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Astarion: Okay, WHO made that loud cracking noise that gave away our position and almost got us killed???
Tav: I think that might've been Gale's knees
Shadowheart: Yeah that sounded like Gale's knees
Gale, nodding: It was my knees
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Tav: Where's Astarion?
Shadowheart: He's on the roof.
Tav: The ROOF?
Shadowheart: Relax, he's got sunscreen on
Tav: Do you guys even know who Lady Gaga is?
Astarion: Please. Of course we know who Lady Gaga is. *looks at Gale* Gale?
Gale, not looking up from his book: Presumably the wife of Lord Gaga
Arabella: You can read each other's minds??
Gale: Well, kind of.
Arabella: That’s AWESOME! Can you tell me what Karlach's thinking of?
Gale: Hm. Bouncy castle
Arabella: What’s going on in Astarion's brain?
Gale: Not child appropriate
Arabella: What about Tav?
Gale: Elevator music
Tav: Wasn't it boring, being locked away in that tower for a year?
Gale: Oh not at all
Gale: In fact, I was pretty busy
[flashback to Gale in his tower, sending an email]
Hello, I just tried your seafood risotto recipe which you described on Pinterest as "better than sex" and frankly, Katherine, I'm unsure that your needs are being met,
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Tara after Gale stole the Blackstaff and almost got himself killed: This means nothing. He's just a little boy, I’m sure the recklessness will fade.
[30 years later]
Tara: Any day now
Astarion: *sneaks into the Elfsong Tavern at 2am*
Tav: *turns in swivel chair* Care to tell me where you were?
Astarion: I was with… uh… Gale!
Gale: *also turns in swivel chair* Care to- *keeps spinning* Tav. Tav I can’t stop the cHAIR-
Astarion: I taught Gale some stealth skills but he only uses them to put post-its on people's backs without them knowing
Astarion: He also doesn't know they should say things like "stab me", so they all just have smiley faces on them
Astarion: He is the lamest person I've ever met
