, light snow started again, making you grateful you were at your destination. She opened the door for you and dropped your hand again so you could pull the coat off and hang it up by the door.

“Hey, Fennec! You guys sit wherever you like,” the waitress called from behind the counter. “I’ll be over in just a sec.”

“Come on, you can thank him then we’ll sit as far away from him as we can.” She laughed. You thought you were going to swoon from her laugh.

“Sounds good, lead the way.”

“Boba, this is her.”

You held out your hand and introduced yourself.

“Ah, the famous Doc. We’ve all heard so much about you from Shand here.” He chuckled and gave Fennec a knowing grin as she groaned quietly.

“All good things, I hope? I just wanted to thank you for having Fennec invite me to the meeting tonight.”

“It’s no problem. And if that judge is going to keep handling abuse cases, we’re going to need you to know what we do, how we operate. I heard from a buddy from the last district they worked that they want all depositions given on the stand in front of them.”

You groaned internally at that. Your scheduling was going to get a lot more complicated.

“Thanks again,” you said as Fennec led you, true to her word, to a booth as far away from Boba and his line of sight as she could get you the two of you. You slid into the seat and she sat down across from you. You folded your hands on the table, then in your lap. “So, um, hi. I just want to say I’m really sorry for not replying the last few days. It’s been hectic and I haven’t had a lot of time to do anything for pleasure or leisure.”

“It’s okay. You’re a busy person, your job demands a lot of you and contrary to what a lot of people think, I know you’re not some all-powerful hero. You’re a person, doing what you need to do.”

You could have kissed her.

“You have no idea what it means to hear you say that. But enough about work and my inability to take care of myself some days. How have you been?”

***

You used the last bit of ketchup on your last fry as you listened to her tell you her story, about where she grew up, where she went to school, how she landed in this town and met Boba. How the two of them started the MC and that it had started as the two of them plus Din and Paz who you had yet to meet. When you were finished, you kept listening, you could listen to her all night. But it wasn’t long before you had to stifle a yawn.

“Come on, you need to go to sleep.” She slid the bill over to her, pulling out her wallet and wrapping a few bills up in it before you could get a word in of protest. “Boba will make sure no one takes it, let’s get out of here.” She stood and held out a hand to you, which you took. The two of you made your way over to where your coat hung and walked out as you shimmied into it. You tucked your hands into your pockets and squeezed the pocket warmers before you let her take your hand again, threading her fingers through yours.

The two of you walked in comfortable silence. The snow was still coming down, just flurries now, but with the promise of more to come. When you could see your car again, you both slowed your steps, neither of you quite ready to say goodnight, but you knew you had to, or you would be just that much more tired tomorrow, more on edge. She squeezed your hand once, twice as you got to it, now dusted with the white powder. You turned to face her.

“Thank you, for dinner, for talking, for inviting me, for everything.”

“No problem, Doc, really.”

You glanced back and forth between her eyes and her lips. You took a half-step toward her, tilted your head just to the right.

She brought her other hand up, cupped your cheek before brushing your hair out of your face. Her smirk made a brief appearance before she pressed her lips to yours. You kissed her back, letting yourself get lost as she brought her arms around your waist under your coat. Yours wrapped around her shoulders in response. She deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue along your lips briefly before you let your own brush against it. She tightened her grip on you, one hand sliding down into the back pocket of your scrubs.

When the two of you came up for air, you rested your forehead against hers, letting your breathing stay in sync. She made a small noise of displeasure as she leaned back, untangling from you and your coat.

“Fuck, I don’t want you to leave. But you need to. Go get some sleep, Doc. Let me know when you get home.”

“Fine, but I want you to do the same or I might just have to worry about you.”

“I can do that. Night,” she whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek and stepping back to let you drive away in the orange glow.

“Th—that’s really thoughtful. I don’t know that I really have a true process, but yeah let’s go look!” You opened the door for her, a light going on inside you as you got your first waft of bookstore smell: the paper, the ink. You got the first wave of the noise: the low music playing in the background, the people there talking in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out any conversations happening, could barely hear that there were lyrics in the music. You stopped for a moment, scanning the layout of the room. Your eyes landed first on the display of bookmarks and postcards, making a mental note to get one or two of each to remember this little town so you could find it one day. But then your train of thought halted: could you come here alone?

Best not to dwell.

Your eyes resumed their scanning, noting the different sections. You wandered to the right, letting your gaze drift over the painting beside the door. It was line art of two bodies intertwined, splashed with color to resemble a galaxy where they met. The notecard below it gave the title and artist’s name. And a price. You were struck by how nice it would look on your art wall. But that was for another day.

You started your first pass through the stacks, letting your eyes skate over the spines of the books, pausing to read the note cards when they gave a recommendation from one of the workers. Your fingers started to take on a mind of their own, catching on books here and there, bringing them out for you to investigate. Every couple of them, you would open to the first page, let the author’s words try to entice you. You put most of them back, but a green paperback one with a bent cover stayed behind. You held it close as you continued on, pacing with no purpose at all. If someone didn’t know you, they would think you had a system, but really you were just letting yourself be on autopilot. That is, until you got to the section that housed the series you had read about and wanted.

“This is it!” You hoped your whisper would convey your excitement to Fennec. You had been watching book recommendation videos and this series had come up, promising both a love story and adventure. “I hope th—they do! They’ve got both!”

You plucked both the paperback and hardcover from the shelves, adding them to your little stash. Your small smile would not leave your face.

Fennec watched as you dragged yourself away from the section, mentally patting herself on the back for this idea. You looked so happy, at peace. If she was a part of that? She would consider herself both clever and immensely lucky. As she followed you back to one of the sections you had drifted through, she watched your perusing turn into a hunt. You furrowed your brow as you sank down to kneel and scan for what she wasn’t quite sure. She pulled two more books from the shelf.

“Have you read this one?” She held up a copy of a book called Circe.

“No, but someone at work was talking about it the other day.” She hoped you wouldn’t be disappointed, and wasn’t disappointed when you slid the book back into its place with a mischievous look. Fennec’s mind went straight into the gutter for a moment, imagining you in a very different situation but with the same look.

“Good, you’ll borrow my copy.” There was no arguing, it was a fact. She would.

You stood up again, still holding onto the other book. You were off again, and while she thought you clutching four books to your chest was possibly the cutest thing she had ever seen, you were going to drop one if you kept getting distracted. When you stopped again, she held her hands out.

“Here, let me carry them. You use your hands to browse.”

You nodded once and sank down again, grabbing one of the recommended titles and popping up again. You paused, before setting it on the pile Fennec was holding, warmth building in your face as she gave you one of her smiles.

You set off with one more stop in mind. The waiting room library at your office was lacking in chapter books as of late. You let your feet carry you to the children’s section.

“What are we doing here? I didn’t take you for the Warrior Cats type. “

“The selection of chapter books in my waiting room is looking a little sparse here lately. I want to see what the kids are into so I can update the wishlist.”

Fennec looked at you like you had suddenly turned purple with polka dots and sprouted antennae.

“I have a bookshelf in the waiting room, and I always make it clear to kids and parents that the books on it are meant to be read, cherished, read again, both while waiting and when they go home, with no expectation of return. The Little Golden Books usually do come back, just like most of the other books meant for the teeny-tinies. The chapter books get sparse and don’t tend to come back, but I like it that way. It means I’ve got another reader who gets to learn about the magic of words.”

“But where do the books come from?”

“Well, at first it was just me. There were some parents who made it very clear when I mentioned the shelf that they were perfectly capable of providing their kids with books and how dare I assume otherwise. There were others that you could tell were extremely grateful. There were also a few that had a problem with it but not for any good reason but I’m sure you know what kind of parents I’m getting at.”

She did.

“Then one day I was in the little shop in town and one of the little ones who had started on chapter books saw me and ran up, telling me all about how she had saved her allowance and she was able to get the sequel to the book she had gotten from me. The owner of the shop heard it, and when I went to buy the book I had picked out along with some chapter books for the waiting room, he told me he would let me start a wishlist and he would put it by the register for people to see and maybe buy one or two.”

“Do you usually get what you ask for?”

“It depends on the time of year. During the holidays people get more generous so it’s time to update the list. Hence the reading castle.” You gestured to the structure before you, an alcove that had a castle facade and was filled with still more books. “And the wall of chapter books.”

Before she could formulate a response, you had pulled out your phone and started making a list. Fennec watched you with an emotion she wasn’t sure how to name. The earnest way you took on your task had her pulling out her own phone while you weren’t watching to send a message to the garage group chat. When you had finished, you brushed a hand over her shoulder as you walked by.

You wandered to your last stop: the display at the front. You picked out a pack of bookmarks that were little magnetic trees before turning your attention to the display of postcards. You chose one that was a picture of the gazebo in the middle of town at night, surrounded by twinkle lights with “wish you were here” in small text at the bottom.

You walked up to the register and Fennec plopped your pile of finds on the counter.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” The older salesperson behind the register had half a smirk on his face as he queried you. “I haven’t seen someone quite as methodical as you, even covered the section for children.”

You weren’t sure if the sarcastic tone was real or meant as a lighthearted joke, but either way you felt your cheeks warm again, and not in a good way. You wondered for a moment if the ground would open up and swallow you whole. You felt Fennec’s arm wrap its way around your torso again as the salesperson started ringing up the books.

“Being thorough is one of the best things about her. And this is just me, but I think it would be kind of nice if my kid’s pediatrician knew enough about what their media looked like to be able to talk to them at their level about things other than their health.”

“Oh so she’s a big kid is what you’re saying? What, does she play with dolls, or are toys more for the bedroom?” That definitely wasn’t meant in a kind way.

Fennec’s arm tightened around you before you got the chance to just slip away and out the door, as if she knew that was something you might do.

“I would stop talking about them if I were you.” Her voice was low, had taken on a dangerous edge that matched what others saw in her leather jacket.

He got the hint, hurrying up with the transaction. When the final total came up, you reached into your pocket, not really feeling anything for that moment or registering the number that flashed in your general direction. Before you could get your card liberated, Fennec was already sliding hers into the chip reader. You wanted to protest, wanted to tell her it was too much, but the interaction was a sea witch that had stolen your voice and you could only look on as the books and other small items were wrapped and put into a bag and Fennec was turning you in a circle to get you out of the shop.

You weren’t even aware that your feet had moved until you were in front of her bike and she had distributed the books into the two saddle bags. She faced you and put her hands on your shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

You looked at her, answering her question with the question mark that had seemingly etched itself on your face.

“Hello? Earth to Doc? Are you in there?” She gave your shoulders a little shake, before she wrapped you in her arms. You finally felt like you could take a deep breath again as you rested your head in the crook of her neck, letting the pressure she was providing ground you again.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into the collar of her sweater.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. He should be sorry. If he hadn’t stopped talking, I would have made him sorry.”

“I wanted to stop you from paying, it was too much.”

“No. I wanted to do that, it was the plan from the beginning.”

“Really?” You pulled back slightly, peeking at her, searching her face but not having much luck in the low light.

“Yes really. Now, I had something else planned, do you want to know what it is so you can decide if you still want to do it?”

You considered it, but the phantom hollow in your chest and the way your arms and legs still didn’t feel like they belonged to you gave you your answer.

“I want to know, but not yet. Keep it secret, show me next time. I’ve got my own idea though. Will you take me home? I want to show you the Books.”

***

You didn’t want to let go of her, but you needed to if you were going to go inside where it was warm. So you did. When she had taken the books out and put them back in their bag, you headed for the three steps that led up to the door of your half of the duplex. You unlocked the door, nearly dropping the keys because your hands were so cold. You caught them before Fennec could tease you about it.

You clicked on the light in the entryway, lighting the way as she took a few steps inside again. You took the bag from her, and nodded to your left. Behind the stairs to the loft, there was a doorway. You walked through it and to the right, knowing the room in the darkness. You stepped on the clicker for the floor lamp, bathing the room in a soft glow. You walked over to the electric fireplace that added some extra heat to the room, switching it on.

You went back to where she was standing in the doorway, like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with her hands. You took them in yours and brought her in.

Her eyes widened as she took in the space.

The room screamed comfort. All four walls were covered by bookshelves that reached the ceiling, with two interruptions. The first was around the fireplace, if you could even call it that. There was a painting in front of it, but her eyes were too busy wandering to take it in just yet. Her gaze drifted to the window, where either you or the previous owners had built a seat large and plush enough to recline in. While that should have been the star of the room, it wasn’t.

In front of the fireplace was a massive sectional sofa. She was sure it had to have a pull out option you were taking advantage of because it looked more like a bed-sofa hybrid with the way the middle was seemingly filled to the brim with throw pillows and faux-fur blankets.

You stood watching her take it in, as she eventually started looking at the books lining the shelves, punctuated by the odd piece of memorabilia. There was such a variety, all alphabetized, with the only delineation by genre she could see being poetry and prose. As she browsed, you placed your books on the window seat, and from under it produced two stamps: one to mark the books as yours, and one to put a place for people who borrowed them to sign. Others always asked if it was to make sure they came back, but you always replied with no, it was to make sure people could see if they had borrowed them before. You put the books onto the rolling cart that already had a small pile to be put away. Some of them were new, some you had reread and needed to return.

Task complete, you perched on the back of the couch to watch her.

“I should start referring to you as a dragon. You’ve got quite the hoard, baby.” Her words were quiet, wrapped with kindness. “It’s impressive. Thank you for showing me this part of you.”

“I just really like them.” Your smile was growing as she got closer to you. You stood and wrapped yourself around her again. “Does that make you the maiden in need of rescue?”

“Oh, no, you can keep me here as long as you want. Besides, don’t you know the dragon needs saving too sometimes?”

“In that case…” You paused, stealing yourself. “Would you stay a while? I can make tea, we can read, if you’re okay with you could do that pressure thing again?”

“You mean will I hold you close, let you hide your face in my neck for a minute again? Let you whisper things you don’t think I’ll hear but I will anyway?”

You nodded once.

“In that case, I’ll do ‘that pressure thing’ for as long as you need me to. But you have to let me try out this couch nest thing because it looks amazing.”

“Of course, but the first rule of the dragon’s lair is this: no jackets.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More author’s notes: if you’re curious about what series peds!Reader was looking for, it’s These Witches Don’t Burn and its sequel by Isabel Sterling. She wants Fennec to read Circe by Madeline Miller, and she bought The Song of Achilles, also by Madeline Miller