#big whinge

side effect two appeared today. i slept for 13 hours straight through. woke up at 11:49 just to roll over and go back to sleep when i looked at the time and promptly shit myself. 

productive morning all round. and now it's the afternoon, great. i have stuff to do. not exciting stuff, mundane stuff like make food and pop to the post office. i also have work-y stuff because, surprise surprise, i have an essay in on monday and i obviously haven't done a thing for it. i also missed lectures this morning, as i did yesterday (though that was the whole 'let's think about topping myself knowing that i won't anyway' - swings and roundabouts). this is just not convenient or helpful. i see the nurse on fridays so i know i'll mention it to her but the only helpful thing would be to not have to do this extra lit essay this week (that i stupidly ASKED for) just so that i can do a bit of normal human functioning hoping that side effects will wear off. because i'm definitely not an agitated anxious wreck anymore which is good and don't want to have to come off something to try something else again because fuck me was that week hellish. i could even tell my tutor LOL oh wait she's about as understanding as a banana. i know she'd be like 'of course we won't do it' but would make shit so awkward and blergh and she'd say things like 'well keep in touch with the nurse' which i do anyway. okay that's unfair she's quite nice just socially inept unless you're discussing french literature. 

Things that are really frustrating me right now:

-One of my housemates. Constantly torrenting (making the internet lag and risking the house's internet access), constantly going through the house's communal supplies like a bushfire, constantly being too broke to pay for things (spending it all on crappy food and video games), constantly playing video games and avoiding responsibility and leaving toilet seats up and UGH. And most of all, constantly saying sorry for all these things but NOT LEARNING, and blaming this on things like his ADHD etc (when the rest of us do things easier despite having our own issues as well). I am so sick of it! He's an ok guy, but UGH.

-The weather. IT'S TOO HOT. Bring me back winter.

-That fedora'd atheist thing going around. It frustrates me so much that so many people seem to equate believing in a god (or a different god / gods / celestial being / etc) as being unintelligent and weakminded. Frak anyone who thinks that.

-People who say they're supportive of me, but then say things that are clearly not. Like "I just want you to be happy ... so I'll help you LOOK like a boy", or "Hey, I'm cool with whatever gender you think you are ... *turns around* HAH no she's a GIRL", "I know you said you didn't want to talk about this, and I respect that, but ... " etc. My mum's better'n you all and she until recently she still spouted homophobic and rascist things at the TV and radio.

-People who trip over themselves constantly, going "girl ... boy ... PERSON" to me. Yeah, I know it's good that they're trying, but with every word I feel less and less like a person.

-This one dude who seems to be the leader of the young LGBTIQA people social group in my area now, cos whenever we do the introduction circle and it comes to saying his pronoun, he goes "I'm a DUDE" (leading others to do the same thing) and wouldn't just simply say a pronoun even when I expressed my concern and uncomfortability about it. For one, you can identify as a dude and have vastly different pronouns than that would imply, so it might give people the wrong impression or lead them into not saying their pronoun at all. Two, you are supposed to be saying your PRONOUN, not going into some tangent of "well this is how identify, now let's get everyone to share and possibly make others uncomfortable". But what would a white cis male know about pronouns?

-I don't feel like I have friends any more right now. Friends are people you see or talk to regularly, aren't they? None of those (well, one or two, but but nothing I feel like I can get into anything deep with).