#bible reference

Numbers 20: 7-13 (NIV)

7 The Lord said to Moses, 8 “Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.”

9 So Moses took the staff from the Lord’s presence, just as he commanded him. 10 He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, “Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” 11 Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.

12 But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

To those who like to read my posts, I'm rambling so here's the sections (so you can skip easy if need be):

Rambling about Adam and Eve

The Painting & My Takes

Personal Resonation (My November & Absence)

TLDRs:

They make me mad lmfaooo

Painting and takes

My struggles came from being uncomfortable since this is the first time in my life I ever been comfortable and happy (sappy? heart-warming? read it to see, holmes).

This portion is meant to be humorous--nothing with disrespectful intent. There is casual language and maybe a little or a lot of cussing, including me calling Adam and Eve "dumbasses."

As a Catholic (baptized, Italian, and rosary-praying), my intention is NOT to mock God, Jesus, or my faith. God knows my soul--I speak to Him like writing a penpal--and certain words I apologized repeatedly for. This post is in regards to humans in Genesis, not the divine.

I'm gonna speak the same way I would if I saw the modern equivalent of this "relationship goals🤪" story.

Twos are everywhere today!! And let me tell you something, I was rereading the Bible from the very beginning at like 12 this morning--bro Genesis is something else... my problem is that I get so into stories, I forget that I'm reading scripture, NOT a novel, and when dwelling into Adam and eventually Eve, I was sooooo pissed awf. Like I had to apologize to God because I called these two dumbasses that shared one braincell. Said it again today when explaining it to my mom. I genuinely had one of those moments where it's that whole "I'd survive the beaches of Normandy EZZZZ; I'd absorb all the bullets and rapid spitfire them out back at the Nazis. Yeeeeah, fallen soldiers? Could not be me. Nope. Not me at all," meme.

Like, not to ramble about it, but is it that hard?? To follow?? God's order?? He told y'all not to eat the fruit from that one specific tree (now granted... reverse psychology, but like c'monnnn). Nooo, and Adam knew LONGER about this rule... God literally told you before giving you animal companions... BEFORE SNATCHING YOUR RIB TO MAKE EVE. And his ass WAS THERE when the serpent told Eve that she should just eat the fruit... BROOOO EVE LITERALLY WAS LIKE "nah, God said no" and the serpent was like "nahhh, you ssssshould lisssssten to me bc the fruit won't kill you, it'll make you sssssmart." and in my brain Eve and Adam looked at each other and said "we gon' eat this fruit, twin?" ----- LITERALLY TWO DUMB BITCHES TELLING EACH OTHER EXACTLYYYY (no offense to them, I'll literally pray for forgiveness after I'm done with this post).

They became naked and afraid (don't sue me) and covered up with leaves, while in the meantime, God was like "bruh, where did these two freaks go?? ADAM??!!" and Adam showed up like "Heyyy God, soz, I didn't want to show you my junk unannounced." and God was like "Didn't want to show me your...? But y'all were unashamed of it before......... YOU ATE FROM THE FRICKIN' TREE, DIDN'T YOU??!" and Adam... oh, Adam (I'm literally screaming into my hands right now), ADAM THREW EVE UNDER THE BUS:

“The man replied, ‘The woman whom you put here with me—she gave me fruit from the tree, so I ate it.’” (Genesis 3:12, New American Bible, Vatican.va).

LIKE WHAT????!! And then God looked at Eve and was like "Babygirllll, now why would you do that??" and her ass said all nonchalantlyyy "well, the serpent tricked me." GIRLLLL THAT SERPENT DID NOT TRICK YOU, THERE ARE TWO OF YALL WHO KNEW WHAT GOD SAID WORD FOR WORDDDDD!!! Lowkey just want to give them a hug because oh my heavens, stars and garters do y'all break my heart. Smh.

God punished the serpent first (bruh, I'm getting rid of your arms and legs, have fun on the ground), and then Eve (girl, have fun being in pain when you get pregnant and give birth; also, women's rights, women's wrong, bada bing bada boom, Imma make you subservient to your man), and finally Adam (whatever happened to bros before woes?? Have fun working 'til you die, suhhhh!!! What's that saying?? hmm? huh?? Reap what you sow?? Hmmm yes, that's it. Maybe when you think about those blisters on your hands from all that PLANTING you'll be doing, you best remember that you don't got NOOOO retirement benefits!! You're Adam von NAB nawtttt Otto von Bismarck mf).

Ohhhh, but back to the original story... again I apologize to God (I'm a good Catholic lady, I don't mean to call Adam and Eve dumbasses... humans are complicated creatures made in the image of God. Things happen for reasons only God truly knows, but it feels like they were just playing in his face </3).

While reading the Bible, I had some questions and yearned for more depth on certain characters. I scrolled on Wikipedia and saw this beautiful piece of art created by William Blake. I admired it, but it left my brain as I continued on with reading. Later today, I felt called to make a post (hi, it's been a long time. Remember me? 👅 We'll get more into my absence then, okay??? 👅👅). I was scrolling on an art history website and randomly found this painting again!! Out in the cold blue open!!!!!!! It felt like a sign after all that I was doing today. The garden of Eden is iconic, okay?? I had written songs that included themes on it and got to rereading all of those today... I've been reconnecting with my faith as of late. The creation of Adam and how lost I've been this November, finally grounded and officially back to myself today, and then THIS PIECE... it all felt way too connected to be left alone.

We see God (Elohim) lifting Adam, the first man, from the ground. Adam almost looks like a puppet, made out of wood, and wrapped around his leg is a snake. Now, you might be wondering, what is the serpent doing there???! Lemme tell you. Allegedly--or accurately in his lifetime, according to Tate (art galleries in the UK which hold this image)--William Blake saw Old Testament God as a false, and believed that the fall of man began during man's creation. The snake is what caused the fall (wow. no really, kaiti, go on. that's unbelievable. no way the serpent is what caused the fall of man... the temptation symbolism. never heard of. crazyyyy.), and the Guillermo del Toro puppet look I perceive could be representative of the tree:

“Out of the ground the LORD God made various trees grow that were delightful to look at and good for food, with the tree of life in the middle of the garden and the tree of the knowledge of good and bad.” (Genesis 2:9, New American Bible, Vatican.va)

“No, God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad.” (Genesis 3:5, New American Bible, Vatican.va)

And you could go further (not depicted but shheeeshhhh imma push it a lil) and attribute the puppet look--a man with strings--as it being orchestrated from the very beginning. Strings attached, letting man stand on the ground as a higher influence lifts his little legs and arms. It's kinda cute like that if you really think about it.

And the land appears as if it's ocean (reminiscent of the flood? whoops, was that a spoiler?). It could explain God's expression in the piece--he looks sad.

“When the LORD saw how great was man’s wickedness on earth, and how no desire that his heart conceived was ever anything but evil, he regretted that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was grieved. So the LORD said: ‘I will wipe out from the earth the men whom I have created, and not only the men, but also the beasts and the creeping things and the birds of the air, for I am sorry that I made them.’” (Genesis 6:5–7, New American Bible, Vatican.va)

Rereading that for my post makes me sad all over again. It genuinely breaks my heart. Like every time I do read it or think about it, I feel hot in the eyes like I'm going to tear up (and had ngl).

Personally, I resonate with the piece. Life has its ups and downs and all that I ever knew was death and rebirth. Blake's artwork is literally that. Again, humans are complicated creatures... our emotions run rampant and we want explanations for things still unknown to us. It isn't even about patience; when we want something, we want it in our hands that instant--and that's simply not how it works. You have to take steps in order for things to move, and not everything is in our control. God, with the universe as his tool, helps our lives with purges--our own falls involving things leaving our lives, presenting us situations from our past that need to be addressed, and/or even giving us new situations to heal from and strengthen past old wounds. November is usually a rough time for me, and as of the closing of October, I felt the kick.

Everything felt claustrophobic. Like I lost my ability to breathe. I lost (or as my Grandma would correct: "misplaced") my cross which carried me through rough times, I started thinking more negatively about myself, I battled with myself through addiction (Pot. I know some may find that silly, but I come from a family with literal addicts, those that'll keep pestering you about drugs or alcohol 24/7 and laugh in your face when you do think it's a problem that needs to be addressed. I don't want to end up like them. The bud sprouted a nice little stem that needed to be cut before more damage could be done--and I'm taking the first few steps in doing the same with nicotine!), and I straight up had multiple urges to burn my SSN, change my name to Pedro, somehow grow a mustache, and live alone in a different country--disappear completely in the night without a trace I ever existed.

It wasn't until two weeks ago where I felt the urgency. I needed to change. I needed my happiness back. Last week was when I relearned patience, grounded myself more, burned some patchouli, got back into working, and wore my car's rearview rosary around my wrist (left when addressing past trauma and rediscovering myself; right when I'm active and need more calming energy). I bought another cross (yeah, the chain broke again, but that's freedom baby. No chains here!! I'm still gonna buy another, sturdier one, have it blessed, and wear it proudly, bc I do like wearing my cross👉👈).

Today (now, yesterday as of writing), I realized I never lost myself or the happiness I used to pray, pleading in tears for. For the first time ever in my life, I had happiness and felt comfortable... I was the me I always wanted to be but assumed was impossible to reach--and that made me uncomfortable. It made me paranoid. I was afraid of losing all the good things and people that came into my life, afraid of shutting down and pushing those people away, because that's all I knew. All I ever known was heartache and loss and abandonment because of who I am (or so others stated, and I recognize now those were bullshit excuses for holes they dug themselves). I've grown tired of the lies. I've grown tired of my own loss of innocence as a child. I've grown tired of this odd cycle of abuse. The anxiety pulled wool over my eyes--except it didn't know that I'm stronger than that. I'm not the lost little girl anymore.

The end of October wasn't supposed to mark pain or death, but an invocation to purge. To shed old skin and the things that tethered me down to my past. Who I am is a kaleidoscope--meant to transform and glow with various colors and shapes. God, with the universe and astronomical forces, made me realize that. And I could never be more grateful for it.

Who I am today and this week is somebody stronger. Somebody reborn. Somebody that's meant to create, as that's the gift I was given to help me heal, and in a sort of way, can help others heal, too.

Blake's Elohim Creating Adam is key to the depth of understanding pain in creation, witnessing rebirth and death in the eyes of God as Adam has yet to know what his creation would lead to. Us as humans are touched by both sin and sanctity--it's what we do with it that matters most.