dual reality oh noes.
Seven weeks in and my reality has already adjusted.
People always say that internships are never a mistake, because even if you don’t love it, at least you learned that. Very true, but I’m lucky that I loved mine, so much so that my perception of everything around me has begun to distort in favor of this resolution.
On a general level, I know where I want to be employed in the future and have an idea of how to get there. On a concrete level, I know that law school is still a goal, but that I want to take one and maybe more gap year(s) working on the Hill. (Tbt to when this possibility stressed me out hahaha I have accepted my fate.) On a mental level, I know that I need to prioritize my grades if I want any of this to happen.
It’s easy to stand firm in these things while insulated from what I have dubbed ‘my real life’ back in Berkeley. I can think about my future and my career and what I want from life on a socioeconomic versus happiness platform because that’s all that’s really infiltrating into my mind.
I’ll admit, I fear returning to Berkeley and reconsidering all of this. I have myself figured out right now, and I don’t want anything changing that. I don’t want another revolution of thought and I don’t want more indecision, but I know I am susceptible to the throes of life-life that Berkeley has thrown me in.
I’m a pretty classic ENTJ in that I see things very cut and clear and like to categorize the shit out of everything that touches me. I almost forget that this summer was just a summer, and that I have an academic/student life waiting for me back in the Bay. It was just a year, and blurry one at that, so it almost doesn’t feel real sometimes. I forget my initial regret at not staying for the break and my obsessions over my next three years and my mental flowcharts that had settled me with where I was. I’m scared for the return of overly competitive and striving Karina.
I’m a high-functioning nut case with too much ambition for how lazy I am short-term. Yikes.
