#bgsnz

Tav had given up all hope of a productive evening.

She had withdrawn to her tent for the night, intending to work on some potions with the latest batch of herbs she had gathered. It was a task she always found calming; sitting with fragrant herbs spread before her, a book on herbalism and potion-making in her lap, enjoying the soft glow of her lantern and the background noise of the camp settling for the night.

And then Astarion had joined her. Astarion and his absolutely miserable cold.

It had been obvious from that morning that the vampire was sick. Paler even than usual, he kept his distance from the rest of the group, but not far away enough to hide that ticklish cough, those damp sniffles, those frequent shivers. During a fight the day before he had been knocked into a river, and with camp hours away, had spent most of the day trekking about in cold, wet clothes. Now he was suffering the consequences. Only Tav knew the true extent of those consequences, though…

Since their time in the Underdark, Tav had become intimately aware of a peculiar feature of the vampire’s anatomy. Certain reflexes had been dulled by his undead condition, and sneezing was one of those reflexes. Things still bothered his nose, certainly. The constant haze of spores in the Underdark, the scent of garlic, dust, and now a cold in the head. But it was rare for that irritation to bring on a sneeze; at least, not without great effort. Since helping him get relief from the spores, and accidentally revealing her own peculiar interest, Tav had more than once found herself offering to help a desperately itchy Astarion sneeze, providing great satisfaction to them both.

It was that satisfaction Astarion had come seeking tonight, Tav was sure of it. But gods forbid the stubborn vampire actually ask for help. Instead, he lounged beside her, watching her work, the very picture of misery. A blanket draped around his shoulders seemed to be doing little to ease his chills, and his lips were chapped from breathing through his mouth. And his poor nose… It twitched and wrinkled near constantly, and had turned pink from being constantly dabbed at with a handkerchief. He sniffed almost constantly, and when he spoke his voice was heavy with congestion. And, every now and then, his eyes would close, his lips would part, he would tilt his head back, chest expanding with a great, expectant breath, and… Nothing.

It was all Tav could do to keep from squirming.

“Perhaps you ought to take a nap,” she suggested, after a bout of hitching turned into a yawn instead. “You might feel better after you get some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep like this,” Astarion grumbled, rubbing his nose through the handkerchief. “Couldn’t sleep all last night, from the moment I felt it setting in. Every time I started nodding off, I… I’d start to…”

Tav swallowed dryly, watching the display. She was almost sure Astarion was doing it on purpose. He lowered the handkerchief, giving her an uninhibited view of his flaring nostrils, and wrinkled his nose, trying to bring on that desperately needed sneeze. One great hitching breath… Two… And…

“Gods damn it all! Why does this have to be so miserable?”

He blew his nose angrily, and Tav flinched at the sound.

“Don’t blow so hard! If you think you’re miserable now, just wait til you give yourself a sinus infection.”

“Easy for you to say. Ugh, I hate this! My head feels so full it could burst, and my nose is a perfect nightmare!”

For you, perhaps, Tav mused, watching him rub angrily at said nightmare. Sighing, she set down her book at last, and patted her lap.

“This is going to drive us both mad at this rate. Here. Lie down, and let me help.”

Astarion gave her a look of gratitude from over the top of his handkerchief, and did as he was told, laying down with his head in her lap. Trying to keep her mind on the problem at hand, Tav ran a gentle finger down the length of his nose, feeling it twitch irritably. Astarion sniffled and let out a gasp of irritation, and tried to bring his handkerchief to his nose. Tav pushed his hand back down, giving him a reassuring smile as she pulled a clean handkerchief from her sleeve. She dabbed gently at his nostrils, which had begun to look rather damp.

“Easy. Just try to relax, and let me take care of you.”

“I'll relax when I'm free of this damned itch,” Astarion groaned, and let out a few ticklish coughs. “Do hurry up and bring out that feather of yours!”

Tav shook her head, turning her attention to the herbs she’d been working with.

“You’re a bit too… damp, for a feather, I think. Let me find something a bit sturdier.”

Keeping the handkerchief pressed to his nose with one hand, feeling his nostrils twitching restlessly, Tav selected a frond of dried grass. Delicate enough not to hurt, but sturdy enough to get the job done. Astarion snuffled desperately as she lowered the handkerchief and set to work. Starting slowly, she twirled the grass across his nostrils, and was immediately rewarded with an eager hitch.

“Hhh! Hhh-Hh! Hhhnn…”

It was never that easy. Astarion’s nose was as stubborn as the rest of him. Not wanting to tease him when he already felt so wretched, Tav gently poked the grass further into one aggravated nostril. Astarion gave a flustered snuffle, and raised his handkerchief as his nose began to run. Tav beat him to it, pressing her own handkerchief lightly against his nose, rubbing gently, still twirling the stalk of grass all the while.

“Easy… Let me take care of you…”

Astarion couldn’t answer, his breath snagging on a useless round of hitches. A tear leaked from his eye, and Tav dabbed it gently away.

“HHnn… Hhm… Hhh! I… I think… it’s…”

Tav pressed the grass deeper, seeking out the point that would release all that irritation, and found it. As Astarion drew in one last desperate breath, she covered his nose and mouth with the handkerchief, just in time.

“HHhh… Hh’tshhoo!”

Astarion sniffled damply in the aftermath, nose nuzzling into the handkerchief, and blinked up at Tav, dazed. The sneeze had been a rather weak one, and didn’t seem to have scratched the itch.

“I… I think I need more, darling…”

“Of course. Let’s try again.”

Tav set to work again, trying to find a more sensitive spot. With Astarion weakened by his cold, she was evidently going to have to work harder to bring on the kind of relief he needed. Guided by her skilled fingers, the blade of grass twitched and twirled, and Astarion hitched and sniffled and gasped, but seemed unable to bring on another sneeze. Tav withdrew the grass, bringing on a flustered snuffle and a few coughs, and set about teasing the other nostril.

“Stubborn thing…”

She tickled and twitched and twirled away with the grass, dabbing occasionally with the handkerchief, and Astarion squirmed in her lap, chest rising and falling with hitching breaths, sniffling and gasping, eyes growing decidedly teary as the irritation grew. Tav began to worry she might only be able to bring on that one weak, unsatisfying sneeze. And then, finally, the grass tickled just deep enough.

“Da-ahh-rling, I… think… I… IhhhHHSHOO!”

Again Tav pressed the handkerchief over his nose just in time. As she began to lower it, Astarion took hold of her wrist, keeping it there.

“No… I… Ahhh… Hhh… HHRASSHOO!”

A shiver ran through him after that one. A shiver ran through Tav too, for rather different reasons.

“Need me to keep going?”

“No, I think… Think there’s more… Hh! Hhh-hh-hHHSHOO!”

Tav withdrew the grass and used her now free hand to wipe away irritated tears, then gently ran her fingers through white curls.

“That’s it, you’re doing well. More?”

“HhhHHSHOO!” Astarion sneezed in agreement, and gave a series of damp sniffles. Tav pressed the handkerchief more firmly against his nose, feeling it twitch and wriggle, bringing on the next desperate “HHRRASHOO!”

Sneeze after sneeze burst out. Slower than the allergic fits brought on by dust or garlic, and judging by the way Astarion was beginning to breath more heavily, rather more exhausting. At last, with a final, exhausted “Hhishhoo!”, Astarion opened his eyes, and, taking the handkerchief from Tav, wearily sat up and blew his nose.

“Thank you, darling. I feel… Well, I still feel wretched, but that’s one misery resolved. You… enjoyed that, I take it?”

Weary from his cold, his smile as he took in Tav’s flushed cheeks was more fond than seductive. In answer, Tav leaned in and pressed a gentle, featherlight kiss to his long-suffering nose, letting out a surprised giggle as doing so prompted a ticklish “Htshhoo!”.

Astarion raised the handkerchief too late, and if there had been enough blood in him, Tav suspected he might have blushed.

“Ah! Sorry about that, darling! Although, given your… peculiarities, perhaps I ought to say ‘you’re welcome’?”

Tav let out a snort of laughter, and leaned in to kiss him properly this time… Only to pull back in alarm as Gale’s voice sounded outside the tent.

“Astarion! Might I suggest you take something for that cold, rather than keep the whole camp awake?”

Tav let out an embarrassed giggle, and called back before Astarion could snap something rude in reply.

“Don’t worry, I’ll see he’s well taken care of!”

As the wizard’s footsteps retreated, Astarion gave her a rather more flirtatious smile.

“You will, will you?”

Tav leaned in closer, but instead of kissing him this time, picked up the fallen blanket and pulled it around his shoulders once more. His seductive act dropped, and he gave an embarrassed cough that brought on several more.

For all its dangers, Tav mused, the Underdark was beautiful. A strange, unnerving, decidedly fungal sort of beautiful, but beautiful all the same. Unable to sleep, Tav sat outside her tent, gazing out over the landscape of craggy rocks and softly glowing mushrooms. With no sun or moon to know the time of day, it was hard to know whether it was time to sleep or not, but for most of the party, exhaustion had set in, and they had retired to their tents, leaving the camp quiet and still.

Well, almost still. Tav’s eyes picked up movement, and immediately brought her to full awareness. She reached quietly for her weapon, preparing herself for whatever might be prowling in the night. A Duergar, a hostile Drow…

… A vampire.

Tav relaxed, but kept her eyes fixed on the movement by the most distant of the party’s tents. Astarion had set up as far from them as was safe, claiming “if I have to spend one more night listening to you all snoring, I may find myself forced to silence you”. And yet, with nobody snoring so far tonight, the vampire was still awake, and skulking off into the dark.

Tav rose to her feet, weapon still in hand, and followed quietly. It was far from unusual for Astarion to steal away at night when the day had provided no opportunities for him to feed. Often the morning after they would wake to find a conveniently bloodless boar or deer to add to their camp supplies. But the Underdark offered no prey that could be tackled alone. At least, not without great risk. If it was blood Astarion had left in search of, Tav had plenty to offer.

She tracked Astarion to a small clearing nearby, and to her surprise, found him sitting on a large stone, one elegant hand raised to his face. As she drew nearer, Tav saw his shoulders shake with a great, unsteady breath, and heard a quiet sniffle. Tav felt her heart sink on his behalf… Had he really felt he needed to creep away in the night to cry?

Another sharp, unsteady breath, another damp sniffle, and then…

“I can hear you skulking about, you know. Is even a moment’s privacy too much to ask?”

Tav stepped from the shadows, drawing closer. Up close, she could see a watery sheen over the vampire’s red eyes, and she had to fight the urge to reach for him and offer comfort, knowing he would likely reject what he saw as pity.

“I was worried for you. This isn’t a place to go wandering alone. I thought you were going hunting, and thought I ought to…”

He cut her off with a sudden hiss of breath, waving a hand at her to silence her. Puzzled, she watched as his eyes closed, and his elegant nose wrinkled with a sudden, sharp sniff. His breath hitched, once, twice… His lips parted, revealing just the tips of those lethal fangs. Another deep, expectant breath, and…

“Damn it all! You scared it off!”

Tav blinked, baffled.

“You came out here… to sneeze?”

At the mere mention of the word, Astarion’s nose twitched again, and he rubbed it angrily. His breath snagged on another series of useless hitches, and he gave a frustrated moan as they came to nothing.

“These blasted spores! I’ve needed to sneeze them out all day, but I c- I ca-hhahh… Hhahh… Damn it all!”

Tav came to sit beside him, torn between sympathy and amusement, and… Well, the less she thought about that little effect, the better. Astarion heaved a sigh, continuing to rub at his long-suffering nose, and gave a huff of irritation as she rested a hand on his back.

“And now, on top of everything, I have you as witness to my misery. This place gets more wretched by the hour!”

Tav took hold of his wrist and gently pulled his hand away from his face.

“You’ve really been fighting this all day? No wonder you’ve been in such a mood! Stop rubbing, you’ll only make your nose raw. It’s already well on the way.”

It was true, his nose was now a shade of pink that Tav struggled not to see as rather fetching. She watched as it wrinkled in irritation, nostrils flaring with a hopeless sniffle, and quickly turned her mind to a solution, before she could get too swept up enjoying the problem.

“Let me help. You’ll have no peace until you can get a good sneeze out.”

Even mentioning the word set Astarion into another bout of desperate hitching.

“HHh! Hhah… Hh! Hh! Hhn… Ugh! Whatever you mean to do, kindly get on with it!”

Tav tried not to squirm. What did she mean to do? She felt about in her pockets… A folded letter, an empty poison vial, a handful of dried herbs… A feather, picked up after a memorable encounter with some harpies. Taking it from her pocket, Tav turned to face the suffering vampire, and as he turned to face her too, raised a hand to cup his cheek, steadying him. She couldn’t help but lightly brush his nose with her thumb, testing its sensitivity. Not much testing was required.

Astarion almost pulled away, his nose twitching, nostrils flaring, dragging in another desperate breath.

“HhhhHHAH! Damn it all, if you’re going to do this, don’t tease, get to the point!”

“Alright. Hold still.”

Mouth dry, trying not to squirm, Tav raised the feather. It was a small thing, fluffy, and it fluttered with each unsteady breath as she brought it to Astarion’s nose, and gently began stroking it beneath his twitching nostrils.

It was torment to them both. Astarion gasped and trembled, and a tear streamed down his cheek from the sheer irritation. His lips parted, fangs bared in a snarl of pure agony, and he unthinkingly reached for Tav, his trembling hand coming to rest on her thigh. Unable to keep from squirming a little now, Tav quickened her movements, brushing the feather back and forth with quick, ticklish flicks.

“HHhaahh-HhAA! Hhh-HH-Hhhn… Hhm? HhAAAH-AH.. Damn it to hells, it’s worse!”

Tav swallowed dryly, and moved her hand to the back of his head, preventing him from pulling away. His nostrils were beginning to look rather damp, and if she didn’t go in for the kill, the feather was going to end up quite useless.

“Bear with me. It’ll be over before you know it.”

A quick flick of her fingers, and she poked the feather into one delicate nostril. At the unexpected intrusion, Astarion gave a terrible, flustered snort, and for a moment Tav was sure he was undone. Tears now streamed from both eyes, his nose wrinkled and wriggled desperately in an attempt to purge the dreadful tickle, and his breathing was too desperate and erratic to even form words. Once, twice, three times he seemed on the point of no return, and his hand gripped her thigh like it was the only thing keeping him steady.

And then it was fading again. His eyes barely opened enough to give her a desperate look.

“… Hhh-HhAhh.. Please!”

Too determined now to even feel the flush on her cheeks, Tav worked the feather deeper, twitching it erratically, hoping to find that one spot that would bring relief. Quick, pointed twitches, seeking out the weak point in that long-suffering nose, deeper and deeper…

A sudden, flustered sniffle drew the feather deeper still, and it was done.

“HHHHRAASCHH!”

Tav drew back her hand in shock, the feather coming with it, as Astarion lurched forward in another desperate sneeze. And another, and another.

“HHRAAASHOO! HHhhhHSHOO! Hh-HH-HHSHOO!”

They burst out of him, one after another, the floodgates open after a day of torment, and all Tav could do was sit and watch, a steadying hand on his back, as he hitched and shuddered and sneezed as if his long-suffering nose could never be satisfied.

“HHRASCHH! RrrASCHOO! ‘SCHHOO! H-HHRASCHOO! HHh… HhhHH!”

“That’s it, get it all out… Gods, you were fighting this all day?”

Astarion’s face was a picture of misery, tears streaming down his cheeks, lashes damp, nose red and streaming and twitching and relentlessly sneezing.

“HSSCHOO! HRAAASHOO! Hh-HH-HHARASCHOO!”

Tav lost count of how many sneezes burst out of the poor vampire, but it was a display the likes of which she had never seen before. By the time the sneezes finally began to slow, she was almost trembling, her own breath decidedly unsteady. Forcing herself to remember that it wasn’t her own relief she was seeking, she rubbed Astarion’s back soothingly as he shuddered with breathy, increasingly exhausted sneezes.

“Well done. That’s it, just relax and let them happen. Feeling better?”

At last, with a final, exhausted “Hhahhshoo!”, Astarion let out a shaky breath, and opened teary eyes. He gave an extremely hesitant sniffle, as if worried he might set himself off again, and gave a deep sigh of relief.

“Well! That certainly scratched an itch! Erm… Do you happen to have…”

He gave a series of rather wet sniffles, one hand belatedly coming up to block his face from view. Shaken from her daze, Tav hastily searched her pockets once again, coming up with a handkerchief. She pressed it into Astarion’s hand, and turned away to give him a moment’s privacy while he put it to use.

After a series of wet, desperate nose-blows and sniffles, Astarion mopped his streaming eyes, and turned to Tav with a somewhat embarrassed expression.

“You do have your uses, don’t you, darling? Thank you. And… Ah… If we could perhaps keep this little moment between ourselves?”

“Of course,” Tav replied, a little too quickly, hoping the flush on her cheeks wasn’t as bright red as it felt. “I hope you feel better? Having to get all of that out for so long must have been maddening!”

“Ugh, you’ve no idea! Felt like every breath I was inhaling pure pepper, and with no relief in sight!”

Freed from irritation at last, he finally turned his attention to her properly, and his lips curved into a smile.

“And speaking of relief… Well, well… You look as if you could use some yourself, darling? That little episode certainly felt good for me. It would be unfair if I didn’t offer a little satisfaction in return.”

His hand was still on her thigh, and he raised his other hand to gently brush a lock of hair behind Tav’s ear, before lightly pulling her closer.

“My, my… So worked up, over… this?”

He leaned in to kiss her, lightly enough to leave her wanting more, and as his nose brushed against hers, it twitched with another sniffle. Tav couldn’t hold back a moan.

“I really did just want to help…”

“And you did, my darling. Now let me thank you for it.”

Another kiss, and the hand on her thigh crept higher, slender, dextrous fingers setting to work on her belt. Breaking the kiss in order to breathe, Astarion leaned in to murmur in her ear.

“Just promise me one thing?”

“Of course.”