#bigbadmomma

For some reason I decided to bleach my black hair as blonde as it would go, basically my head was a ray of frickin sunshine for about 5 hours. I then colored my now blonde as fuck hair blue. Not just any blue, but a vibrant, deeply saturated, blueberry slushie BLUE. I did this because I felt like it, not for attention, shock value or for fashion. It's my favorite color. That's why.

What boggles the mind is, before the blue, friends and family have described me as unapproachable and intimidating to strangers (ie. men). After going BLUE, I have been complemented on my hair and general appearance by more men than any time in my life! WTF! Where were these guys when I was younger and was actually interested in interacting with (full body shiver) people.

I have zero fucks to give anymore. I have no free time to give to even myself, much less a partner. My sister thinks this is why I'm getting attention, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT IT. She says because I'm happy on my own and not trying, that is why guys see me now?! What? Why are human males so...weird? Don't get me wrong, I'm appreciative of the compliments from some rather good looking older men and some younger men too. It's nice. It's flattering. IT'S FUCKING CONFUSING AS HELL!

My family thinks it's hilarious that I have no idea how to deal with the attention. I like it but...I liked my anonymity too? I'm an introvert, a homebody, I don't like being around lots people I'm not related to. But, like, I enjoy interacting with people on a small scale. I like hearing their stories, I'm a Listener. I'm not much of a follower. I'm my boss and I like bossing others. I've been the one in charge in my previous relationships, be they with men or women. I don't know...this whole "being an adult human" is not easy. Even at my age (over 35) I still have difficulty with it.