#bfmeta

It’s quite easy to see why people describe Ash and Eiji’s relationship as a sort of continuous push and pull motion. Over the course of the series, they are separated and come back together again over and over, enough that you’d think the pattern would have become tiring if the situations surrounding it weren’t so intense every time. Eiji is known by everyone in-series to be Ash’s Achilles Heel, the only “mortal” part of him, so that ends up being used against them time and again.

So then the logical thing, for all involved, would be for Eiji to go back to Japan and get out of danger, right? Everyone, including Ash, knows this. So why, especially given the multiple attempted pushes in that direction throughout the series, does it never happen?

I think this is because, at the end of the day, the best thing for Ash is for Eiji to stay at his side. Eiji being in such close proximity lets Ash relax the most, heal the most, be himself the most. When Eiji is right there at his side – living in the same space, walking around outside together, or any other physically close activities – Ash is at his best mentally. He’s able to be genuinely happy and finally enjoy life for the first time since he was 7 years old.

As Ibe says in the image above, Ash had long ago begun to look out for his soul – and then along comes Eiji, the only one that allows him the freedom and emotional safety to, well, have one again. But on the other hand, every time Ash and Eiji are separated, Ash goes through unbelievable pain; whether this is physical, mental, emotional, or (usually) a combination of them all – and arguably worse than the pain he went through before Eiji entered his life.

If it was as simple as being close was good and far was bad, I’d say that being together is the best thing for them. That they’re a “power couple” that are stronger together and weaker apart. But it’s not that simple.

The closer Eiji is to Ash, the worse off Eiji is, consistently. Being physically close to Ash puts Eiji in constant danger. Everyone wants to get to Eiji for the exact reason that Ash does do so well when they’re close. And Ash knows this – in fact it’s his biggest fear. He talks with Eiji about his experience with the girl he loved when he was 14, and while Ash and Eiji don’t explicitly have a romantic relationship they both drew the parallel to their own label-free relationship. There is also this moment:

And if we wanted to look at actions instead, take your pick of any part of the arc with Blanca and the threats to Eiji leading up to Ash trying to make good on the above promise and ultimately attempting to shoot himself in the head to (hypothetically as he was given no guarantees) spare Eiji’s life.

It’s mentioned multiple times within the course of the series that Eiji should go back to Japan, that he’d be safe there away from Ash and his violent life, but when he finally does go back… well. It’s almost like a thread that’s been pulled taught too many times snapping.

Because of this dichotomy, we get the push and pull motion where the two of them are in a constant battle between what they logically know is best for one or the other and what they actually want – especially Ash. Eiji pretty consistently tries to stay physically close to Ash, though he’s forced to also be okay with a medium distance due to how often Ash will ghost out on him without giving him any reasons.

Ash, on the other hand, finds himself in a constant struggle between what he wants and what he’s willing to risk to get it – Eiji’s safety for his own happiness. As is proven many times through the series, until the very end, he unfortunately can’t have both. So he flips between pulling Eiji close, risking his safety, and pushing him away, destroying his own happiness (and his physical self in the process). In that way, Blanca’s calling Ash selfish near the end of the series is right on the mark, but he fails to take into account the fact that Eiji does want to be near Ash as well and that them staying together was not entirely Ash’s burden, even if Ash was the one with the physical power to push Eiji away for good.

And the thing that hurts the most, that contrasts this dichotomy of one or the other needing to be true for at least one person’s safety, is the fact that for both their souls to be safe they both need the same thing – proximity. It’s easy to see how much Ash improves being close to Eiji, but not enough light is shown on how much Eiji flourishes while he’s around Ash. Eiji comes into his element, even if he’s not given many opportunities to really help. He ends up playing a pivotal part in multiple elements of the story – giving Ash the extra boost needed to get the job done if nothing else.

So what, at the end of the day, is their ideal distance? I would say… they don’t have one. If they’re close enough for one, then they’re too close for the other, and vice versa. There just, isn’t a happy middle ground for them.

But this story was never bound for a happy end and we knew this.

Their souls may need the same things, but both their mortal bodies could not survive if they were to pick one choice or the other. Which, as we can accurately assume, kind of trumps being able to be together as souls…

Or does it? Ash might disagree, if the end of the series is any indication. So just maybe, if you look at it that way, they did find a happy end after all.