Using the powers bestowed upon me by the higher magicks, I have had a vision of the truth behind the recent proclamation of Mitchel McConnell's life.
For it was not true, no it was not, it was a farce!
The divined information, revelation came to me, and it was... Weekend at Bernie's.
So with the help of my trusty AI(arcane intelligence) I managed to draw up this figure that reveals the true nature the telegram. That being McConnell is not truly awake, but rather a 3rd person just out of the camera shot with a comically large marionette cross bar and strings attached to him, helping him hold loosely onto the newspaper.
(the puppeteer is not happy, because he doesn't like McConnell, but to be fair no one does)















