#biggest.

So I head out to orchestra yesterday evening, and naturally, the traffic is awful and I’m late. Because I’m late, I fail to get a prime parking location also. After rehearsal, I trek back to my car, and have to cross this open area lots of old leaves on it, and some bushes around the perimeter. And it’s dark. Seeing as how I’ve got a wonky knee, I’m being very careful as I cross this region. The last thing I want is to throw out my knee on these piles of leaves. So I’m very deliberately going across, and I make it safely (yay!), with some dust and leaves on my shoes, but no worse for wear. I hop in the car and drive home without incident. 

I go into the house, sit on my bed, and kick off my shoes. As expected, a few leaves fall off, and a lot of dust. And then emerging from the dusty innards of the shoe is A COCKROACH that would not look out of place battling Godzilla on the big screen!!!!!!!!!!To say I screamed would be doing the sound that issued from the most deepest, darkest part of my soul a grave injustice. I’m quite surprised the neighbors didn’t call the police. I began hobbling around in discombobulated terror, and so was the cockroach. A fled my room, shuddering with a revulsion, and looked back AND THE COCKROACH WAS CHASING ME!   So I did what any sane person would do…I kept screaming and began throwing stuff at it. 

I finally grabbed what was in arm’s reach with a large, flat surface and squashed it. Of course, this thing was a vintage make-up case that I really hope isn’t ruined now because if it is I’m in a lot of trouble, but I didn’t think about it at the time.  I was just trying to survive at that point.  To make sure, I ran to get one of those heavy cases of water and put it on top. Then I stuffed towels under all of the doors so the giant roach’s zombie corpse couldn’t rise up and get me in my sleep. Of course, now the narrow hallway out of my room somewhat blocked by the Cockroach Death Tower. But I figured I could ease by it if I needed to. So when it came time to brush my teeth and stuff, I come out of my room and…THERE’S A HUGE ENRAGED SPIDER on the wall next to the tower. It sees me coming and gets into that “threat” pose that spiders adopt when they want to kill you. I’m not afraid of spiders, but I figured maybe it saw the killing and wanted revenge. So I did what any sane person would do. I climbed over a desk to get to the bathroom. Same with this morning. I could not bring myself to remove the Death Tower.