I was born and raised in a Catholic, "pray the gay away" kind of family. My parents have talked about atheists many times, always negatively. To them, life without God is pointless, rid of morality and happiness. How could a person be truly happy without sacraments? I've never felt the presence of God in my life but I knew I can't talk about it openly. So I just remained silent, listening to how awful "godless" people are.

My parents didn't shy away from corporal punishment, saying how raising my brother wasn't as troublesome, how I'm not even trying to do well at school and suggesting that maybe God doesn't want me to go to university and I should become a nun instead. In different ways, mostly indirectly, I was told that there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

My brother is a Catholic priest. Ever since he left for the seminar, I have become invisible to a degree. The whole family was interested in him, expressing their pride. I could be standing right next to him and don't get a simple "how are you?". Family dinners for me were silent - I stayed silent because no one cared about my opinion. All they talked about was church, priests and horrible, horrible "gays"/leftists/atheists. My parents would chat with my brother over the dinner table and never look at me. I mean, why would they? I didn't care about priest friends, I didn't know them.

My family situation contributed to my becoming severely depressed. I engaged in self-harm and was low-key addicted to it. The thought of hurting myself was the only thing getting me through the day. It took me several tries to quit (currently clean for 4.5 years). When I told my parents (only because I was meant to go swimsuit shopping and wanted the truth to come out on my own terms), my mother didn't speak to me for a few days. Completely ignored me. My brother made jokes about "cutting one way for attention, other way for effectiveness". You know how you should disclose such things to a "trusted adult"? Yeah, I chose the wrong adults.

I was actively suicidal. I fantasised about awful things happening to my family just so they suffer like I did. I thought it was fair. If I had to beg God every day to kill me, why shouldn't they? Do they not deserve punishment for their wrongdoings? For making me feel like they would be happier without me? Like I'm a burden?

I think what pissed me off in Astarion was the similarity. On a visceral level, I know what it means to suffer and demand revenge. I know what it's like to build a spiky, sky-high wall of snarky comments and insults in hopes that no one will hurt me again.

I know what it's like when your pain and anger fester inside you, eating you alive. How anything humane and kind rots away.

But today I'm a completely different person. I love it when random old people strike up a conversation with me in public. I smile whenever I see a dog or a baby enjoying the weather. I laugh when I drop something and like to feel soft, light rain on my face. I don't hold back my seagull laugh or weird sense of humour. I dance to the radio playing at the store. I simply enjoy life and each mundane day I get to live because I know it's borrowed - I got a second chance when the painkillers didn't put me in a morgue.

Seeing Astarion's snark and negativity reminds me of the person I used to be. It brings back something I buried deep inside in hopes that it would simply disappear once I got my stuff together. I hear his words and immediately get upset. Because it doesn't have to be this way. The world doesn't have to be all gloomy and "masters or slaves". There's a lot more to this, to us. I want to grab him by the collar and yell, "You don't have to live this way! You can free yourself from this suffering!". But would I be doing it for him? Or for the teenage me? Maybe both. Maybe I know where his path leads and I know that it won't get better unless he stops this spiral.

His ascension made me think of my own violent fantasies. My own desire for revenge. Now I know that fulfilling them wouldn't change a thing. Just like with Astarion, becoming the perpetrator wouldn't erase what had already happened. No matter what, my pain would still exist. I don't fantasise about that stuff anymore and you know what? It's like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I have the energy and space to think about better things. To look towards better days awaiting me.

I really fucking love how yall go and say “angry about Astarion kisses for whatever reason,” like yall don’t know.

And to add, these pics are literal datamined dialogue that has been floating around for a while.

And then idk if you’re being deliberately obtuse, but wtf kind of response is this? Yall are just feeding that delusions at this point.

Because yes! We do think Larian is only going to give something to one companion and not the others because that’s all they’ve been doing since release!!

For god’s sake, the company love child and thirst trap of the game has not only gotten extra content(that was confirmed by writer) to fit in perfectly with the Dark Urge origin, but they keep adding more shit for him! He already has a grand total of 9 scenes where 6 of them can be romance. The SENIOR NARRATIVE DESIGNER said they prioritized Astarion over the others.

Meanwhile, we have, on release:

Gale, who is so damned buggy that everybody knows him as the desperate, horny, still caught up on his ex, magical item consumer: 6 scenes with 3 that can be romance.

Wyll, whose romance and story is so fucking short it might as well not exist: 5 scenes with 2 that can be romance.

Karlach, whose story is not even damn finished properly: 4 scenes with 3 that can be romance.

Minthara romance has been bugged since the beginning.

All of these other companions that do in fact exist keep getting neglected, but yall have the audacity to freak out when his kisses are bugged? Heaven forbid.

And aside from the companion neglect, Act 3 is still bugged out. Content was cut in full release to the point there are too many loose ends and quests that go nowhere. And no epilogue.

I’m just tired at this point. Love the game, love most of the characters and even more of the side characters. And I really wish this was talked about further than Tumblr, but any other platform will get you mass attacked.